I Like Funny

I love funny. Anything that makes me laugh. It can be tame. It can be borderline risque' (or heck... it can be full on risque!) I just love anything that makes me chortle.

I especially like witty, clever, sarcastic sayings. I found a website through Go Fug Yourself that sells t-shirts with witty sayings on them, and now I'm addicted to finding other witty tee sites. Not for purchasing purposes. Just for a daily giggle.

Here are some of the funniest tees I've found on the internet (Hopefully you can see them. They're a little smallish. Click on the image to see it larger.)

After reviewing the photo, I realized there are a few you can't read. It ain't funny if you can't see it, huh?

Top row, L-R:

1. My life is an endless battle against maturity.

2. Fish & Chips (get it? Those are cops riding fish!)

3. Edumacated

4. At least I'm not a hoe (it's a shovel).

5. Finders Keepers (man on the moon)

6. I (body part) Mad Libs (for those of us that ever loved to do Mad Libs.)

2nd row:

1. Paddle faster. I hear banjos. (Referencing the famous movie, "Deliverance")

2. Donna Martin graduates (any "90210" fans in da blog?)

3. The internet is no substitute for human companionship.

4. 1/20/09 (Dubya's last day in office. With a 29% approval rating, looks like 71% of America should own one of these shirts!)

5. Blue Trash (Smurfette had to have gotten around ifyouknowwhatimsayin')

6. Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew dissecting Kermit.

3rd Row:

1. Attention Fast Food Employee: In lieu of speaking to an inferior human, I'd simply like to request a number one with the soda of your choosing. (I could wear this to my local A&W/Long John Silvers and I'm convinced they wouldn't get it.)

2. Alex P. Keaton for President '08 "Sha la la la" ("Family Ties" anyone?)

3. Bubba Fett (The Star Wars bounty hunter comes to earth & lands in Alabama)

4. That man stole an element from my lab! Cesium! (That one's for my chemistry teacher mom)

5. Cow Tipping. It's udder chaos.

6. Cows Gone Wild. "Show us your teats!"

4th Row:

1. While preparing dinnner, Edna accidentally opens a can of Whoopass.

2. "Will that be all?" "Uh, yeah. It's for my lawn." (It's a disguised flamingo buying a plastic flamingo for.... uh..... yard decorating.)

3. Crack kills.

4. Help support the courtesy flush. (Definition: Flushing the toilet at the exact moment of a smelly bowel movement hitting the water as to minimize lingering oders that may eminate off the perpatrating poo. Keeping the bowl poo free will keep the bathroom odor to a minimum.)

5. Sorry, but my "Give a Damn" is busted. (Some days are just LIKE THAT, y'all!)

6. If you were a child in the 80s, you know this one, "Believe it Or Not". Guess!

5th Row:

1. Say hello to my little friend (That's Tattoo from "Fantasy Island")

2. Loading Humorous Message... Please Wait. (For all those times you've got a great comback... 5 minutes after you needed one!)

3. & 4. Little Miss Chatterbox and Little Miss Trouble are characters from childrens' books written by Roger Hargreaves.

5. Mr. Rogers. You Are Special.

6. 2 chocolate bunnies: "My Butt Hurts." "What?"

Last Row:

1. Okay, I give up. It's NUCULAR.

2. They're piranha crackers. Get it?

3. See above.

4. The croc tells the gator "See Ya Later". Gator replies, "Afterwhile."

5. Mt. Rushmore. "We will, we will Rock You"

6. Stop Staring at my TUTS.

Seven Days Without Spa Treatments Makes One Weak

One week ago today I was in the middle of a 90-minute deep tissue massage administered by the best masseuse I've ever had. Her name is Antoinette, and she's a well-kept secret. She could knead the lumps out of a knotty pine log. She's that good.

Seriously?

Seriously.

I've had deep tissue massages before, and afterwards I could barely get up off the table because I was so sore. 'Twasn't the case with Antoinette. I practically sprung off the table; my shoulders have never felt so tension free! All hail Antoinette! (I have committed to myself and to my husband that when school starts back up, I will be signing up for a regular monthly massage. He even noticed a difference in my back muscles when he rubbed my back the next morning.)

I guess I should explain where I was last week.

