7/30/07

My Day (7/30/07)

9:15 am Awakened by my hubby's "gotta go" goodbye kiss
9:30 am Finally awake enough to roll out of bed. Used the bathroom, got dressed, brushed hair. 9:35 am Hung up 2 loads of laundry and put a 3rd load into the dryer
10:15 am Finally made it into the kitchen. Grabbed a chocolate fudge Pop Tart and a glass of Splenda tea (how's that for a balanced breakfast?!?)
10:16 am Aiden said his Buddy Browser wasn't working and asked if I could fix it.
10:17 am Told the boys to unload the dishwasher while I try to fix the computer (I can fix a computer as well as I can fly the Space Shuttle, but my kids don't need to know that!)
10:25 am I tried to fix the Buddy Browser. I'm not a member of the Geek Squad, so I placed a call to my husband and rebooted the computer while waiting for his return call.
10:40 am The doorbell rang. It was my sweet mail carrier laden with packages and a People magazine! Good mail day!
10:42 am I cleaned off the desk in the kitchen. Looks good! All decluttered and stuff. While cleaning, I spotted an index card with the words "conveyer belt of death" written on it in my 9 year-old's handwriting. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought was, "Hmmm... she almost spelled it right!" I guess I should've been wondering why she's writing about conveyor belts of death (turns out it was the name of a puzzle she created on one of the games on Buddy Browser.) 10:45 am My husband called and said, "Check the internet connection." He's really short and to the point when he calls like that. No, "Hey! What's up?" He's usually in between patients, so he just cuts straight to the chase.
10:48 am The computer finally finished rebooting (yeah, it takes awhile for this dinosaur to get there...) Internet connected. Buddy Browser works. I'm a GEE-NEE-US.
10:50 am Called Aiden back to the computer. "It's fixed!" Hugs all around!
10:57 am I put up the dishes the boys emptied onto the counter and reloaded the dishwasher. Checked the fridge to see what we can have for dinner (Dream Dinners Chicken Tetrazzini to the rescue!)
11:00 am Set the kitchen timer for 30 minutes and told the boys that’s all the time they had left to do computers.
11:15 am Cleaned all the sippy cups out of my kitchen cabinets. Lillian’s done with those. Some of those cups are 9 years old!
11:30 am Started onions sautéing for my lunch. I’ve been craving smoked sausage on a hoagie topped with onions and sauerkraut, so that’s what I’m having. The kids are having turkey and cheese sandwiches with plain Lays. Timer went off. Boys left computers without complaint. Huh. How 'bout that?
11:34 am Helped Lillian put her underwear and pants back on after a self-instigated potty trip (Yea!)
11:45 am Finished making the kids’ sandwiches (which changed to PB&J). They sat down and ate while I finished making my lunch
12:00 pm Sat down to eat. Watched a guy (who came back to fix our pool light) pee in the woods in our backyard, clearly visible from my kitchen window. I previously warned them that WE CAN SEE THEM when they do that, but I guess they don’t care. (I DO.)
12:05 pm Put 1/4 of my lunch in the trash. It didn’t hit my spot. I used the wrong sauerkraut (plain instead of Bavarian style). Didn’t taste like I wanted it to. Oh, well.
12:06 pm Put dishes in dishwasher.
12:09 pm Started opening the 2 boxes I got in the mail. Inside? Scrapbook supplies, natch. I got my big order from Frugalities. Love that place!
12:11 pm Helped Lillian put her panties and pants on again. Gave her potty candy (a mixture of M&Ms and Skittles. She gets about 4 if she pees, more if she poops.)
12:12 pm Realized that I haven’t had to settle an argument between the kids today. Whassup with that? Can’t be far away, though. Boys are playing GameCube together. It’s a matter of minutes.
12:30 pm Started checking e-mail and my daily internet sites.
12:39 pm Put Lillian’s panties and pants on again (she went poo this time, and her panties are still dry! Can I get an “OH YEAH!” ?)
