Selfish

I feel awful.

I was supposed to chaperone a trip to the apple orchard for my daughter's school today. Since it's a small school, there isn't a bus to take everyone at once. Therefore, they need parent volunteer drivers.

I found a nail in one of my tires yesterday. I found it at 5 pm. Yes, I could've gotten the tire fixed last night, but I didn't.

Why? Because part of me was relieved that I didn't have to go to the orchard today. I only said I'd go because my daughter was so pitiful when she was begging me to go. Plus, the scrapper in me thought, "Oh, that would make for some great pictures!" But inside, I knew I'd rather be at home, because Fridays are supposed to be my day off.

So I took Camryn to school today in Stan's truck and told the administrator I couldn't take kids to the orchard (the truck is not the most reliable vehicle, either, and the orchard is over an hour away in North Carolina...) I felt guilty about getting out of chaperoning, but I'm so glad I didn't have to go.

But I still feel awful. What if something happens to Camryn? Something I could've prevented if I'd been there? What if the lady that took my place driving has an accident and Camryn gets hurt? I'm wrestling with all this guilt.

But at the same time I'm happy to be home. By myself, because all of the other kids are at school. I'm completely selfish.

Helper

Genesis 2:18 says "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

Helper doesn't even begin to describe what my husband is to me. Now, I know that the Bible says that the woman (Eve) was created to be a helper to Adam (her husband), but I would say that it goes both ways. Husbands are helpers, too! (Hey, that's a good t-shirt slogan!)

My husband, Stan, is my helper. He's the greatest. He's my friend, my confidant, my co-conspirator, my aide. He is truly "my better half."

Stan rubs my neck when it's sore (like it is right now). He rubs healing anti-itch cream on my razor burned legs so I don't scratch myself to death (like he did last night.) He uses the pumice stone on my heels when they get dry and cracked and need to be softened. He gently rubs my feet with soothing lotion when he finishes pumicing them. And after all that, if he feels the slightest bit "romantic" and I rebuff his advances, he doesn't pout. He understands.

Stan works hard all day long so I can enjoy the luxury of staying home with our children. Then, even though I know he's as tired as I am, my partner pitches in and does the dishes, bathes the kids, reads to them and puts them to bed so I can enjoy a long soak in my tub.

Stan never complains when we have Hamburger Helper for dinner, even though I know he'd love something tastier. He tells me I'm a great cook even though I'm capable of creating something nasty like low fat, sugar free chocolate sponge cake. He's not disappointed when he comes home and there's no lingering smell of something simmering on the stove. He either offers to take us all out to dinner or he digs around in the freezer and pantry for something to feed his family.

Stan doesn't utter a word when there are baskets stacked up in our bedroom, full of clean laundry to be folded (like there are right now). He doesn't disparage me when it's clear I've done "nothing" all day. He gets that some days a girl just hasta' stay in her PJs and watch game shows if she's going to stay sane.

Stan tells me I'm beautiful even when I know I don't look all that hot, because my sweet husband sees my inner beauty. He sees past my selfishness and my pride and my narrowmindedness and my gluttony and past everything I count as a personal fault. He loves me unconditionally. He shows me a great deal of mercy when I do not deserve mercy. I learn from every him day.

My sweet hubby spoils me and loves me and pampers me and exhorts me and praises me and I love him dearly.

This blog's for you, honey. Mwah!

Useful

"Happiness comes from the capacity to
feel deeply,
to enjoy simply,
to think freely,
to risk life,
to be needed."
-Storm Jameson

Your assignment is simple. Take all or part of this quote, and let it inspire you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gulp.

I saw this challenge, and I immediately felt like I was hitting a wall. I have no trouble sharing about FACTS, but when it comes to exposing my FEELINGS, I am a clam with a deadbolt lock on its shell.

I know how I feel, but expressing what I'm feeling is hard. It's rare that my husband and I fight, but when we do, I usually explain my side to him via email. It's easier that way, and I can actually erase a thought before he hears it. Sometimes I just furiously and feverishly type out all the words I want to yell at him, and then I feel better. I click "delete" and the thoughts aren't there anymore, on the screen nor in my head. He's none the wiser.

Eh, I'm rambling.

So, feeling deeply. Enjoying simply. Thinking freely. Risking life. Being needed. Hmmm.... (Insert the sound of fingers tapping here... drumming in hopes that they'll bring about the perfect thoughts to share...)