For Mother's Day I received a pre-paid spa day from my wonderful husband. When I told my sister that's what I got, she wanted to tag along (spas *are* more funner with friends or sisters!) So we signed up for a day of pampering. Needless to say, when it was all over, I wanted to move in and live at the spa.

(Children? I have children? I don't remember having any children! Go home? But THIS IS MY HOME! )

The massage was great. It was my favorite thing of the day (I shoulda probably asked to have it last...) but the Creme de la Creme facial was good, too. My skin felt as smooth as the proverbial baby's rear end when it was over. It would've been a more enjoyable experience had the "aesthetist" (as she was called) kept her trap shut during the process. The calming sounds of crickets and ocean waves were continuously interrupted by chit chat about the boyfriend, Chaz. Aesthetist and Chaz have dated, like, for four, like, years (since, like, high school) and they, like, know they, like, want to name their, like, kids, like, Grey and, like, Mallory.

LIKE, WHAT.EVER. She LIKE needed LIKE a mute button.

After our morning treatments, we were served a great lunch in the most beautiful room I've ever parked my tush in. The walls were painted in large horizontal stripes of white and off-white (which wasn't annoying as stripes can be); the curtains were a creamy white that matched the couches and large armchairs, and there was a small dining table set up near the windows. They call it the bride's room, 'cause that's where they host brides and bridesmaids that come to the spa to get pampered before the ceremony. It was absolutely luscious. I'd put a white room just like it in my house if I could guarantee it would stay white, but here, where yogurt becomes finger paint, I don't see that happening.

My sister and I went our separate ways after we ate. She got a "pampered spa pedicure" ("designed to put a little relaxation into your day. Aromatherapy bath salts, an exfoliating scrub, masques treatment and a warm paraffin treatment will condition your feet. Luxurious moisturizing massage energizes feet and soothes skin. Finish with your favorite nail color. While relaxing enjoy a complimentary glass of champagne, wine or hot tea.) Sounds nice, no?

I got to go see Raul for a haircut and color. I hadn't had either since November, and I was starting to look like a skunk with the grey hairs lining my part. Raul cleaned up the cut I'd given myself a few days prior (I put my hair in a ponytail and chopped off a good bit of it). I feel like a million bucks (well, maybe just a million pesos).

I will definitely go back to Victoria Place Salon & Spa. The girls there are not judgmental (well, they *might* be, but it doesn't show in the way they talk to you). I've been to spas before where they take one look at (overweight, stay-at-home mom, middle-income, Target clothing-clad) me and decide I'm not like one of their "usual" clients, and they spend the rest of the day looking down on me. I've also been to spas where the robe they gave me barely covered my nether regions, but Victoria Place had the best robes that actually covered most of me. I felt comfy walking around in it all day long, and I didn't have to constantly clutch and grab to keep myself covered.

It was a splendid experience, and I can't wait to repeat it. I'm thinking I really need a new holiday to celebrate so I can get another spa gift.

How about...

Happiness Happens Day (August 8)?
Best Friends Day (August 15)?
National Relaxation Day (August 15)?
Wonderful Weirdos Day (September 9)?
Wife Appreciation Day (September 15)?

Oh, no... I have it... I'll celebrate International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer (August 16).

Al Gore would be so proud!

House Rules

A couple of weeks ago I sat down at the kitchen table with the kids and I let them come up with the house rules. I was tired of keeping the rules in my head, and I thought if we actually wrote them down (and I let them help) it might cut down on a lot of chaos around here. I put the rules on the fridge, and when a rule is broken, all I have to do is point in the general direction of the kitchen and remind them of the list we made. Works pretty well.

These are the rules the kids dictated to me. Some things they told me were very specific, so I didn't write down *all* of their rules. If I had, the list would be as long as the Alabama Constitution (with 777 amendments, it holds the record for the most amended state constitution. If you have about 3 days, it's a comical read).

