Happy Tears

I just finished wrapping what Santa is bringing my children. My husband took the kids to the movies and lunch so I could have the afternoon to do my wrapping. Sweet, sweet man.

I sat down at the computer while my leftover pizza warmed in the toaster oven. I opened an e-mail from Samaritan's Purse, which is the organization that Franklin Graham (Billy's son) runs. We participate in their Operation Christmas Child program every year. The boxes have to be turned in before Thanksgiving, so shopping for those is the first Christmas-y thing we do every year. It sorta puts me in the holiday mood.

So anyway, I was clicking through the pictures on the Samaritan's Purse website (2008: The Year in Pictures). When this picture came up, I started crying.



It was one of those cries that you're not expecting, ya know? The joy on those kids' faces is so pure. Most of them probably never, ever received a gift in their lives, so that box full of toys and whatnot is a treasure trove. I've GOT to make even more shoe boxes next year!

Merry Christmas, y'all. I pray that the joy on your faces is like the joy in those kids' hearts, and I hope that the joy lasts throughout the year and doesn't fade at sunset tomorrow.

Merry, Merry Christmas and Happy, Happy, JOYFUL New Year!

Advent Conspiracy

Make sure your speakers are on, and get ready.

The Nativity

Our nativity set has been wrapped up in tissue in a bag ever since I removed it from the box it was stored in almost a month ago. It's been sitting on the table in our foyer needing to be set out on the den table. I just haven't had a moment to think about it, and the table has been covered in magazines, toys needing to be put away, laundry baskets holding clothing in various stages of "foldedness". Today, the first day I felt I could again breathe, I unpacked the nativity.

The boys and Lillian saw me and asked what I was doing. As I answered, I was setting the scene like I always do. Shepherds and their sheep to the left of the baby Jesus, Joseph and Mary behind the baby, and the Wise Men with their camel to the right of Jesus, admiring the babe.

Aiden said I had it ALL WRONG and set about rearranging things, offering his explanations as he worked.

The baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the donkey they rode to Bethlehem go in the middle of the table.



The shepherds need to be placed far away from the baby, and the angel needs to be facing them telling them of the birth of the Christ child.



The Magi need to be on the opposite side of the table, because they're still on their way to find the baby.



And that is the nativity set-up according to Aiden.



He *HAS* been listening and learning and remembering in Bible class at school!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the last day of school before Christmas break. Hallelujah. Before we can start our 2 weeks of rest & relaxation, though, we have to get through tomorrow morning.

I am Camryn's room mom. Tomorrow at 8:15 I have to be in her classroom for her Christmas party. We're having breakfast; I just finished preparing an egg casserole. It's in the fridge and the oven is set to preheat at 6:45 am tomorrow. The bacon is ready to go, as is the fruit salad that I bought at the grocery store today (I love convenience!) The fruit salad in the fridge is the second one I picked up off the shelf, because the first one dumped in the floor when the lid came off as I was transferring it to the buggy. "Clean up in produce!!" I hate when that happens.

Around 9:50 am I'll get into the car and head to Quinn & Lillian's school. Hopefully I'll be there a little before 10:30, which is when Lillian's class play will start. After that I'll distribute gifts to teachers and take Quinn & Lillian back out to Camryn & Aiden's school where I'll distribute gifts to teachers and staff. Camryn and Aiden will be released at 12:15. I'll pick them up and head into town to have lunch with the hubby. After that, we'll all come back home. I will immediately put on PJs and the Christmas break will commence!

I.CANNOT.WAIT. Two weeks of sleeping late, staying in PJs as long as I want to, doing nothing but hanging with my kiddos. I'm sure that by Sunday, January 4th I'll be ready for everyone to be back in school, but for now, I'm gonna' just chill.

The 12 Dogs of Christmas

As sung by Quinn, age 6:

I wish I had more money

Not to spend on myself. I wish I had more money to help when I read things like this:

Salvation Army: 500 Kids To Go And We're Out Of Toys

We cut our kids back to 3 gifts each a few years ago, simply because we felt like they were getting way too much at Christmas. They didn't even play with everything they got. I feel like even 3 things is too much now, especially when there are kids out there who won't get ANYTHING.