You know, I think I've partially lost my capacity to feel deeply. I am affected by things, sure, and there are many times in life when I'm moved to tears by things, events, stories. Yet I seem to be unaffected by so many things that I think I should feel more deeply than I do. I seem to have grown a callous on my heart in some areas. I've been aware of it for some time now. I know that my hardened heart is going to require softening, and I fear what God might do to bring back my tender heart. I wonder what kind of refining fire is in my future.

Okay, moving on...

Enjoying simply. I've got this part down. I am a simple girl. Heh. My husband would roll his eyes at that comment, because he thinks I'm super complicated, but I see myself as a simple person. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

I'm not a fancy girl. I buy my clothes and jewelry at Target. I love the Dollar Store. Pizza and an evening spent in meaningful conversation with my husband is my idea of a great date. If pajamas were acceptable daywear, I'd be the best dressed person out there. I love me some pajamas.

I like living simply (and by simply, I mean cheaply!) I was recently joking with my mom that when I die I want my tombstone to say, "I used a coupon to buy my casket!" I don't like owing money to anyone, and I'm not a frivolous spender. I'm not a tightwad, either, but I like things simple.

(On a funny side note: when I looked up "simple" at Thesaurus.com, it returned 103 synonyms. How's that for simple?!?)

I had to look up "freely" at Thesaurus.com as well. I have trouble wrapping my head around phrases and words sometimes, no matter how straightforward they seem. I rely on the dictionary and thesaurus a lot.

So, what exactly does "think freely" mean? I tend to search for synonyms to help me understand words. I pick apart phrases to get a clearer view explanation.

Thus, I can tell you that "freely" is defined as "unrestricted". Other explications are candidly, frankly, openly, plainly, unreservedly, unchallenged, without restraint, without hindrance, and without reserve.

Goodgooglymoogly. I am a free thinker. I can't be a free thinker! I'm a conservative Republican!

I've always thought of someone who defines themself as a "free thinker" to be somewhat liberal. I dunno why. But there it is. I do tend to think candidly, frankly, openly, plainly, unreservedly, unchallenged, without restraint, without hindrance and without reserve. I don't let social norms confine my thought patterns...or do I?

I know for sure that I am not a free speaker. I think freely. Sometimes too freely. I type freely. I don't shrink from sharing my opinions through written word, but I have an oh, so difficult time telling people orally what I think. The written word is just so less likely to cause a fracas. I hate dealing with confrontation in person or even over the phone. I wish I could be better at that. I just get all twisted up inside and then, heaven forbid, I start to get teary and choky and **gasp** I start to CRY. I can be more composed and sensical when I write things down. I'm not such a GIRL when I can confront people in a written manner.

What's left? Risking life. Again I have to consult Mr. Webster.

Interesting. All definitions of the word "risk" also include the word "loss". Does risk have to involve loss? I don't know, but I do know that I'm not much of a risk taker. I find solace in the mundane. I'm spotaneous in certain situations, but it's a restrained spontaniety. How's that for an oxymoron? Tempered free-spiritedness. Controlled impulsiveness. That's me.

So, back to the original quote. I guess I need to answer the question it seems to pose.

Am I happy?

Yes. I'm happy. I think that my greatest source of happiness lies in the author's last line "to be needed". To know that I am needed brings me great joy.

I meet the needs of people every day. I meet my husband's needs, my kids' needs, friends' needs and strangers' needs. Someone always needs me. I find joy in being needed. It keeps me from thinking only of myself.

Being needed reminds me of a line from a hymn.

"Here am I, send me Lord;
Here am I, send me Lord:
Make my life useful to Thee."
Make my life useful to Thee.

As long as I'm useful to God, I'm happy.

I Love My Bed

I love my bed.



I have a very comfy Tempurpedic mattress that I would not trade for all of the tea in China, and I LOVE me some iced tea.

The bedframe itself is a limited edition Kincaid cherry "rice"style, king-sized. It came with a certificate of authenticity and everything. I got a super deal on it about 5 years ago. We paid $400 for it new. A steal, I tell you.

I put high thread count, 100% cotton sheets on my bed in the summer time (no polyester blends on my bed!) I love climbing in between cool cotton sheets on a warm night.

I put cotton flannel sheets on the bed when it gets cool outside. I love a warm toasty bed in the winter.

When I climb into my bed at night, I just feel a release. I love getting into bed.

I love to read in bed. Sometimes when I have nothing else to do (which is rare!) I climb into my bed in the middle of the day and read. More often than not, I fall asleep doing that. Nothing beats a mid-afternoon nap. I also read myself to sleep at night a lot.

