40 Days

You know it's 40 days until Christmas, right?

I'm not ready. I'm really NOT ready.

Usually by this time of year I have at least half of the gifts bought. I haven't bought ONE dadgum thing yet. I don't even have a firm grasp on what my children desire this year. I really don't care to buy them ONE THING, to be honest. Why should I? I'll just have to clean it up.

I don't want to drag out the tree and the ornaments and the lights and all that hoo haa that goes along with a commercialized Christmas. I don't want to make a list and check it twice. I don't want to dress the kids up, take them for their annual visit with Santa, cajole them to smile for the picture. I just want to skip all that nonsense this year.

I used to love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love the true meaning of it. But I've gotten so burned out trying to "do" Christmas the world's way. I'm tired of it. No cookie exchanges, no Christmas parades, no pageants, musicals, class parties, gifts for "fringe" people (teachers, mailmen, secretaries, etc.)

I just want to quit Christmas this year.

I want to gather my family up and escape to a secluded location and really celebrate the meaning of Christmas. The meaning that's not widely marketed.

I want to give gifts to people because I WANT TO, not because it's expected of me. I want to grab a handful of angels off the Salvation Army Angel Tree and buy for them instead of my own kids, who truly do not need a thing. I want to GIVE IT AWAY this Christmas.

So why do I feel like I can't do that? Why am I stuck?