12:50 pm Said my first, “Hey! Guys!” to the boys when they started yelling at each other over the GameCube game they’re playing.
1:30 pm Put Lillian down for a nap.
1:34 pm Showed my kids (on allearsnet.com) where we’re staying at Disney World during our December trip. Can’t wait to go!
1:59 pm Sat down to watch a Travel Channel show on Disney World’s Animal Kingdom with my 6 year-old son. The 4 year-old and 9 year-old soon joined us.
2:05 pm While watching the show, made a ride height requirement spreadsheet for our December trip so I know which rides Quinn and Lillian can/cannot ride.
2:50 pm Watched “Hannah Montana” with the kids. Say whatcha' want about Billy Ray Cyrus, but I think it’s a funny show. The kids and I enjoy watching it together. (“Teenie Meanie say what?”)
3:10 pm Watched Food Network challenge: Disney Princess cakes (can you tell we’re killing time until Lillian awakens from her nap so we can go swimming?)
3:12 pm Enjoyed a chocolate pudding snack. Considered going to unload the dryer. Decided against it.
3:17 pm Started playing Webkinz.
3:29 pm It’s thundering outside. Pooshaw. No swimming this afternoon.
3:45 pm Lillian’s awake, and her diaper is dry! Yesssssssssssssssss!
4:14 pm Still raining. And thundering. And lightning.
4:35 pm I have GOT to get up off of this couch and (1) get Lillian potty candy and (2) go to the bathroom.
5:00 pm Started making dinner. Boiling spaghetti noodles to go in the tetrazzini mix.
5:10 pm Sat down to read over the Birnbaum Disney 2007 guide while I wait for noodles to boil. 5:15 pm Remembered I have a tube of Pillsbury brownies in the fridge that would be perfect for dessert.
5:20 pm Got Lillian more potty candy. She’s STILL dry!
5:24 pm Noodles are done. Mixed them with the tetrazzini mix and put it all in the oven.
5:25 pm Wrapped the garlic bread in foil and put that in to cook, too.
5:50 pm Took brownies out of oven. Would anyone notice if I just stood there and ate the whole pan myself? Ehhhhhhhh.... probably.
6:10 pm Took tetrazzini & bread out of the oven. Hubby should be home any minute.
6:35 pm Hubby still not home. Fed kids anyway so food didn’t get cold.
6:45 pm Hubby walked through door.
7:00 pm Dessert time!
7:15 pm Kids wanted to swim. Hubby took them outside.
7:25 pm Finished cleaning kitchen. Turned satellite to 80s hits and sat down on the couch with the People magazine I got in the mail. Lindsay Lohan on the cover. She's killin' herself. Somebody needs to step up and be an adult and HELP HER, already. That same somebody needs to take those kids away from Britney, too.
8:28 pm Kids still out swimming. Finished the magazine. Surfed the ‘net again.
9:00 pm Kids and hubby came in from swimming. The timer for the pump cut off and they decided it was time to stop swimming. I think they’d still be out there if the pump was on.
9:06 pm Put Lillian’s diaper and jammies on. Told her to wake up and go potty in the morning. We’ll see.
9:15 pm Put Quinn to bed. Love doing the nighttime routine with that kid.
9:24 pm Peeked in on Aiden and told him goodnight. He was watching “Unwrapped” on Food Network. He loves that show.
9:28 pm Changed into my pajamas and went potty (TMI?) Did not give myself potty candy.
9:32 pm Started a load of laundry.
9:36 pm Poured myself a tall glass of Splenda grape Kool-Aid on ice. Livin’ on the edge.
9:38 pm Sat back down at the computer to finish what I was doing when the kids came inside.
9:41 pm Hubby started the DVR recording of “Hell’s Kitchen”. Had to watch.
10:12 pm Hubby cracked up at the commercial for a new movie called Superbad. I didn't get what was so freakin' funny, even after he rewound it and watched it again. (Something tells me the title says it all.) We'll probably end up renting it from Netflix.
10:30 pm NO NO NO NO NO! Jen is gone? What was Chef Ramsey thinking?!? (I can tell you what he's thinking WITH, if you get my drift. Ain't no way Rock is gonna win, and Bonnie doesn't deserve to win over Jen.) C'mon, chef!
11:03 pm I’m done. Headed to bed. (Well, not really, 'cause I gotta edit this and post it.)