I have to make my bed when I get out of it. I don't like an unmade bed. I did leave it unmade all day yesterday, which is not at all like me. But I felt like leaving it unmade. I just couldn't bring myself to fix the bed.

I love my bed. I'd live in it if I could.

Friday Facts

Do you ever get zits in your nose? I hate 'em. They make my eyes water when I try to pop 'em.

I love this new fashion trend: button-down shirts with the bottom buttons undone. Keeps this big girl from popping her buttons.

Do you ever wonder what people at fast food windows think of you when you place a large order and it's just YOU in the car? Yesterday I went by Chick-fil-A on my way home from dropping Camryn off at school. I wanted a chicken biscuit, and I got something for my mother-in-law as well. Not knowing what she'd want, I ordered a gravy biscuit platter, some chicken minis and a cinnamon roll as well as my biscuit. I felt like I needed to tell the lady at the window that I wasn't personally going to consume all of that food. I dunno why.

When you blow your nose, is it your habit to look at what landed in the tissue before you crumple it up and throw it in the trash? I do. Again, I dunno why.

I realized today as I pulled on my denim capris (which really fit me like regular jeans 'cause I'm a petite gal...) There is ELASTIC in the waist of these jeans. I have officially begun wearing MOM pants.

I drive by a road everyday on the way to Camryn's school. Obviously it's a road named during the whole 911 switchover, the road is called Manley Crain. I want to know who Manley Crain is and why the road was named after him. Same with the road called Ephraim Few.

From time to time I see shoes with their laces tied together hanging over power lines. What is this phenomenon? Does it *mean* something?

What *is* the Crocodile Rock?

Why do I put *asterisks* around words all the time?!?

Jedi Bubba

You may be a Star Wars redneck if...

• You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
• Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
• You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
• At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer colored.
• You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
• You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
• The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
• Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
• Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
• You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
• You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
• You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
• Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
• You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
• You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
• You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
• You hear ... "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

Questions, questions

I'm having a big of blog block, so I went searching on the 'net for some help. I found a site that helps you cheat on your blog! It lists questions every Monday. Perfect!

Here are this week's questions:

1. Do you do dishes by hand or do you use a dishwasher?

I use a dishwasher. I don't hate washing them by hand, but I have a somewhat germophobic hubby. He insists on dishwashing with the machine, because it sanitizes so much better than the handwashing does. There are some things that can't be put in the machine, so I do those by hand using the hottest water possible.

My dad's mom has never had a dishwasher. When we go to her house, the dishes have to be washed by hand. I *HATE* it. She uses so much grease in her cooking, and it makes the water oily. I have to empty the sink 2 or 3 times to feel like I'm getting the dishes clean enough. Blech.

2. How many people have your cell phone number?

I do not know. I don't give it out a lot. My husband has it, my sister, my parents, a couple of friends, my husband's family. I hate getting cell calls from strangers.

3. Do you shower in the morning or at night?

It depends on when I have time and how dirty I feel. I mostly shower in the morning, because it helps me start my day.

4. Do you ever have a song 'stuck' in your head?

Sometimes. When I get a song stuck in my head I have to wiggle my toes to the beat. Weird.

5. Do you pay your bills when they arrive, or do you wait until closer to the due date to pay them?

We have auto draft on all the big bills: mortgage, utilities, etc. Anything else I pay when it comes, or else I forget to pay it.

6. Are you obsessive about anything in particular?

I'm obsessive about too many things. I'm not a perfectionist, but I like things neat and I like things to get done on time. I'm obsessive with being organized.

7. What one thing would you say you have a zero tolerance for?

Disrespect.

Acrostic

I asked my husband and my older daughter (8) to write acrostics about me. Here are their efforts:

Hubby's:

Beautiful
Economical shopper
Terrific wife
Homestyle cook

Camryn's (I asked her to do "mommy", but she said "Beth" was easier!)

Beautiful
Enchanting
Talented
Humble

Here's the one I did about myself:

Better at some things than others
Economical & frugal
Thinks of others
Has a wonderful family

And a randomly generated acrostic from Blogthings.com:

Beautiful
Enlightened
Tricky
Hardworking

Hmmmm... beautiful came up in 3 of the 4 acrostics above. Granted, one was randomly generated by the computer (but, I DO sit in front of it practically all day, so maybe it knows me, huh?) I never think of myself as beautiful.

Enlightened, yea, though I could stand to be enlightened by about 100 more pounds. Oh, not what that means? Hm.

Tricky? Sometimes. I think moms have to be (wives, too!)

Hardworking. Darn straight.

But the one I love most of all?