We do what we can to help. We do the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes and always adopt a couple of kids through church or the Salvation Army Angel Tree. I saw that Cabbage Patch dolls were on sale at Target for $12 each this week, so I bought 4 for the local police department's "Cops for Tots" program. Their donations are way down this year, too. I ended up cleaning out the gift closet and taking all them the toys I stash throughout the year when I find good deals. I know there will be more deals at Target this year, so I figured I could restock the closet in a couple of weeks anyway.

I don't know why some people have all they could ever desire and more and others barely make enough to eat. I don't know why I am so blessed, but I can only figure that it's because I'm supposed to turn around and bless others with what I have been given.

I just wish I had more.

I have promised myself that next year I'm going to buy less STUFF for us and use that money to pick up clearance items throughout the year. I'm cutting back on several budget categories and earmarking the extra money for charity. I'm going to buy toys, clothes, household items... whatever. I'm going to donate as much as I can throughout the year to organizations that need those things, and when Christmas rolls around next year I'm going to have a truckload of toys to give away. I'm so excited I can't stand it.

Next year I'll have more to give. That makes me smile.

Getting to Know Me...Christmas Edition

My friend Kesa sent me this in an e-mail today. Free Blog Fodder! I love it!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. Gift bags are no fun. There's no paper to rip with gift bags!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Real ones scare me. The tree we got at our Christmas shower right before our January 1996 wedding saw its last Christmas in 2007. The hubby wanted to buy one after Christmas, but we never did. Now we're looking for a 7.5' pre-lit tree that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. It's unbelieveable what people want for fake trees! Guess we'll be waiting until the 26th to buy a new tree. In the interim we have an unlit one that we got from my parents... it'll do!

3. When do you put up the tree? Well, they're up right now, but they won't be decorated until next week. The kids get excited and want the decorations up lickity split, but I'm a slow decorator. It's still too early to get everything out.

4. When do you take the tree down? December 25th or 26th. Last year it was the night of the 25th.

5. Do you like eggnog? Blech. No.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My Big Wheel and the Playdoh barber shop set.

7. Hardest person to buy for? My mom and my sister.

8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids, because they want whatever comes on TV.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a wooden one that's kid-friendly, but it didn't get put away with the decorations last year. I've been finding pieces of it around the house all year long. Who knows if we'll have a complete nativity... it might just be Mary and a couple of sheep.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Last year. A sheer red and white cape like shirt with sequins on it. It's in the playroom right now. The girls use it as a skirt when they play dress up.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation! The cat food in the Jello is classic.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? We did the kids' shopping last month. I got a bunch of stuff today and have placed about 10 orders online in the past 2-3 days. I'm almost done! Only teacher gifts remain, and they're going to be edible, so I'll have to wait to make those.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No comment.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Hmm.... fudge? My mom used to make fudge and divinity every year. I haven't had divinity in a long time. Maybe I'll make some this year.

16. Lights on the tree? Lots of them! And they have to be white. The kids prefer colors, but I love the clear bulbs.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Blue Christmas by Elvis

18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Stay at Home!!!

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeers? Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen (I had to sing the song...)

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have 3 trees and I know an angel goes on the big one. I think there is a star on the kids' homemade ornament tree and a big ribbon on the Hallmark tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning, but we do a special Christmas Eve gift (it's always their Christmas jammies, but it's a tradition my mom started when I was a kid and one I want my kids to continue...)

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? When retailers start putting Christmas stuff out way too early and the radio stations start playing Christmas music 24/7 before Thanksgiving (like 2 of the stations are now!) I love Christmas, but I want to have Thanksgiving before I start working on Christmas.

23. What theme or color are you using? I don't really have a color theme.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? We have Taco Soup for Christmas Eve and just have snacks and appetizers on Christmas Day. That usually includes some sausage balls, which my mom usually makes. Yum!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? tickets to see the Eagles on January 19th, but unless I win them myself, I won't be getting them. A pair of mid-range seats costs $700. Eek!

It Has Started

Camryn LOVES Christmas. She came through the door from the garage last night all excited to tell me that the local radio station was playing Christmas music. That inspired her to start the decoration process this morning. She rooted around in the basement and found a few things to make her room look festive.

I'm not ready for this yet.