M-I-C-K-E-Y

Guess what?




Yep! We're going to see the Mouse again!

Can you smell it?

Summer is slowly winding down. My younger son starts back to school on August 29. That's only 32 days from today (753 hours, 18 minutes, 30 seconds and counting...) The other two go back on September 4. The "baby" starts twice-a-week Mom's Day Out on the 13th (I think).

I'm ready.

I've enjoyed our lazy summer. I've loved making a decent breakfast (almost) every morning, and I've celebrated the fact that most days, there was nowhere to go after we finished. We ate slowly, talking to one another and laughing over pancakes or waffles or eggs and toast. My kids are so entertaining. I love starting my day off in their company.

Our "plans" always varied. Sometimes we'd devise a "caventure" (adventure) for the day. Sometimes we made no formal decisions about what we were doing other than we were definitely staying in our PJs until we decided to put our swimsuits on and take a dip. I've put together lots of Legos in the past 2 months. I've colored until I had to buy new crayons. I've raced the kids in the pool until I had to stop and take a breath (or 2. Or 10,045). I've snuggled the kids in their beds at 9:30 pm and 10 am. I've had a great time.

That's what I love about summer. There is a lack of urgentness about ANYTHING. There is an absence of formal plans. There's the sleeping late. There's the warm skin after swimming and drying out before coming inside. There's the cold skin after swimming and coming inside to an AC set to 72 degrees.

Summer is eating cereal for lunch if we want to. It's driving an hour out of our way to go to a great consignment or scrapbooking store we've never before visited. Free hours in the summer mean having lots and lots of special lunches with Daddy, or "parking lot picnics" at Sonic with all the windows down and the sunroof open.

Summer is all about good times.

I'll miss the "looseness" of summer, but I'll be honest. I'm gettin' ready for fall.

I can only handle so many days with no structure. The kids need structure. I need it. They need to be away from one another for several hours at a time.

I NEED TO BE AWAY FROM THEM FOR SEVERAL HOURS AT A TIME.

(I'm sorry. Did I just scream that? Ahem. Please excuse my outburst.)

Fall. I can smell it.

It smells like pencil shavings, brand new jeans, bologna sandwiches and, best of all, sweet freedom.

2007 Bathroom Tour

I took a big chance today.

Aiden had a dentist appointment, and I decided to go school supply shopping after the dentist. I figured we might find time to eat lunch with my husband somewhere between the two.

The big chance?

Putting Lillian in panties instead of her customary diaper.

So....

She went potty at the dentist's office.

She went potty (twice) at the restaurant.

She went potty at Target.

She went potty at Staples.

Five potty stops at four places equals one pair of dry underwear!

We'll see if she awakens from her nap with a dry diaper. Keep your fingers crossed! It would be so nice to have 4 kids out of diapers by the end of 2007!

(Oh, and of the 4, Target's hand soap smelled the best. Blueberries!)

My lip gloss be cool. My lip gloss be poppin'.

I have a confession.

I have "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama on my iPod.

Thanks, Brooke.

Stupid song, but I can't get it outta my head. So yeah, I downloaded it from iTunes. (Whatchoo know 'bout me? Whatchoo whatchoo know 'bout me?)

It could possibly be one of the dumbest songs ever recorded, but it's there. On the iPod. My guilty pleasure.

Everyone sing along!

I Like Funny

I love funny. Anything that makes me laugh. It can be tame. It can be borderline risque' (or heck... it can be full on risque!) I just love anything that makes me chortle.

I especially like witty, clever, sarcastic sayings. I found a website through Go Fug Yourself that sells t-shirts with witty sayings on them, and now I'm addicted to finding other witty tee sites. Not for purchasing purposes. Just for a daily giggle.