Humble.

That daughter of mine. She's a sweetie.

Counting Down...

10 Things I Wanna Do Before I Die

1. Go to Hawaii
2. Take an Alaskan cruise
3. Work at Disney World
4. Take an RV around the country
5. Lose 100 or more pounds
6. Take a cake decorating course
7. Visit London
8. Move to the beach or own a beach home
9. Open a catering business
10. See my kids marry & have kids of their own

9 Places I Last Spent Money

1. the post office
2. Ryan's restaurant
3. Restaurant.com
4. Target
5. Taco Bell
6. ACherryOnTop.com
7. Ebay
8. kids' school tuition
9. Angel Food ministries

8 Sounds I Routinely Hear Around My House

1. My 3 year-old's whine
2. My 1 year-old's laughter
3. Noise from 5 year-old's computer games
4. Music from my iPod
5. Theme songs from "Dora the Explorer" and "Go! Diego, Go!"
6. washer & dryer running and/or buzzing
7. the "beep beep beep" of the alarm letting us know someone has gone out a door
8. the phone ringing

7 Real Restaurants Where I Last Ate Out

1. Ryan's
2. Olive Garden
3. O'Charley's
4. Rancho Grande
5. Moe's
6. Mythos (Greek/Italian)
7. Moe's (we ate there twice last week... mmm! Fish Tacos!)

6 Things I've Recently Scratched Off My To-Do List

1. go to post office to mail off a paper round robin
2. start my wedding scrapbook
3. finish the laundry
4. pick up some things for Camryn's classroom
5. get a 20x30 picture framed for my bedroom
6. return videos to the library

5 People I Don't Know but would Like to Hang Out With

1. Rosie O'Donnell
2. Stacy Kocur and Jenny Puzzo (the famous Cowtown Stacy and Jenny in MN from ScrapShare.com)
3. Paula Deen (in my kitchen, naturally!)
4. David Duchovny
5. the girls who write "Go Fug Yourself" and the woman who writes "Fluid Pudding"

4 Songs That Make Me Happy

1. Victory in Jesus
2. Jack & Diane
3. Shout to the Lord
4. I Will Be Here (one of my wedding songs, by Stephen Curtis Chapman

3 Things I Hate To Do

1. exercise
2. go to the doctor
3. clean toilets

2 Things I'm Really Good At

1. Being a mom
2. cooking

1 Bad Habit

1. chewing or picking at my fingernails

Here's Your Sign

If you have a sign in your front yard that says, "Nothing in this yard is FOR SALE," it might be time to take a load to the dump, Bubba.

Seriously.

That sign actually exists in a yard on the road I travel to take Camryn to school.

I'm tempted to walk up to the door and ask how much they want for that old toilet near the driveway.

Entertaining Angels

This week's blog challenge: Write about an event in your life that you were directly impacted by, whether you were on the receiving end, or on the giving end. Tell us about an act of selflessness, an act of bravery, an act of servitude...

I don't know why I've had a little bit of blog block with this assignment. I just couldn't think of what I want to write about. So I did what the average internet user would do.

I Googled "Entertaining Angels". This story came up on many of the hits. I liked it. I thought I'd share the link (I can't copy it, because I don't have permission from the author, but please read it!)

In his editorial note at the end of this story, Jaye Lewis said, "'Entertaining Angels' is a true story which illustrates my belief that a life not shared with those less fortunate is no life at all."

Dictionary.com gives this definition of fortunate: having good fortune; receiving good from uncertain or unexpected sources; lucky

That made me ask myself this question: When have I received good from uncertain or unexpected sources?

I thought long and hard.

I mulled it over all day on Tuesday.

I pondered it all the way out to Camryn's school and back today.

I considered it a little while longer this morning while I was emptying the dryer.

I struggled to come up with SOME instance the entire time I was emptying and filling the dishwasher today.

I was prepared to write that I have never been on the receiving end of such kindness. I actually sat and typed a sentence to that effect, but I had to erase it, because God, who always sees what I type here, suddenly reminded me of the floods of kindness I have received in my life, the times I know that angels had me in their grasp, the times when I have received good from "unexpected" sources.

Though I don't remember it, I am frequently reminded by my mom that I fell down a long flight of concrete stairs when I was very young. I was, of course, shaken by the incident, but suffered no injuries from the fall.

When I was a teenager I passed out in a hotel bathroom. We had been on the beach for hours the day before, and I'd gotten extremely sunburned. I woke up dehydrated and dizzy. I went to the bathroom, and don't remember anything after I stood up to wash my hands until my dad came into the bathroom.