Anyhow, here are the rules for our household:

(1) No screaming at parents or siblings
(2) No Light Saber fighting except in your bedrooms or outside
(3) No hitting people or throwing things
(4) No running inside
(5) No stomping
(6) No sneaking food - always ask permission before getting a snack
(7) No playing on the couches
(8) No snatching
(9) No pinching or biting
(10) Everyone makes their beds and gets dressed in the morning before playing or eating (in the summer I let this one slide a bit...)
(11) The den is not a playroom! No toys in the den.
(12) No arguing. If you need an argument settled, find a parent.
(13) No pulling on the curtains
(14) Respect people when they're talking
(15) Do not say "NO" to Mom or Dad when they tell you to do something
(16) No fighting over seats (this is a problem at mealtimes, 'cause everyone wants to sit in the 2 seats that face the den TV, even though we usually turn it off)
(17) No kicking each other
(18) No standing on tables
(19) No slamming doors
(20) No locking doors
(21) Be delightful at the dinner table

Summertime

The Challenge: Summertiiiiiiiiiiiime, and the living is EEEeeezzzzzzy. Tell us how you feel about summer. This summer, a childhood summer, summer traditions, random summer memories, summer sights and smells and sounds. Whatever. Wax poetic about summertime!

Summertime.

When I close my eyes and think of that word, it's like a slideshow (with smells!) in my head.

I smell freshly cut grass. And watermelon. And coconut suntan lotion. And chlorine. And hot asphalt. And sunscreen. And bug spray. And freshly cut peaches.

Ah, the perfume of summer.

There are thoughts of spending days in my dad's classroom with my sister, a bike, some rollerskates, a cassette tape of Alabama's Mountain Music and unlimited Coca Colas from dad's vending machine.

Both of my parents were teachers. After school ended for everyone else, both Dad and Mom had to work an extra two weeks (they were 10-month employees.) It kinda' sucked, because we couldn't sleep late during those two weeks, but we found ways to have fun anyhow.

My dad taught auto mechanics at a local high school, and his shop was in a separate building. It had a long sidewalk that connected it to the main building, and that sidewalk made a perfect place to ride my bike back and forth. The classroom inside the shop was cleared of all its chairs so my sister and I could rollerskate; we'd bring cassettes in from Dad's car and play them on the A/V machine. He had eclectic tastes, so we skated to Alabama, Dianne Schurr, The Beatles, Iron Butterfly, Linda Ronstadt (her jazzy phase), and many more. If we got thirsty, Dad would unlock the Coca Cola machine and let us pick a beverage from it. Then he'd throw a dollar bill in the coin cup to make the Coca Cola guy wonder how it got there (this was before dollar bill slots on vending machines.) Occasionally he would order pizza and we'd have a picnic in his classroom. Sometimes he'd even take us for a ride in his school bus (which was great, because there was a ginormous hill on the school property... it was like riding a rollercoaster!) When the blackberries in the bushes around his building were ripe, we'd pick them and take them home for Mom to make cobbler or jam. Good times.

Summertime also meant lazy days in the pool with a book or a magazine. I'd get out of bed, throw on a swimsuit and a pair of sunglasses, grab a radio and a quick cinnamon roll for breakfast and head out back. I'd swim for about an hour, then I'd find a comfy spot near the steps or on a float and I'd read the day away. There was always a break at noon when I'd stop to eat a quick lunch and listen to "Jeopardy" on the radio (our local ABC affiliate could be heard on FM 87.7). Then it would be back to reading until I was engulfed in shade; I'd take another lap or two in the pool and then head back inside. Man, those were good days. There's nothing like warm skin after a long day in the sun. I'm sure I'll pay for it later, though. I hardly ever used a drop of sunscreen. Ah, the stupidity of youth.

When I entered high school, summer started to mean serving on mission trips with my youth group. We took a trip every year. I spent one week of each summer helping put on backyard Bible clubs for neighborhood kids in Youngstown, OH (9th grade), Boardman, OH (10th & 11th grades) and Buffalo, NY (12th grade). Our youth pastor always made sure to include a fun trip either going up or coming back (King's Island in Cincinnati, Niagara Falls or Pigeon Forge, TN), and the drives there were parties themselves. There was some great (juvenile, stupid) fun had on the buses or vans on those long trips. Great fun, indeed. Have you really lived if you've never covered a sleeping person's face in shaving cream or had a CB talk with a nearby trucker?

Now summer means so many different things. We always start the summer with our annual trip to Myrtle Beach. Those trips are more fun each year, as the kids get older and more responsible (and less dependent on me!) and I always look forward to them. I love the beach and wish I lived closer to one. Reading a book on the beach while the kids play in the sand and surf is something I could do every.day.of.my.life. You can't be in a hurry at the beach. Time stands still there. I think I have salt water in my blood.