Here are some of the funniest tees I've found on the internet (Hopefully you can see them. They're a little smallish. Click on the image to see it larger.)

After reviewing the photo, I realized there are a few you can't read. It ain't funny if you can't see it, huh?

Top row, L-R:

1. My life is an endless battle against maturity.

2. Fish & Chips (get it? Those are cops riding fish!)

3. Edumacated

4. At least I'm not a hoe (it's a shovel).

5. Finders Keepers (man on the moon)

6. I (body part) Mad Libs (for those of us that ever loved to do Mad Libs.)

2nd row:

1. Paddle faster. I hear banjos. (Referencing the famous movie, "Deliverance")

2. Donna Martin graduates (any "90210" fans in da blog?)

3. The internet is no substitute for human companionship.

4. 1/20/09 (Dubya's last day in office. With a 29% approval rating, looks like 71% of America should own one of these shirts!)

5. Blue Trash (Smurfette had to have gotten around ifyouknowwhatimsayin')

6. Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew dissecting Kermit.

3rd Row:

1. Attention Fast Food Employee: In lieu of speaking to an inferior human, I'd simply like to request a number one with the soda of your choosing. (I could wear this to my local A&W/Long John Silvers and I'm convinced they wouldn't get it.)

2. Alex P. Keaton for President '08 "Sha la la la" ("Family Ties" anyone?)

3. Bubba Fett (The Star Wars bounty hunter comes to earth & lands in Alabama)

4. That man stole an element from my lab! Cesium! (That one's for my chemistry teacher mom)

5. Cow Tipping. It's udder chaos.

6. Cows Gone Wild. "Show us your teats!"

4th Row:

1. While preparing dinnner, Edna accidentally opens a can of Whoopass.

2. "Will that be all?" "Uh, yeah. It's for my lawn." (It's a disguised flamingo buying a plastic flamingo for.... uh..... yard decorating.)

3. Crack kills.

4. Help support the courtesy flush. (Definition: Flushing the toilet at the exact moment of a smelly bowel movement hitting the water as to minimize lingering oders that may eminate off the perpatrating poo. Keeping the bowl poo free will keep the bathroom odor to a minimum.)

5. Sorry, but my "Give a Damn" is busted. (Some days are just LIKE THAT, y'all!)

6. If you were a child in the 80s, you know this one, "Believe it Or Not". Guess!

5th Row:

1. Say hello to my little friend (That's Tattoo from "Fantasy Island")

2. Loading Humorous Message... Please Wait. (For all those times you've got a great comback... 5 minutes after you needed one!)

3. & 4. Little Miss Chatterbox and Little Miss Trouble are characters from childrens' books written by Roger Hargreaves.

5. Mr. Rogers. You Are Special.

6. 2 chocolate bunnies: "My Butt Hurts." "What?"

Last Row:

1. Okay, I give up. It's NUCULAR.

2. They're piranha crackers. Get it?

3. See above.

4. The croc tells the gator "See Ya Later". Gator replies, "Afterwhile."

5. Mt. Rushmore. "We will, we will Rock You"

6. Stop Staring at my TUTS.

Seven Days Without Spa Treatments Makes One Weak

One week ago today I was in the middle of a 90-minute deep tissue massage administered by the best masseuse I've ever had. Her name is Antoinette, and she's a well-kept secret. She could knead the lumps out of a knotty pine log. She's that good.

Seriously?

Seriously.

I've had deep tissue massages before, and afterwards I could barely get up off the table because I was so sore. 'Twasn't the case with Antoinette. I practically sprung off the table; my shoulders have never felt so tension free! All hail Antoinette! (I have committed to myself and to my husband that when school starts back up, I will be signing up for a regular monthly massage. He even noticed a difference in my back muscles when he rubbed my back the next morning.)

I guess I should explain where I was last week.

For Mother's Day I received a pre-paid spa day from my wonderful husband. When I told my sister that's what I got, she wanted to tag along (spas *are* more funner with friends or sisters!) So we signed up for a day of pampering. Needless to say, when it was all over, I wanted to move in and live at the spa.