As is typical for hotel bathrooms, it was a small space. The sink and the tub were parallel to one another, with the toilet on the wall in between. I remember I was facing the sink, washing my hands, but I woke up laying on the floor between the sink and the toilet, as if I had turned 90 degrees before falling. It was if someone had caught me under the arms as I fell and laid me gently on the floor. Had I fallen backwards, I would've broken my neck when I hit the side of the tub. I know it was an angel that held me that day.

On my 2nd full day of classes at the University of Alabama, I decided I had chosen the wrong school. I wanted to go home and start over. I just didn't know how to do it.

I called home to talk to my mom, but I got my 15 year-old sister instead. I poured my heart out to her, and after doing so I felt a little better. I thought I could stay and tough out the semester. I made her swear not to tell my mom.

I opened up my mini fridge and took out a tub of pimiento cheese spread. I lifted the lid and noticed a Bible verse there. The verse was Isaiah 58:9. It says "you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I."

"Alright, God," I said silently. I told my roommate I was going to take a shower. In the shower I prayed for God to show me what to do.

I got back to my room and my roommate told me my mom had called, worried about me. I secretly cursed my loose-tongued sister.

I called Mom. She said, "What's wrong?"

"Why? What did Brooke tell you?" I said.

"Brooke? She hasn't told me anything. I just felt that something was wrong with you, so I called."

My mom is an angel. She and I calmly discussed everything I had to do to come home and find another school. I started at Samford University the next week with partial scholarships. God is good.

My 3rd child, Quinn, was born via c-section. He was breech, and I was given the choice of trying to turn him or going ahead with the surgery. I chose the surgery, even though everything in me was saying "try to turn him".

I'm glad I didn't listen to *my* voice. God's voice and peace helped me make the right decision. Quinn was born with the cord wrapped twice around his neck. Had he been turned, he might not have survived.

I have been ministered to by earthly angels, too.

Weeks of meals were brought to me and my family as each of my children was born. Those meals provided nourishment for us and rest for me.

The unselfish souls that take care of my children each week either in the nursery or the kids' Sunday school classes are angels. Without them I would be distracted during worship. Those sweet angels also serve to plant very important seeds of faith in my children's minds and hearts.

I have been calmed by unseen angels on airplanes. I am a nervous flyer, and God always provides me an angel to help distract me when I fly. Someone to talk to to get my mind off the flight.

God and his angels have kept me safe from many an accident. I am quick to thank God when there is a near miss with another car. Thank you, God, for the protection you provide through your unseen angels.

God has allowed me and my children to be angels as well.

I have had the joy of buying stamps for a woman who had to mail her power and water bills. She came to the post office prepared to buy stamps out of a machine that no longer dispense stamps. I gave her 2 of mine.

My daughter shared her toys with 2 impatient and misbehaving twin boys in a line once. She had just gotten the toys out of the prize box at the dentist's office, but she realized that the boys (and their mom!) needed the distraction the toys could provide more than she needed the toys.

Nahum 1:7 says, "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."

God is our refuge in times of trouble. Thank you, God, for sending help when we need it. Please remind us to ask for your help and to be responsive to your call when we need to assist you in being a refuge for someone else.

5 year-old humor

Yesterday we drove past a lake where a church was baptizing people.

I shouted to my city-kids-who've-never-seen-an-outdoor-baptism, "Look! Guys! They're baptizing!"

Camryn (8): "OUTSIDE?"

Me: "Yep!"

Camryn: "They can *DO* that?!?"

Me: "Uh-huh."

Camryn: "Oh. I thought it was holy water or something."

Me: "Nope. The water doesn't have to be special. It's just symbolic."

Aiden (5): "Won't they get fish pee in their hair?"

A Child of the 80s

I was born in 1973, so I spent a good amount of time growing up in the 80s. As a tribute to my youth, I present (well, I cut & paste...)

You know you were a child of the 80s if...