Summer means fewer responsibilities. It means less running around, less driving. I don't make the kids change out of their PJs if they don't want to (unless we're going somewhere, of course!) I try to make a good breakfast (pancakes, French toast, waffles, eggs, etc.) most mornings. We see movies. We go to the library. We take day trips on Daddy's days off. We swim (daily, now that we have our own pool! Yea!) We read and watch TV (Food TV, HGTV, Discovery Channel, History Channel, etc.) We visit the Farmer's Market and buy fresh veggies and cook 'em up for dinner. We grill out. We do stuff together. We have fun. We enjoy life.

Summertime. I wish it could last longer than 3 months.

Dinner Conversations with a 2 Year-Old

Me: Lillian, do you loooooooove that chocolate cake?

L: Yesh (she puts the cutest little "sh" sound on the end of her yeses!)

Me: You know, my grandmother Dos loves chocolate, too. That must be where you get your love of chocolate.

L: Dora's umbrella (abuela) loves chocolate, too!

Me: That's right! She does! Lillian, you sure are smart!

L: I not smaht.

Me: Yes, you are.

L: Yesh.

Me: You're pretty, too.

L: Yesh.

Me: And super cute.

L: Yesh.

Me: And humble, obviously.

L: I NOT HUMPBLE!

(See, I told her she was smart!)

Formula For Success

What does it take to get 4 kids (ages 9, 6, 4 and 2) to sit still and quiet for about 2 hours?

Here's my formula:

• 3 boxes Mike & Ike candies (2 grape, 1 tropical)
• 1 box Junior Mints
• 1 box Rainbow Nerds
• 1-16 oz. Dr. Pepper
• 1-16 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper
• 1-16 oz. Dasani water
• 1-16 oz. Coke
• 1-16 oz. Mello Yello
• 1 empty bottle for the 4 year-old to pee in so you don't have to leave the theater during the flick (It went unused! Wahoo!)
• 1 large purse for hiding all the cheap snacks from Dollar Tree (Thanks, Elaine!)
• 5 tickets to the 11:30 am showing of "Ratatouille"
• 1 large tub of popcorn
• 5 seats on the very back row of the theater

Mix altogether and enjoy.

Timeline

Several months ago I bought a book from Amazon.com (Ha! Amazon tells me I bought that book on February 9th). When it arrived (along with the many other things I had purchased during that online shopping spree) I took it to my scrap room and put it aside to read.... one day.

Today is that one day! Sure, better things await accomplishment, but instead I've read 51 pages of Maggie Mason's No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog (way to shorten the title, Maggie.) I bought it because it's true: not one of you can say you care what I eat for lunch, so I shouldn't blog about it (which, admittedly, I did, about a month ago. Sorry. But did you like the Goop?)

Page 51/idea 42 is called "Make your Timeline". Sounded fun. I'll give it a shot.

Age 3: My sister was born, March 4, 1976. I remember throwing an afghan knitted in shades of brown, yellow and orange over an end table in the den and hiding underneath it every time she cried. My parents would both rush to her like she was a raging fire to be doused and I'd try to make it impossible to find me. I could've tried harder, because after two or three times of hiding in the same spot, I wasn't too hard to find. I was convinced my parents loved my sister more.

Age 6: First grade. I took my brand new hardcover Berenstain Bears book to school with me, and Edward Ragland wrote his name in red crayon all over the inside cover. I still have the book; Edward disappeared from school around the 9th grade.

Age 8: Fell off my bike head-first after my foot got tangled with the pedal while I was going downhill too fast. Lori Clinton was driving by at the time; she went and got my mom, who found me on the pavement with a mouth full of gravel and rushed me to the emergency room. I got several stitches in my upper lip on the right side. I was out of school for 2 weeks; Kelly Trucks brought my schoolwork home every day and saw my arm wrapped in gauze. She went back to school and told everyone I had a broken arm (it was just a bad scrape). My dad begged me to let him take pictures of my lip. Looking back I wish I'd let him do it for posterity's sake. (It took me about 6 months to get back on the bike.)

Age 10: December 7, 1983. I got my period for the first time. I remember it because it was a significant historical date as well.

Age 12: I wore a white outfit the day the 6th grade classes toured the middle school. My maxi-pad leaked all over the back of the outfit, and I had left my spares back at the elementary school. Thank goodness for jackets that can be tied around the waist. I was mortified to say the least.