Just like riding a bike...

A couple of weeks before Christmas, my better half came home from work carrying a handful of paper "Mommy Dollars" (complete with my picture) and some homemade price tags. He said he'd had a brilliant idea that would keep him from having to drag the kids out shopping.

He explained that the kids could earn Mommy Dollars by doing things that help Mommy around the house. Emptying laundry, clearing dishes, emptying the dishwasher, putting away laundry, etc... All stuff they should be doing anyway, but now they'd be rewarded for doing it with a cheerful attitude. The Mommy dollars could be earned until the Friday before Christmas (the 21st).



On Friday, my beloved set up a Mommy Mall in the basement. Everything he purchased for me had a price tag on it, and the kids could "buy" gifts for me at the Mommy Mall. Then they got help wrapping their gifts in the gift wrap center Daddy set up in my scrapbooking room (it has a large work island for gift wrapping and other stuff...)



I just think he's so smart! I told him he had to take pictures and then hide the camera so I couldn't peek! The kids were so excited and were SUPER helpful that entire week. I love Mommy Dollars! I told my husband that the extra help is the best gift!

Mid-week my husband gave the kids a sneak peek so they'd know what they were working to buy. My oldest child worked extra hard to earn money, because there was something she had to "buy" me and it had to be from HER. I couldn't imagine what it was that had her working so hard, doing so much, asking so often what she could do to earn extra "money".

On Christmas day the kids handed out the presents, and when the gifts were all piled in front of their recipients, my husband told me to shut my eyes. I did, and I heard scuffling and clicking and then I smelled rubber. It was my long awaited bicycle! Yippee! I was thrilled, because I had hinted strongly for two years that I wanted a bike. Someone finally listened!

Well, today is January 13th, and I have yet to get on that bike and ride it. It sat inside until Tuesday the 8th, and my husband finally rolled it outside. He rode it to see if it was big enough for him (it wasn't). But I have yet to put my bootie on it. My dad even sent me a nice, comfy, soft furlike cover for the seat, and I haven't tested it out yet.

Why?

I'm scared that I won't remember how to ride it. I haven't been on a bike since the 90s. What if I fall?

I gotta' get on that bike. I gotta'.

Wish me luck.

Hear that?

That's the huge sigh of relief I breathed this morning after helping my older kids deliver all of their teacher gifts and food goodies to their classrooms. Ahhhhhh...

I pick them up at 12:15 pm. Then we'll head to Pizza Hut to eat lunch, and then...

THEN....

We will come home and just be.

NOwhere else to go. NOthing else to make. NO more gifts to buy...

We'll just BE.

Two weeks of sleeping late, staying in our PJs if we so desire...

Two weeks of bliss. And the occasional whine.

Oh, gosh. The kids are all going to be with me 24/7 over the next two weeks.

I think I'm starting to sweat.

Who's the idiot that invented Christmas break? I'd like to give him a piece of my mind.

Rolling up my sleeves...

....because today is baking day! Can you feel the excitement?

Not.

My 4th grader's class is having breakfast at their party tomorrow, and my daughter requested that I make sausage balls and pigs in blankets for the soiree. No problem. Those require very little effort. Can do.

The 1st grader came home on Monday with a slip of paper from his teacher. The room mom for his class must be crazy nuts, because she thought it would be fun to have a cookie exchange for the little ones (she only has one child, so I guess she doesn't realize what she's asking of the rest of us who have multiple school parties to work on...) So, now I gotta make some cookies.

I cleaned out the pantry on Monday afternoon and found one package of sugar cookie mix (yes!), and then my darling son told me he hates sugar cookies. He wants chocolate chip instead. Ahem. I have no chocolate chip cookie mix, and I do not want to venture to the grocery store to get chocolate chip cookie mix. Thus, the cookies will be made from scratch.

Wa-hoo.

Dear husband's family has decided at the last minute to exchange gifts. It will be "Dirty Santa" style and I can buy 2 generic, gender neutral gifts, but still.... that's 2 more gifts I have to buy. I was just at Target YESTERDAY, fer cryin' out loud. Some notice, please? Christmas comes on the 25th of each December. It ain't like this snuck up on y'all.