• You fell out with friends during heated arguments about the relative merits of Matt & Luke.
• You owned, or wanted a "Frankie says..." T-shirt.
• Cerise pink, electric blue and banana yellow have ever featured in your wardrobe or make-up collection.
• You remember when the A-Ha video was the pinnacle of modern technology, and you can still sing all the words.
• You ever owned a thin, black leather tie (and were proud of it), or worse it was patterned like a piano.
• You wanted to be either Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys.
• You tried to convince your Dad to fit a strip of red lights on the front of his Chevy so it looked like KITT.
• You remember when Betamax was at the cutting edge of technology.
• You owned a pair leg warmers.
• You rolled the sleeves of your suit jacket up.
• You owned a *real* Rubik's cube.
• One word: Izod.
• You remember when MTV didn't exist. Heck, you remember when MTV actually showed videos!
• "Alternative" music actually was...and not popular Top 40 tunes.
  You were a "wanna be". Madonna, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George, etc.
• "Where's the beef?"
• You know how to use a rotary phone.
• Max Headroom was cool.
• You know how (or wanted to be able) to Moonwalk!
• Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco were the ultimate gaming systems to own.
• You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool.
• Jelly bracelets & shoes!
• Your hair defied gravity.
• You are still baffled by the "day glo" clothing trend.

Ah, the 80s. What a wonderful decade. For more fascinating 80s trivia and reminiscing, visit http://www.inthe80s.com

Don't miss this page of ditties. Some of these I remember singing on the bus on field trips.

Good times.

Driven

Ahhhhhh... Saturday.

I haven't been this excited about a Saturday since I was a kid. I feel like I've been driving my van all day long every day this week.

Camryn, my 3rd grade daughter, goes to a school that is about 15 miles from our house. It is a nice drive with beautiful scenery, but it's just a LONG way out there. I take her in the morning and then come back home.

My sons started 3K and 5K at our church this week. That's about 6 miles from home. My husband takes them to school in the morning because there's no earthly way I can be in 2 places at one time.

Hang with me. I have a point here.

My older son stays in kindergarten from 8:30 am until 1:45 pm., Monday through Friday.

My younger son goes to school on Wednesdays through Fridays from 8:30 am until 11:30 am.

So, on Wednesday I dropped off my older daughter and came home. I was home from around 9 am until 11 am, doing miscellaneous household chores. I left home at 11 am and stopped off at Burger King to pick up lunch for me, my younger daughter, Lillian, and my son, Quinn, whom I was on my way to fetch from school.

Lillian had to eat her lunch while we were sitting in the car pool line, which didn't start moving until 11:30 am. Quinn ate his lunch on the way home from school. As soon as I got home (11:45 am), Lillian went straight to her bed for a nap. I spent some time with Quinn and did some laundry that I'd been ignoring.

A short 1 hour and 45 minutes later, I woke up Lillian so we could go get Aiden from school. She was grumpy, 'cause she's used to a longer nap.

As soon as we got in the car, Lillian started loudly demanding that she be allowed to watch DO-WAH (Dora the Explorer) on the van's VCR/TV. Ugh. She won't wear the earphones so I can listen to the radio while she watches the video, so that means I'm stuck. I either listen to her scream for Dora for the next couple of hours, or I listen to Dora. Seems like an easy decision, but sometimes I'd rather listen to the screaming.

Now, where was I?

I picked up Aiden and we headed out to pick up Camryn from her school. There is really no point in going home in between Aiden's pick up and Camryn's, so we just sat in the car pool line at Camryn's school for 30 minutes. You guessed it. Dora was on the entire time. It's most miserable when I forget to bring a book to read.

Vamanos! Let's go!

Back home. Ahhhh... I'd been in the car for 2 hours by the time we got back.

And I did that on Wednesday. On Thursday (including an extra trip to Camryn's school for a parent meeting). And Friday.

Did I mention that I filled up my gas tank twice this week?

It will get better. Lillian starts her Moms Day Out class on Thursday the 5th. She'll be there from 9 am until 2 pm. My husband has volunteered to bring Quinn home on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of next week, so I won't have that extra pick up. Quinn will start Late Stay at school on September 12th, so he will be staying at school from 9 am until 2 pm on Thursdays and Fridays. Hubby will be taking Wednesday pick-up duties for Quinn on the 11th.

So I'm happy that it's Saturday. I'm not driving ANYWHERE today.

From the Mouths (Pencils) of Babes

My 8 year-old daughter came to me last night and asked if she could sing me a song she'd created during her bathtime. She also needed a piece of paper on which to write her song; she had to copy it off the bathtub where she'd written it with bathtub crayons. I'll have to post a picture of that later. I am without my camera right now.

Thought I'd share the song. It is pretty amazing for an 8 year-old.

God is
Earth maker
Land creator
Water flower of the earth
Man maker
Everything that we could need
We are servants, sinners
But we are descendants of the Lord
Savior Jesus
Died on the cross
Blood of his fell on the ground
No other gods exist
Every night and day
I praise you for ever more
Land maker
World creator
Star, moon and sun maker
You are everything
That I will ever need.