Age 13: I met my favorite teacher ever, Mary Jo Burch. She taught the gifted program at my middle school. I loved her so much, because she taught me self respect. She taught me to hold my head high and not worry about my weight or teenage awkwardness. I learned to never let teasing bother me because of her. I was better than that, and Mrs. Burch helped me see that without knowing that was what she was teaching me. She just praised me without being fake about it, and I knew that she spoke the truth. Her opinions broke through all the nastiness that kids hear from "peers" and helped me get through those weird teen angst years.

Age 14: I was chosen to be on the high school yearbook staff. I was the only freshman chosen that year. I was proud.

Age 15: I had a dark winter. That's how I remember it all these years later. When I think about the winter before I turned 16, I remember grey, cold days and lots of black clothing. I missed 2 weeks of school. It started with a yucky cold, then spiraled into a depression that I didn't recognize as such until I was much, much older. I don't know how I climbed out of that hole, but I did. I almost failed geometry that semester. Prior to that I was an A-B student.

Age 16: I drove my 1984 white Ford Thunderbird by myself the first time on the Saturday following my birthday. The yearbook staff sponsored the high school pageant ("Miss Rendezvous") and I had to be there to help decorate. I remember my mom being strangely scared and nervous. Now that I'm a parent, I *get* that. I didn't 18 years ago. I was just ready to go.

Age 18: Remind me one day to tell you the pimiento cheese story (I might have already.) I started college at the University of Alabama, and through the wonders of pimiento cheese and maternal gut feelings, I ended up at Samford University, my eventual alma mater.

Age 19: March 20, 1992 was my first date with the person that would turn out to be my first serious boyfriend. We'd been really good friends since the previous summer, but the friendship evolved and we started dating. Good times. Bad times. Learning times.

Age 20: September 27, 1993. The first serious boyfriend called to break up with me while I was on the other line with my mom, who was telling me that Mrs. Mary Jo Burch finally lost her battle with cancer. At the time I didn't know which occurrence broke my heart more. Sitting here today, I can say I'd rather be able to talk to Mrs. Burch than the old boyfriend. Sometimes, in my head, I imagine conversations I might have with her. Unfortunately, I always do all the talking.

Age 21: July 7, 1994: I met someone online. August 19, 1994: The someone became my boyfriend after I met him for the first time in person. December 30, 1994: My boyfriend became my fiance'.

Age 22: I became a wife. January 20, 1996.

Age 23: I became a homeowner.

Age 25: I became a mom.

Age 27: I became the mother of 2 kids and suffered my first taste of post-partum depression. I hid it well. I also met another mom of 2 who would become a very good friend in the next few years.

Age 29: I became a mom for the 3rd time. That's about all I remember from that time period. Oh, I did start scrapbooking somewhere in there. It would become a lifeline for me.

Age 31: I had my 4th and final child and PPD slammed into me full force. It took me about 18 months to finally get help. SO GLAD I did. What took me so long? What wasted days those were.
Age 34: Living life and still learning. Loving my husband and my kids more each day. Pruning the dead branches of my tree to encourage more growth. Life is good. God is greater.

Evolution

I was in my reading room this morning (aka "the water closet") and I had a revelation. Somewhere along the way, my husband stopped putting the toilet paper on the roll the "right" way, and so have I.

It's so funny, really. When we got married, we were both adamant that the paper go over the top, not under. We were both very meticulous about putting the paper on the roll in the agreed about manner. We thought it was one of those things that made us so alike, so connected, so in sync.

Now it doesn't matter. So many things are so much more important that the Toilet Paper Accords of 1996 are but a distant memory.

I used to be utterly anal about ironing things. Not one of my family members ever left the house in a wrinkled garment. I thought it reflected badly on me as the caretaker and fabric wrinkle eradicator of this family. I actually thought people would think badly of me if my husband and children appeared in public wearing clothes with (gasp!) wrinkles. Now I'm just lucky if their clothes match, or their hair is brushed, or they're wearing matching shoes.

Life is busy, and I've learned to concentrate on the truly important things.

So today, if you see me at church picking the kids up from VBS with Lillian wearing her ultra-wrinkled sundress, don't judge. I spent those 10 minutes with Lillian instead of ironing her dress.
And that's okay.