This is what makes me cringe about Christmas: all of this last minute, annoying, have to get it done stuff. I get all of the shopping and the wrapping over with before November even starts. I like to be done with the busy work so I can enjoy the season. But, every year stuff like this pops up and makes me crazy. CRAZY, I tell you.

So, if you see a news report tonight about a woman pelting her family with chocolate chips and sausage balls, know that it is me and I have finally snapped. I'll be the one huddled in the corner singing "Silver Bells" and carving little reindeers out of cocktail weiners.

This time last week....

.....I was enjoying being at Disney World's Animal Kingdom. What a difference a week makes.

Since arriving back home last Sunday, I've:

• endured an awful head cold accompanied by a deep, mucousy (lovely!) chest cough
• done untold loads of laundry (sweaty clothes stuffed in a bag for a week smell oh, so good! And if I could smell it through my stuffed up nose, it must have been strong!)
• edited 600+ photos from our Disney trip
• uploaded those 600+ photos to Snapfish for printing TWICE, because the first time they failed to upload
• wrapped way too many presents
• tried to remember & find everything I'd purchased for the kids' teachers, aides, principals, directors, etc.
• been told that the party I'd planned for my 4th grader's class (I'm the room mom) was scrapped in favor of joining the 5th graders in their party (hmph!) while I was on vacation. Nice.
• not slept through the night once due to the aforementioned cold & cough
• gone to bed around 9 or 9:30 each night to try & catch up on my sleep
• accompanied 2 children to 2 separate appointments: 1 dentist, 1 doctor
• seen my gyno for my annual appointment (a Christmas gift itself!)
• been to the dentist myself and told that a previously fixed chipped tooth had lost part of its filling. The old filling will have to be drilled out (yea!) and replaced (yippy!)
• made my MIL mad (what's new?) Unbeknownst to me, my husband had invited her to the older kids' school Christmas program. I had to have the kids there at 5 pm, so my husband stayed with the younger kids and brought them and MIL to the event closer to its start time of 6:30. I had only saved 4 seats, and the place was packed. Our row was full. MIL ended up sitting on a different aisle, and she thought I did that on purpose (not saving her a seat & making her sit somewhere else). I truly didn't know she was coming. Someone on our row ended up moving, so we scooted over and invited her to our row. I stayed on the end for a better picture-taking view (and told her that's what I was doing when she tried to sit beside me) so she went to the middle of the row and sat next to her son. She thought I didn't want her to sit by me, but that wasn't true, either. Aisle seats were better for pictures, because no one's head got in my way. Anyhow, now she's mad, and I'm to blame, of course. Merry Christmas to me.

I love Christmas, but this year has just seemed to wear me down. I am so ready for it to be over. I hope I never have another Christmas season like this. I swear, I will never, ever, ever go on vacation in December again. It makes things too hard.

Borrowed Blog

I borrowed this from my friend Stacy's blog. Too tired to do anything creative on my own.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper. Always. I detest gift bags. They spoil the fun of opening up the gift. I like the ripping of paper and all that jazz, so gift bags are just not fun for me.

2. Real tree or Artificial?

Artificial, and this year we have 3 of them. We have the one that was given to us when we were given a Christmas shower the December before our January wedding, and last year I bought 2-4' trees to spread the ornaments around. One of the smaller trees is decorated with the kids' ornaments they've made over the years, and the other is just for Hallmark and other keepsake ornaments.

3. When do you put up the tree?

A couple of days before Thanksgiving, if not on Thanksgiving day. I don't think I've ever waited until December to put it up. I love Christmas.

4. When do you take the tree down?

Usually the day after Christmas or the 27th. I never leave it up past New Year's Day. I get tired of looking at it after a month of having it around!

5. Do you like egg nog?

Blech. No. My husband loves it, though. It's too sweet for me.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

The year my sister and I got the homemade table and benches for our room, along with Big Wheels for each of us and a Play Doh fuzzy pumper barber shop.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

I have a wooden one and a resin one, but neither are collectible. I might start collecting a nicer one after the kids get a little older. I'd love the Willow Tree set.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

My husband. He buys whatever he wants, so there's nothing left to get him for Christmas.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

The children.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Mailed. I usually have them addressed and ready to be mailed on the first day of December, but I haven't even thought about doing them this year. I don't think I'll get around to it, either. I haven't been able to put my hands on my address book since we moved last year, so that has a lot to do with it.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Every year I get a big, clunky piece of jewelry from my mother-in-law. What she hasn't realized yet is that I don't wear a lot of jewelry. She usually gives me a charm for a charm bracelet I don't own, too (SIL has one, but I don't...)