(Children? I have children? I don't remember having any children! Go home? But THIS IS MY HOME! )

The massage was great. It was my favorite thing of the day (I shoulda probably asked to have it last...) but the Creme de la Creme facial was good, too. My skin felt as smooth as the proverbial baby's rear end when it was over. It would've been a more enjoyable experience had the "aesthetist" (as she was called) kept her trap shut during the process. The calming sounds of crickets and ocean waves were continuously interrupted by chit chat about the boyfriend, Chaz. Aesthetist and Chaz have dated, like, for four, like, years (since, like, high school) and they, like, know they, like, want to name their, like, kids, like, Grey and, like, Mallory.

LIKE, WHAT.EVER. She LIKE needed LIKE a mute button.

After our morning treatments, we were served a great lunch in the most beautiful room I've ever parked my tush in. The walls were painted in large horizontal stripes of white and off-white (which wasn't annoying as stripes can be); the curtains were a creamy white that matched the couches and large armchairs, and there was a small dining table set up near the windows. They call it the bride's room, 'cause that's where they host brides and bridesmaids that come to the spa to get pampered before the ceremony. It was absolutely luscious. I'd put a white room just like it in my house if I could guarantee it would stay white, but here, where yogurt becomes finger paint, I don't see that happening.

My sister and I went our separate ways after we ate. She got a "pampered spa pedicure" ("designed to put a little relaxation into your day. Aromatherapy bath salts, an exfoliating scrub, masques treatment and a warm paraffin treatment will condition your feet. Luxurious moisturizing massage energizes feet and soothes skin. Finish with your favorite nail color. While relaxing enjoy a complimentary glass of champagne, wine or hot tea.) Sounds nice, no?

I got to go see Raul for a haircut and color. I hadn't had either since November, and I was starting to look like a skunk with the grey hairs lining my part. Raul cleaned up the cut I'd given myself a few days prior (I put my hair in a ponytail and chopped off a good bit of it). I feel like a million bucks (well, maybe just a million pesos).

I will definitely go back to Victoria Place Salon & Spa. The girls there are not judgmental (well, they *might* be, but it doesn't show in the way they talk to you). I've been to spas before where they take one look at (overweight, stay-at-home mom, middle-income, Target clothing-clad) me and decide I'm not like one of their "usual" clients, and they spend the rest of the day looking down on me. I've also been to spas where the robe they gave me barely covered my nether regions, but Victoria Place had the best robes that actually covered most of me. I felt comfy walking around in it all day long, and I didn't have to constantly clutch and grab to keep myself covered.

It was a splendid experience, and I can't wait to repeat it. I'm thinking I really need a new holiday to celebrate so I can get another spa gift.

How about...

Happiness Happens Day (August 8)?
Best Friends Day (August 15)?
National Relaxation Day (August 15)?
Wonderful Weirdos Day (September 9)?
Wife Appreciation Day (September 15)?

Oh, no... I have it... I'll celebrate International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer (August 16).

Al Gore would be so proud!

House Rules

A couple of weeks ago I sat down at the kitchen table with the kids and I let them come up with the house rules. I was tired of keeping the rules in my head, and I thought if we actually wrote them down (and I let them help) it might cut down on a lot of chaos around here. I put the rules on the fridge, and when a rule is broken, all I have to do is point in the general direction of the kitchen and remind them of the list we made. Works pretty well.

These are the rules the kids dictated to me. Some things they told me were very specific, so I didn't write down *all* of their rules. If I had, the list would be as long as the Alabama Constitution (with 777 amendments, it holds the record for the most amended state constitution. If you have about 3 days, it's a comical read).

