Pick a day this week, and blog about what's going on outside and what's going on inside. I'm thinking in literal terms: outside your house and inside your house. Or outside your place of business and inside it. But if you want to get creative, feel free to blog about YOU - what's going on inside as opposed to what you're allowing the world to see on the outside.Extra points for posting photos! If you can't post photos, then do your best to illustrate with your words. Give us a clear visual of what's happening inside and out! Don't worry about your house being messy, or your outside being boring. Document a day this week, just as you're living it. Tell us about the sounds outside and the sounds inside... or what the squirrels are eating and what you're eating... or what the temp is out there and how comfy you are inside... or what needs to be done outside and what needs to be done inside.Whatever. Be creative. Just blog about inside/outside.
Okay. I'm picking today.
Right now I'm sitting in my den with my laptop perched on a pillow in my lap. Everyone is heading to the kitchen table to sit down and eat lunch. The house smells like bad sauerkraut because my husband cleaned out the refrigerator while he was making lunch and put the sauerkraut down the garbage disposal. My 8 year-old daughter is refusing to come to the table because the smell of the bad kraut is making her gag. Funny. It's making my mouth water.
Outside it's a beautiful, sunny day. The temperatures, I believe, are hovering in the mid-60s. I don't know for sure, because I was in bed until around noon. I'm still sick. The marshmallow in stuck in my larynx has gotten smaller, but it still feels like someone poured jet fuel down my throat and then lit a match. And now my ears are starting to throb. Woo hoo.
I'm dressed in my lounging pajamas because, well, I'm lounging. I do not want to move from this couch. A neighbor came to my door about an hour ago, asking me to sign a petition. I'm sure I looked SO PRETTY. I'm sure I can't look that bad (I am clean, wearing clean underwear and deodorant), but I feel nasty. Sickly and nasty. My outsides look better than my insides.
My insides are a total mess. My mother-in-law found out last week that she has 4, possibly 5 blockages in her heart. She will be having open heart surgery on Thursday the 19th.
Outwardly I appear to be the loving, sacrificing, supportive wife and daughter-in-law. I should win an Academy award, really. Best Performance by a Daughter In Law pretending that all of this is going to be F-I-N-E.
I have so many emotions about what's about to happen with my mother-in-law. It is no secret that I do not think the best of her. I do not HATE her. She did produce my wonderful husband, so for that I am grateful. I'm just constantly preturbed by her. Just little things, really, but I have a very low tolerance for her.
So the fact that she will possibly be living with us for two months is driving me insane. I know that we built this house with its downstairs suite in case something like this ever happened. I just seriously didn't think it would happen this SOON. I'm not ready to have her in my house for such a long period of time. Not ready at all.
And I feel completely, utterly, sinfully guilty for having all of these feelings. I mean, if MIL didn't come here, where would she go? She has a sister, but she works. She has a brother, but he's not really the caretaker type. She has a daughter, but she's in Georgia. She has another son, but he doesn't have any room for MIL. So it's us. We (*I*) get the job of taking care of her. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. I don't want her here. I don't. I DON'T.
I'm selfish. I like my routine, and this is totally blowing all of that familiarity and sameness that I thrive on to pieces. I know I'll grow. I know this will teach me something. I know the kids will love having Nana here.
I'll get through it. I just have to deal with it. Put on my big girl panties and play nurse for two months.
I sincerely hope I don't get daughters in law like me. But I probably will.
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