12 . Favorite Christmas movie?

The only Christmas movie I can watch every year is "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". The Jell-O mold with the cat food cracks me up every year...

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

October

14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Yes. See #11. If I don't wear it, I hate wasting it.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Queen Anne chocolate covered cherries. I just bought a box of them at Walgreen's!

16 . Clear lights or colored on the tree?

Clear. They're my favorite, but the kids like the colored ones. The big tree has colored lights and the 2 little ones have white lights. I insist on white lights on the outside of the house. I don't want colored lights on my home.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

"Blue Christmas" by Elvis and "Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

Home. I hate traveling during the Christmas holidays.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen and Rudolph.

Impressed?

Don't be. I had to Google it.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

There's an angel on top of the big tree, and red velvet bows on the little ones.

21 . Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

The kids get to open new PJs on Christmas Eve, but everything else is saved for Christmas morning.

22 . Most annoying thing about this time of year?

That song about the Christmas shoes.

23. Favorite christmas ornament?

The crocheted wreaths and stockings that my grandmother made. She used to make them and give them away every Christmas. When we cleaned out her house after my granddaddy died (and we had to move her to an assisted living facility because of her Alzheimer's) I found a bunch of those ornaments. I hogged them all and now they hang on my tree. I also found a gorgeous crocheted tree skirt she'd made, and I use it every year.

24. Favorite thing for Christmas dinner?

Anything I don't have to cook.

Blog Challenge: Money

How did money affect you this holiday season? Did it affect you at all? Did you overspend? Did you work within a tight budget? Did you feel guilt or anxiety over how much you spent? Did you find yourself wishing you could spend more, or wishing you had spent less? Did money control the way you gave, and did it influence the way you received?

This is the third Christmas when I haven't worried about money. I don't know how I ever enjoyed Christmas in years past, knowing bills were coming our way in January. I would be completely stressed out if I knew a credit card bill would be on its way soon. I couldn't enjoy the holidays that way.

We started the Dave Ramsey program in October 2003 and paid off our last consumer debt in April 2005 (we still have a mortgage). We don't use credit cards; instead, we put aside a certain amount of money each month so we have a decent Christmas budget in November. The budget includes everyone we need to buy for as well as any charity donations we plan on making in December.

Two years ago my husband and I decided to limit our kids to three gifts each, following the tradition of the Magi that visited baby Jesus (each brought one gift.) It has really trimmed our budget, and the kids enjoy what they do receive MUCH more. We have found that we also put a lot more thought into what we buy for the kids.

I always wish I could spend more money at Christmas, but not on my kids. My favorite part of Christmas has become the charitable giving. There's never enough money for that, in my opinion. I could give and give and give.

In November we do the shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. We pack one box for each member of our family. The kids have really enjoyed participating in buying the items we place in the boxes, as well as the packing of the boxes. I love walking into our church on the designated day and seeing all of the shoeboxes piled high. I would love to follow those boxes one day, to be able to hand them out to the kids who receive them. Man, what a trip that would be.

We also choose angels from the Salvation Army Angel Tree every year. Our church sets up one, and we look for kids that match our kids' ages. We have a blast shopping for the kids, and our children enjoy picking out clothes and toys for their "angels". I hope our children get as much out of this process as I do, and that as they grow older they will always remember that it's not all about them at Christmas.

My family has been blessed beyond measure. I'm a firm believer in the passage found in Luke 12:48. It says, " From everyone who has been given much, much will be required..." I feel like because I have been so richly blessed, it is my duty to give back. I love to give, and I try to do it as often as I can.

Did you find yourself wishing you could spend more, or wishing you had spent less?

I definitely wish I could give more. Always. I just love to give!

Stage Presence

Tonight I sat in the pew of my church and watched in awe as my daughter approached the microphone to sing a solo. She sang without signs of any nervousness (though I was sitting with cold, clammy hands, shaking in my seat...) She sang loudly and confidently and she sang with perfect pitch.