Anyhow, here are the rules for our household:

(1) No screaming at parents or siblings
(2) No Light Saber fighting except in your bedrooms or outside
(3) No hitting people or throwing things
(4) No running inside
(5) No stomping
(6) No sneaking food - always ask permission before getting a snack
(7) No playing on the couches
(8) No snatching
(9) No pinching or biting
(10) Everyone makes their beds and gets dressed in the morning before playing or eating (in the summer I let this one slide a bit...)
(11) The den is not a playroom! No toys in the den.
(12) No arguing. If you need an argument settled, find a parent.
(13) No pulling on the curtains
(14) Respect people when they're talking
(15) Do not say "NO" to Mom or Dad when they tell you to do something
(16) No fighting over seats (this is a problem at mealtimes, 'cause everyone wants to sit in the 2 seats that face the den TV, even though we usually turn it off)
(17) No kicking each other
(18) No standing on tables
(19) No slamming doors
(20) No locking doors
(21) Be delightful at the dinner table

Summertime

The Challenge: Summertiiiiiiiiiiiime, and the living is EEEeeezzzzzzy. Tell us how you feel about summer. This summer, a childhood summer, summer traditions, random summer memories, summer sights and smells and sounds. Whatever. Wax poetic about summertime!

Summertime.

When I close my eyes and think of that word, it's like a slideshow (with smells!) in my head.

I smell freshly cut grass. And watermelon. And coconut suntan lotion. And chlorine. And hot asphalt. And sunscreen. And bug spray. And freshly cut peaches.

Ah, the perfume of summer.

There are thoughts of spending days in my dad's classroom with my sister, a bike, some rollerskates, a cassette tape of Alabama's Mountain Music and unlimited Coca Colas from dad's vending machine.

Both of my parents were teachers. After school ended for everyone else, both Dad and Mom had to work an extra two weeks (they were 10-month employees.) It kinda' sucked, because we couldn't sleep late during those two weeks, but we found ways to have fun anyhow.

My dad taught auto mechanics at a local high school, and his shop was in a separate building. It had a long sidewalk that connected it to the main building, and that sidewalk made a perfect place to ride my bike back and forth. The classroom inside the shop was cleared of all its chairs so my sister and I could rollerskate; we'd bring cassettes in from Dad's car and play them on the A/V machine. He had eclectic tastes, so we skated to Alabama, Dianne Schurr, The Beatles, Iron Butterfly, Linda Ronstadt (her jazzy phase), and many more. If we got thirsty, Dad would unlock the Coca Cola machine and let us pick a beverage from it. Then he'd throw a dollar bill in the coin cup to make the Coca Cola guy wonder how it got there (this was before dollar bill slots on vending machines.) Occasionally he would order pizza and we'd have a picnic in his classroom. Sometimes he'd even take us for a ride in his school bus (which was great, because there was a ginormous hill on the school property... it was like riding a rollercoaster!) When the blackberries in the bushes around his building were ripe, we'd pick them and take them home for Mom to make cobbler or jam. Good times.

Summertime also meant lazy days in the pool with a book or a magazine. I'd get out of bed, throw on a swimsuit and a pair of sunglasses, grab a radio and a quick cinnamon roll for breakfast and head out back. I'd swim for about an hour, then I'd find a comfy spot near the steps or on a float and I'd read the day away. There was always a break at noon when I'd stop to eat a quick lunch and listen to "Jeopardy" on the radio (our local ABC affiliate could be heard on FM 87.7). Then it would be back to reading until I was engulfed in shade; I'd take another lap or two in the pool and then head back inside. Man, those were good days. There's nothing like warm skin after a long day in the sun. I'm sure I'll pay for it later, though. I hardly ever used a drop of sunscreen. Ah, the stupidity of youth.

When I entered high school, summer started to mean serving on mission trips with my youth group. We took a trip every year. I spent one week of each summer helping put on backyard Bible clubs for neighborhood kids in Youngstown, OH (9th grade), Boardman, OH (10th & 11th grades) and Buffalo, NY (12th grade). Our youth pastor always made sure to include a fun trip either going up or coming back (King's Island in Cincinnati, Niagara Falls or Pigeon Forge, TN), and the drives there were parties themselves. There was some great (juvenile, stupid) fun had on the buses or vans on those long trips. Great fun, indeed. Have you really lived if you've never covered a sleeping person's face in shaving cream or had a CB talk with a nearby trucker?