Oh to have the faith of a child!

So You Had a Hard Day...

How do single moms do it?

My husband had a business meeting tonight after work, so I've had the kids all by myself today.

Okay, well, I had *2* of them all day long. The other 2 were in school for a few hours. Even so, I'm just about ready to drop. I fell asleep on the couch at 5:45 this evening. My oldest made dinner for the other 3 kids while I was sleeping (how great is she?!?)

I'm pooped.

I don't know how single moms do this all the time. Alone. God bless them.

It's in the Bag

I carry a large purse. I haven't always carried a large one, but, with the birth of each child my bag has seemed to grow larger (hmmm...much like my hips, feet, boobs and belly!) Alas, I think my days of the small bag are over for awhile...

Sadly, in the area of purses, I think I am becoming like my mother-in-law. I have often made light of the fact that she seems to have a Wal Mart store inside her purse. You ask for nail clippers & she produces them. Need a screwdriver? It's in there. Mine's not that bad, and I hope it never will be.

Here's a picture:





The purse itself is new. I will admit it cost a little bit of money, but when I got the Vera Bradley catalog in the mail, I fell in love with the fabric. I never spend money on myself, so I splurged. I deserve it.

I love that it has lots of pockets inside to keep things neat. I'm a bit overzealous about handbag organization. I clean it out religiously. I don't like to have gum wrappers or receipts or anything like that floating in the bottom of the bag. I don't like clutter in my home, and I guess it just extends to my purse. If it's possible to have just a smidgeon of OCD, I think I do.

The contents of my bag aren't shocking or atypical. There's the wallet with my debit cards and my Blockbuster card and my library card and my Staples teacher's rewards card and all of those things a person normally carries in a handbag. I have the checkbooks and the hand lotion (which should really only be in there in the winter, as my hands sweat too much in the summer for lotion to be necessary!). I have the little zipper purse that matches the bag (another splurge) and it holds gum, hand sanitizer, Splenda packets, and Ibuprofen. The 2 Longaberger catalogs (1 current, 1 upcoming) because I'm a Longaberger consultant and keep those with me "just in case". I have baby wipes for sticky hands and the household calendar for keeping up with appointments and such. Basic stuff.

The most important thing in my purse is the black wallet which holds my cash. I don't use credit cards (anymore). I am not good with credit cards. I am an emotional spender and can't be trusted with credit. I have to be given limits, and the cash helps limit my purchases.

The cash is categorized. I have cash for groceries, for fast food purchases, for restaurant purchases, for babysitters, for haircuts, for clothing, for entertainment and for "blowing" on stuff that's not in the budget. When the money is gone, I don't get any until the beginning of the next month. Living on the cash system has taught me all kinds of self control.

About 3 years ago my husband and I went through the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. We cut up the credit cards and paid off $73,000 in consumer debt within 18 months. It is one of the things I am the *most* proud of in my life. We now live credit-free. We have no debts except our mortgage.

I love living on the cash-only basis. I feel so responsible. I feel free. I feel in control of my money. I am proud that I have no debt. I can give when people need help. I LOVE IT.

All I Ever Have to Be

I'm struggling a bit lately. I can't exactly put into words what my struggle is; I just feel out of sorts, I guess. Something's up, but I can't put my finger on it. I wish I could plug myself into some machine that would diagnose the problem so it could be fixed. I guess it started when I threw the pity party for myself a few days ago. When I get down like that, it takes awhile for me to get back up.

I have to be so many things to so many people. I am the cook, the laundress, the maid, the chauffeur, the teacher, the handywoman, the appointment keeper, the shopper, the organizer, the family historian, the diaper changer... and so much more. Basically I am *the* person who makes sure this machine called "Our Life" runs smoothly. I feel like I'm hardly ever given that pat on the back I think I richly deserve, and that bites.

Sometimes I get so caught up in making sure everyone else is taken care of that I forget to take care of myself. I take such pains to make sure that everyone in this house is happy and content. I forget. I forget the person whom I'm ultimately here to please. I forget that God created me to make Him happy. I forget to be the person He created me to be, because I'm so busy trying to be who I think I should be instead.

I forget that He's up there cheering for me. He's patting me on the back. He sees what I do. He knows how hard I work. He gives me the strength to keep doing what I do day after day after day.

This is one of my favorite songs. I sang it to try out for the high school ensemble at my church. I love its simplicity, its brevity, its message. It reminds me that no one else matters. There is no one on this earth to be impressed. It's Him. HE matters.

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.
But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be
The one I think I am.
I think I am.
Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.
Who you are...
And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.