I was so VERY proud of her.

This is her fourth time since May 2005 that she has earned a solo in a church musical. She was the only first grader to earn a solo in her first musical in May 2005. She rocked that one. I cried when she finished because I was so very stinkin' PROUD of her.

She went on to sing solos in last year's Christmas musical and the spring 2006 musical. The song she sang tonight was the most difficult one yet.

But she pulled it off.

The other kids that took their turns singing did so with fidgeting hands or fists clenched in fear. They sang softly and quickly and ran back to their places when their songs were over.

Not Camryn. She strode boldly to the microphone, smiled her winning smile, and sang her heart out.

She's a natural performer. I don't know from whom she gets her confidence, because I would be jelly on that stage. I have sung in groups before, large choirs and ensembles, but never a solo. That's scary.

My daughter knocks my socks off. I'm such a proud mom!

50th Blog!

Woot!

It's my 50th blog! PAR-TAY!

I went to Target today to do some Christmas shopping for my hubby.

Really, he's not that hard to please. He doesn't even need Christmas gifts, but I always feel the need to try to buy him something. Anything.

I took my 4 year-old son with me and we had a great time. I bought him a box of cookies and some chocolate milk at the snack stand ('cause I use food to buy my kids' love, you know...) We surfed the endcaps for the Target clearance deals (not much there, I tell you!) I got myself a new sweater, some new Aveeno facial cleansing pads and some moisturizer. I love getting new stuff, even if it is just *moisturizer*.

But back to the reason we were there. Shopping for my sweet hubby.

I pushed our buggy up and down the aisles, perusing clothing (he doesn't need it), underwear, t-shirts (needs them, but my mom always gets him these for Christmas... don't know why...), electronics (not even going to go there... he's a tech freak and I'm so.... NOT), bicycles (um, no) until I got to the automotive department.

JACKPOT.

I found so many things that hubby can use in the auto department. A new suede-y steering wheel cover. A thing that fits in the cup holder that stores loose change. A huge mug with a bottom that fits in the cup holder. A keyring that is also a voice recorder thingy so he can leave himself little messages (like, "bring home eggs" or "buy my wife something nice". You can see how this might work to my advantage!)

I also found him a nice Black & Decker auto wrench in the tool department. 'Cause if there is one thing my hubby loves, it's things that make his life easier. And what about an AUTOMATIC WRENCH doesn't SCREAM "lazy to the bone"?!? You don't even have to turn your wrist! COME ON! How great is that?!?

There's just one thing I have left on my list for hubby: a Claxton fruitcake.

I can see it now. Sweet hubby, sitting on the couch on Christmas morn, wearing his brand new undies, noshing on his fruitcake, putting together toys with his lazy man's wrench.

It's a Wonderful Life.

40 Days

You know it's 40 days until Christmas, right?

I'm not ready. I'm really NOT ready.

Usually by this time of year I have at least half of the gifts bought. I haven't bought ONE dadgum thing yet. I don't even have a firm grasp on what my children desire this year. I really don't care to buy them ONE THING, to be honest. Why should I? I'll just have to clean it up.

I don't want to drag out the tree and the ornaments and the lights and all that hoo haa that goes along with a commercialized Christmas. I don't want to make a list and check it twice. I don't want to dress the kids up, take them for their annual visit with Santa, cajole them to smile for the picture. I just want to skip all that nonsense this year.

I used to love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love the true meaning of it. But I've gotten so burned out trying to "do" Christmas the world's way. I'm tired of it. No cookie exchanges, no Christmas parades, no pageants, musicals, class parties, gifts for "fringe" people (teachers, mailmen, secretaries, etc.)

I just want to quit Christmas this year.

I want to gather my family up and escape to a secluded location and really celebrate the meaning of Christmas. The meaning that's not widely marketed.

I want to give gifts to people because I WANT TO, not because it's expected of me. I want to grab a handful of angels off the Salvation Army Angel Tree and buy for them instead of my own kids, who truly do not need a thing. I want to GIVE IT AWAY this Christmas.

So why do I feel like I can't do that? Why am I stuck?