Now summer means so many different things. We always start the summer with our annual trip to Myrtle Beach. Those trips are more fun each year, as the kids get older and more responsible (and less dependent on me!) and I always look forward to them. I love the beach and wish I lived closer to one. Reading a book on the beach while the kids play in the sand and surf is something I could do every.day.of.my.life. You can't be in a hurry at the beach. Time stands still there. I think I have salt water in my blood.

Summer means fewer responsibilities. It means less running around, less driving. I don't make the kids change out of their PJs if they don't want to (unless we're going somewhere, of course!) I try to make a good breakfast (pancakes, French toast, waffles, eggs, etc.) most mornings. We see movies. We go to the library. We take day trips on Daddy's days off. We swim (daily, now that we have our own pool! Yea!) We read and watch TV (Food TV, HGTV, Discovery Channel, History Channel, etc.) We visit the Farmer's Market and buy fresh veggies and cook 'em up for dinner. We grill out. We do stuff together. We have fun. We enjoy life.

Summertime. I wish it could last longer than 3 months.

Dinner Conversations with a 2 Year-Old

Me: Lillian, do you loooooooove that chocolate cake?

L: Yesh (she puts the cutest little "sh" sound on the end of her yeses!)

Me: You know, my grandmother Dos loves chocolate, too. That must be where you get your love of chocolate.

L: Dora's umbrella (abuela) loves chocolate, too!

Me: That's right! She does! Lillian, you sure are smart!

L: I not smaht.

Me: Yes, you are.

L: Yesh.

Me: You're pretty, too.

L: Yesh.

Me: And super cute.

L: Yesh.

Me: And humble, obviously.

L: I NOT HUMPBLE!

(See, I told her she was smart!)

Formula For Success

What does it take to get 4 kids (ages 9, 6, 4 and 2) to sit still and quiet for about 2 hours?

Here's my formula:

• 3 boxes Mike & Ike candies (2 grape, 1 tropical)
• 1 box Junior Mints
• 1 box Rainbow Nerds
• 1-16 oz. Dr. Pepper
• 1-16 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper
• 1-16 oz. Dasani water
• 1-16 oz. Coke
• 1-16 oz. Mello Yello
• 1 empty bottle for the 4 year-old to pee in so you don't have to leave the theater during the flick (It went unused! Wahoo!)
• 1 large purse for hiding all the cheap snacks from Dollar Tree (Thanks, Elaine!)
• 5 tickets to the 11:30 am showing of "Ratatouille"
• 1 large tub of popcorn
• 5 seats on the very back row of the theater

Mix altogether and enjoy.

Timeline

Several months ago I bought a book from Amazon.com (Ha! Amazon tells me I bought that book on February 9th). When it arrived (along with the many other things I had purchased during that online shopping spree) I took it to my scrap room and put it aside to read.... one day.

Today is that one day! Sure, better things await accomplishment, but instead I've read 51 pages of Maggie Mason's No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog (way to shorten the title, Maggie.) I bought it because it's true: not one of you can say you care what I eat for lunch, so I shouldn't blog about it (which, admittedly, I did, about a month ago. Sorry. But did you like the Goop?)

Page 51/idea 42 is called "Make your Timeline". Sounded fun. I'll give it a shot.

Age 3: My sister was born, March 4, 1976. I remember throwing an afghan knitted in shades of brown, yellow and orange over an end table in the den and hiding underneath it every time she cried. My parents would both rush to her like she was a raging fire to be doused and I'd try to make it impossible to find me. I could've tried harder, because after two or three times of hiding in the same spot, I wasn't too hard to find. I was convinced my parents loved my sister more.

Age 6: First grade. I took my brand new hardcover Berenstain Bears book to school with me, and Edward Ragland wrote his name in red crayon all over the inside cover. I still have the book; Edward disappeared from school around the 9th grade.

