Selfish

I feel awful.

I was supposed to chaperone a trip to the apple orchard for my daughter's school today. Since it's a small school, there isn't a bus to take everyone at once. Therefore, they need parent volunteer drivers.

I found a nail in one of my tires yesterday. I found it at 5 pm. Yes, I could've gotten the tire fixed last night, but I didn't.

Why? Because part of me was relieved that I didn't have to go to the orchard today. I only said I'd go because my daughter was so pitiful when she was begging me to go. Plus, the scrapper in me thought, "Oh, that would make for some great pictures!" But inside, I knew I'd rather be at home, because Fridays are supposed to be my day off.

So I took Camryn to school today in Stan's truck and told the administrator I couldn't take kids to the orchard (the truck is not the most reliable vehicle, either, and the orchard is over an hour away in North Carolina...) I felt guilty about getting out of chaperoning, but I'm so glad I didn't have to go.

But I still feel awful. What if something happens to Camryn? Something I could've prevented if I'd been there? What if the lady that took my place driving has an accident and Camryn gets hurt? I'm wrestling with all this guilt.

But at the same time I'm happy to be home. By myself, because all of the other kids are at school. I'm completely selfish.