Choco Taco -OR- Why Tide To Go Doesn't Make a Good Drumstick

Let me paint you a picture.

On the first Thursday of each month it is my responsibility to pick up a huge order from Taco Bell and deliver it to my 8 year-old's school. They don't serve hot lunch, so parent volunteers bring special lunches on Tues/Wed/Thurs.

So today I'm standing at the counter waiting on my order, chatting with the cashier. I jokingly said, "Now, the delivery person gets a free Choco Taco, right?" You know that way you have of saying something so it seems like your joking but really you hope they take you seriously, and then when they do you have to act all coy like you were just kidding? Yeah, well, that's what I was doing. So the nice cashier boy goes and gets me the Choco Taco. SCORE!



I get the food back to the car and drive off as I'm ripping open my Choco Taco. I'm trying to be oh-so-careful, because I have not proven myself to be the cleanest eater whilst inside a moving vehicle. I already had Coke splatter down the front of my shirt from an overfull cup I snagged at Chick Fil A (getting my daughter's lunch, 'cause she's not a fan of Taco Bell.)

About halfway to the school I polished off my Choco Taco and caught sight of a huge chocolate blob on my shirt. Right. Between. My. Hooters. Smashed. Ever done one of those art projects where you drop paint on the paper and then fold the paper in half to get a smushy symmetrical paint image? That's what happened to me. Chocolate blob butterfly right between the mammaries. LOVE. LY.

So I go digging in my bag for my Tide To Go, thinking I'd be able to apply it while driving (yeah, I know. I'm not bright.) I decided that wouldn't work, but I kept the tube in my hand anyhow.

I'm playing my iPod in the car, 'cause it's what I do when I'm driving. "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" started playing, and I'm groovin', using my Tide To Go as a pointer. Yeah, I let that devil have it with my Tide To Go stick. I'm glad my life isn't like "The Truman Show". It's not, is it? You'd tell me if it was, right?

The next song is even better. "Brick House" by The Commodores. "She's a brick howwwwse." I'm on drums again. Oh, yeah. Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now...

Then a REAL drum song comes on. From the "Drumline" soundtrack. How PERFECT is THAT? So, right in the middle of my drum solo, the Tide To Go stick cracks. Tide To Go. Everywhere.

Blech.

The moral of this story is: when someone offers you a free Choco Taco, politely refuse. And for heaven's sake, don't try to go all Tommy Lee on your steering wheel with a stick of Tide To Go.