Age 8: Fell off my bike head-first after my foot got tangled with the pedal while I was going downhill too fast. Lori Clinton was driving by at the time; she went and got my mom, who found me on the pavement with a mouth full of gravel and rushed me to the emergency room. I got several stitches in my upper lip on the right side. I was out of school for 2 weeks; Kelly Trucks brought my schoolwork home every day and saw my arm wrapped in gauze. She went back to school and told everyone I had a broken arm (it was just a bad scrape). My dad begged me to let him take pictures of my lip. Looking back I wish I'd let him do it for posterity's sake. (It took me about 6 months to get back on the bike.)

Age 10: December 7, 1983. I got my period for the first time. I remember it because it was a significant historical date as well.

Age 12: I wore a white outfit the day the 6th grade classes toured the middle school. My maxi-pad leaked all over the back of the outfit, and I had left my spares back at the elementary school. Thank goodness for jackets that can be tied around the waist. I was mortified to say the least.

Age 13: I met my favorite teacher ever, Mary Jo Burch. She taught the gifted program at my middle school. I loved her so much, because she taught me self respect. She taught me to hold my head high and not worry about my weight or teenage awkwardness. I learned to never let teasing bother me because of her. I was better than that, and Mrs. Burch helped me see that without knowing that was what she was teaching me. She just praised me without being fake about it, and I knew that she spoke the truth. Her opinions broke through all the nastiness that kids hear from "peers" and helped me get through those weird teen angst years.

Age 14: I was chosen to be on the high school yearbook staff. I was the only freshman chosen that year. I was proud.

Age 15: I had a dark winter. That's how I remember it all these years later. When I think about the winter before I turned 16, I remember grey, cold days and lots of black clothing. I missed 2 weeks of school. It started with a yucky cold, then spiraled into a depression that I didn't recognize as such until I was much, much older. I don't know how I climbed out of that hole, but I did. I almost failed geometry that semester. Prior to that I was an A-B student.

Age 16: I drove my 1984 white Ford Thunderbird by myself the first time on the Saturday following my birthday. The yearbook staff sponsored the high school pageant ("Miss Rendezvous") and I had to be there to help decorate. I remember my mom being strangely scared and nervous. Now that I'm a parent, I *get* that. I didn't 18 years ago. I was just ready to go.

Age 18: Remind me one day to tell you the pimiento cheese story (I might have already.) I started college at the University of Alabama, and through the wonders of pimiento cheese and maternal gut feelings, I ended up at Samford University, my eventual alma mater.

Age 19: March 20, 1992 was my first date with the person that would turn out to be my first serious boyfriend. We'd been really good friends since the previous summer, but the friendship evolved and we started dating. Good times. Bad times. Learning times.

Age 20: September 27, 1993. The first serious boyfriend called to break up with me while I was on the other line with my mom, who was telling me that Mrs. Mary Jo Burch finally lost her battle with cancer. At the time I didn't know which occurrence broke my heart more. Sitting here today, I can say I'd rather be able to talk to Mrs. Burch than the old boyfriend. Sometimes, in my head, I imagine conversations I might have with her. Unfortunately, I always do all the talking.

Age 21: July 7, 1994: I met someone online. August 19, 1994: The someone became my boyfriend after I met him for the first time in person. December 30, 1994: My boyfriend became my fiance'.

Age 22: I became a wife. January 20, 1996.

Age 23: I became a homeowner.

Age 25: I became a mom.

Age 27: I became the mother of 2 kids and suffered my first taste of post-partum depression. I hid it well. I also met another mom of 2 who would become a very good friend in the next few years.

Age 29: I became a mom for the 3rd time. That's about all I remember from that time period. Oh, I did start scrapbooking somewhere in there. It would become a lifeline for me.

Age 31: I had my 4th and final child and PPD slammed into me full force. It took me about 18 months to finally get help. SO GLAD I did. What took me so long? What wasted days those were.
Age 34: Living life and still learning. Loving my husband and my kids more each day. Pruning the dead branches of my tree to encourage more growth. Life is good. God is greater.