Moonlight Sonata

One of my nightly duties is putting my son Quinn to bed. We've developed a little routine, and if we deviate from it in any way, Quinn gets agitated. He likes his routine.

Every night Quinn unmakes his bed and climbs in between the sheets. I cover him up, and then I say, "Tell me 2 things." One of the two things he always tells me is , "I like hugging you," (which has been shortened to just "hugging you") and the other, on most nights, is either "Kissing you" or "How many days until Daddy doesn't have to go to work?" (Daddy takes off work on Tuesdays, and he doesn't work on Sundays.) After he tells me his 2 things, he tells me his favorite part of the day and then says his prayers. If it's not too late, we read a short book. (His favorite, right now at least, is Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. Some days I wish it rained food like in the town of Chewandswallow. A girl can dream, right?)

Last night we did our routine, and when we finished, Quinn wanted his back scratched. No problem.

Earlier in the day I'd had to switch the stations on his radio from the local Christian station to NPR (National Public Radio) because of bad reception. So, there I was, on the bed, listening to soothing classical music, scratching my son's back and feeling my eyelids get heavier with each stroke. If he had a larger bed, I would've just stayed there.

When my sister and I were young, my dad was in the National Guard. In the summer he had to go away to "camp" for 2 weeks. We missed Dad, but we loved getting to sleep in the big bed with our mom. My sister, mom and I would all pile into Mom and Dad's king-sized bed and talk and laugh until our sides hurt. Those times are some of my favorite childhood memories.

Back then, Mom listened to NPR at night (still does), because she needed that little bit of noise to help her fall asleep. Last night, listening to NPR in Quinn's bed, I felt like a kid again, safely tucked under the covers in my mom's bed. I wanted to lay really still and not breathe and just be in that moment forever. I had it so good as a kid. I just didn't know it, because I was always in a hurry to grow up.

What I'd give to know then what I know now. I would've savored each moment of childhood like slow licks on a lollipop. Being a grown-up has its moments, but it ain't all fun and games.

It's In the Genes

Organization must be in the genes somewhere, 'cause my 9 year-old daughter has the gift. It has been passed on to the next generation!

For most of the kids' lives I have struggled with getting them to clean up after themselves. Only my oldest was diligent about tidying up after playing. She's a natural organizer, and being the oldest, quite eager to please her clean freak of a mother.

I was quite frazzled with the children yesterday. The kids and I spent 2 days last week cleaning the playroom after Hurricane Lillian (my 2 year-old) went through there; everything (shelves, chairs, toys) was turned over and dumped into the floor. It was a huge mess, and therefore a huge task to take on, but we got it done.

The only problem with cleaning the playroom and reorganizing it is that it's just going to end up messy again. That's why we put it upstairs above the garage (so I wouldn't have to see it unless I purposefully went up there!) So anyway, the boys and Lillian messed everything up again, despite Camryn's efforts to control the clutter and get everything put back when they were done playing. She was frustrated, and so was I. We just couldn't get the boys and Lillian to commit to cleaning after they played.

After threatening to take away the toys in the playroom if they weren't cleaned up appropriately, I was at the end of my rope. Good thing Camryn knows how to tie knots. She came up with a brilliant solution, all by her 9 year-old self.

Her answer?

Centers.

Just like the boys and Lillian have at school.

She's a frickin' genius!

Now in our playroom we have a car center, a kitchen (home living) center, a baby center, a train center, etc. Somehow this has made it easier for the kids to clean things up and put things back when they're done. Now they know where things go, and they happily play together. There is no screaming at clean-up time.

And the playroom is clean.

My daughter deserves a medal.

iPod, uPod, we all Pod!

Browsing my iTunes stuff today, tweaking, removing extra songs, etc. making sure everything transferred from the dead computer to the iPod... I had several laughs while doing this, so guess what? I'm blogging about it.

On my iPod there are 3 songs titled "Gloria". The girl gets around.

I own 7 versions of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".

There are 9 songs that begin with the phrase "I Will"

12 songs start with "If..."

Seventeen songs begin with "In"

...and yes, I have a copy of "Macarena" on my iPod, just in case I come across a wedding with no DeeJay (hmmmm... maybe I should find "The Chicken Dance", too?)

