I had a dream....

I hate when I am asleep and dreaming about having to go to the potty.

Right before I woke up this morning I was having such a dream. It's so bizarre I just had to share.

I was in a parking garage with Ashton Kutcher and actress/comedienne Mo'Nique (I know, right? Like those two would ever hang out. Maybe they're planning a remake of The Graduate together or something. Who knows.)

So we're all about to hop in a super tiny car. Me, Mo'Nique and Ashton. I called shotgun (wouldn't you?)

Right before I opened the car door I realized I needed to use the facilities, so after announcing that to Ash and Mo, I promptly sat down on the floor of the parking garage.

Fast forward to the next scene in my dream and I'm crossing the street from the garage to a row of buildings. Ashton and Mo'Nique are sitting at an outdoor cafe' table (probably discussing the Graduate script...) when I approach. I see a caption (YES, a CAPTION!) underneath where they're sitting that says, "2 Hours Later" like I'm in an episode of Spongebob or something.

"Hey!" I say. "Are y'all still waiting on me to go to the bathroom?"

"DUH." Ashton replies.

"Sorry. I didn't know what the plan was!" I retort.

So then I open the door to a bank and go inside. I walk all the way to the back and ask if they have a bathroom I can use.

The manager says, "We don't do that sort of thing here."

So I squat down on the floor in front of the horrified customers inside the bank and say, "Well, I guess I'll just go right here, then!"

Voila. Keys appear and I'm allowed inside a room straight out of a spy movie. It's all hush-hush and whatnot. Buttons are pushed and a hole opens up on a countertop.

Evidently, it's a top secret potty project. I'm instructed to hop up onto the countertop and try out the new high-tech, appear out of nowhere toilet. As I start to relieve myself in my dream, I awaken.

I hate when that happens.

As I was sharing the dream with my husband, he relayed a story about Lillian from last night (we took Aiden out to Quaker Steak for a 2nd birthday dinner, because he loves All-You-Can-Eat wings on Tuesday nights...)

Stan took the kids (minus Aiden) to the car while I finished paying the bill. There was an overcharge on the bill, so they waited longer than they expected to. Naturally, Lillian announced that she had to go potty. Thinking I would be right out, Stan told Lillian to get out and wait for me in front of the van so I could turn around and take her back to the potty when I came outside. She got out and started pacing back and forth in front of the car, moaning and groaning about how badly she had to goooooooooo.... I'm sure you can picture the scene.

Stan said she finally stopped and said, "Daddy! Can't I just squat right here in front of the van on the sidewalk?"

Bless her heart. She is so envious of her brothers that can go pee (practically) anywhere, anytime.

And that concludes today's session of "Potty Talk with Beth". Tune in tomorrow when we broach the topic, "Toilet Paper: Over or Under?!?"