-----Amy Grant, "All I Ever Have to Be"

Conforming or Transforming?

Today on the drive to school I casually said to my daughter that it's just under 4 months until Christmas. This must've reminded her of other upcoming holidays, because suddenly we found ourselves discussing Halloween.

Several months ago our 3 oldest children (and my 35 year-old husband) became obsessed with Power Rangers. We had the DVR set to record every Power Rangers episode except Mystic Force. I was able to find a Pink Ranger SPD (Space Force Delta) costume for my older daughter. She was over the moon and couldn't wait for it to arrive on the front doorstep. She LOVED it. Just last month I found SPD costumes for the boys as well, so the three oldest kids had their Halloween costumes all ready to go. They were eagerly anticipating being Power Rangers for Halloween. It was going to be SO COOL!

Imagine my shock when my oldest announced this morning that she was rethinking her Power Ranger costume choice. She said she'd talked to all the girls in her class (all FIVE of them!) and none of them watch Power Rangers.

Three days into her first year of "real" school and we already have our first case of PEER PRESSURE, folks!

Well, maybe not the first case. On her first day my daughter was supposed to bring in her favorite thing to share with the class. I was there when her teacher announced that during the parent drop-in. She mouthed to me "Cozie!" Cozie is her bedtime pal. She's had him since she was born; he is even in the bassinet picture of her that was taken in the hospital.



When she got home from the drop-in I reminded her to go put a Cozie (she owns 3) in her backpack so he wouldn't be forgotten. That's when she started second guessing her choice. In the hour or so that it took to finish up at the drop-in and drive home, she'd already decided that Cozie was "too babyish" to share.

She won't wear her Crocs to school either, because "everyone else" wears tennis shoes. Buh. I saw the teacher wearing black Crocs just last week.

So, it's begun. She's giving into peer pressure. It's subtle, but it's there. I gave her a gentle mom-talk about being unique and not conforming to the standards of others. I reminded her of what God tells us in Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

She gave me the old 8 year-old eye roll and told me she's not changing costumes because of peer pressure, but I know differently.

On the drive back home my mind wandered. I started reviewing our conversation. I had to be honest with myself and admit that at 33 years-old, I still give in to peer pressure. I still worry about what people think of me. I struggle with it on a daily basis. Got no idea WHY.

When will I reach the place in my life when the only person I care about pleasing is God the Father?

I'll Cheer as You Fly

Here we are. My first blog post. I feel like I'm poised to right the great American novel, but I have no words to put down!

I never thought I'd have a blog. In fact, my sister even told me once, "Oh, don't ever get a blog!" I don't know why. I told her she needn't worry, as I didn't feel I had anything about which to blog.

Then I was challenged. Not directly, but by a post I saw on my favorite blog. I was almost dared to start writing about my "humdrum" life. So, here I sit, in my favorite spot on my favorite couch, laptop in place, grasping for words.

Do my words have to be important? Do they need to leave the reader inspired? I don't know. I guess I will just write about what I know.

I have four children, ages 8, 5, 3 and 1. The "baby" will be 2 next month. I really need to quit calling her the "baby". She probably won't appreciate being called that when she's, say, 15.

I just dropped my oldest child off at school. It was a bittersweet day for me, because she was homeschooled for 1st and 2nd grade. We enjoyed it, but we agreed that she needed to move on to "regular" school. Today was her first day. I took her while my husband stayed home with the other three kids. We had a nice chat on the way to school... it's a 20 minute drive on a 2-lane road, so we have some time to talk (and gawk... we're surrounded by the foothills of the Appalachian mountains. A daily reminder of the beauty of God's earth!) I think that will be my favorite part of the day. A lot of moms don't get 5 minutes alone with their children, so I'm grateful to have 20 uninterrupted minutes with her daily. To talk. To sing. To pray. To exhort. To teach.

I expected this day to be a little hard, but I didn't think I would cry. I mean, she's in THIRD GRADE. Moms of third graders don't cry on their kid's first day of school, do they? That's for moms of kindergartners, right? Ha. Well, I did cry. I waved goodbye and drove forward, slowly, sadly, wanting to run back and walk her into the building, even though I was warned ("Third graders don't need their moms to walk them in, Mom." MOM! Not Mommy!)



I got halfway down the gravel road leading away from her school. A sob caught in my throat. I heard myself say, "My baby!" I quickly turned the radio up and this Mark Harris song came on. God put it there, I know.

"It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly"

So she's flying, and through my tears, I'm cheering.