Oddly enough, Harry Connick Jr. has a version of "Oompa Loompa" (yes, the one from "Willy Wonka". Is there another song with that title?)

There are songs on my iPod encouraging me to "Take Five", "Take It on the Run", "Take It Easy", "Take It to the Limit", "Take Me Down", "Take Me Home", "Take Me or Leave Me", "Take Me to Your Leader" and "Take My Breath Away". Lots of taking going on there, not unlike a D-List celebrity invited to a Swag Suite.

There are odes to "My Life", "My Humps", "My Joy", "My Mammy", "My Prerogative" (Bobby B!) and, yes, even "My Bologna".

Let's not forget about Mr. Popeil, Mr. Roboto, Mr. Wendal and Mrs. Morgan. They each have their own songs.

Huey Lewis wants a new drug and Weird Al wants a new Duck. Al also sings about his pancreas. There should be more body part songs. How about a melody about the phalanges? Wouldn't that be a chart topper!!

At least they're all still there. Mission accomplished. Life will go on!

He's a keeper!

A few days ago I discovered that my iPod, which previously contained over 2000 songs, was down to a mere 235 tunes.

Ruh-roh.

About this same time, the computer on which I had my iTunes program (noticed I used the past tense of "have") bit the proverbial dust.

Ruh-roh.

Today my wonderful hubby got the computer to turn its monitor and cough. It's now synching with my iPod to bring back all 2000+ songs.

That hubby o' mine. He's a keeper.

(Can you say "major back-up" my friends?)

Oh, My Harry

Mmmm. Mmmmm. Mmmmmm.

Harry Connick, Jr.

My surprise evening was dinner at Larkin's on the River (I had the Sea Bass, which was superb, and we got to see a wedding in the courtyard while we were there...) After dinner we strolled over to the Peace Center and took our seats (dead center in the first balcony...great seats!) The curtain went up right at 8 pm and it was nuttin' but fun from that moment on.

Harry gives a superb concert. I only wish I could get up and dance while he's playing. I had popped a piece of Orbit Bubble Mint gum in my mouth right before the curtain rose, and by the end of the concert my jaws hurt. I think I was absentmindedly chewing along with the beat!

Here's a review from the Salt Lake City show (I couldn't find one online for last night yet). It's very similar to what we experienced last night; Harry ended our show with "It Had to Be You" from When Harry Met Sally instead of "Iko Iko". Harry just rocked the house, man. Rocked the house. He's one of those celebrities that you feel like you could be friends with in real life. What I would pay to just hang out with him for the day...

Mmmmm. Mmmmm. Mmmmmm.

Lost... and Found

The body of the little boy I blogged about a few days ago was found today.

Here's the story.

The father's words ripped me to pieces.

From http://www.independentmail.com/:

"I'm not a wealthy man. You know, some people have cars, some people have boats and lake houses and beach houses, they go on trips. I have my children, and my children are my love and they are priceless. You can’t buy what Joshua gave us for three years. We didn’t know he touched so many lives. … People see his picture and if you look in his eyes, you know only, only God could create something so beautiful. He was an angel when he was with us, and he is in Heaven now."

"We had sailed all morning,” he said. “The wind died down, so I paddled us in and we ate lunch on the shore. He ate lunch with his mommy. He played around in the water with his swimmies for a while. Then, his Mommy said ‘I think he needs a nap.’ I said ‘Let’s go sailing.’ ”

Covered in sunscreen and towels, and surrounded by cushions, the father and son went sailing, found a quiet, windless spot and Joshua went to sleep. Mr. Dorchak says a gust of wind hit the boat unexpectedly. The boat was capsized sending father
and son into the water. Mr. Dorchak says he righted the boat and the two climbed back in.

Not long after, another gust of wind hit the boat, he says.

Again, he grabbed for Joshua and put Joshua on his back. But this time Joshua, he says, was being dragged underwater.

Officials believe Joshua became entangled in the boat’s rigging which pulled him under with the boat. “I tried to hold on. I held on until I was maybe, I don’t know, it could have been five, it could have been 50-feet under water,” he says. “I wanted to go with him so badly, but I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. I saw his face drift away from me under the water. I had to come up for air.”

The grieving father says he struggles with not being able to switch places with his son.

“I blame myself, to a degree. I shouldn’t but I do. I wanted to die when he went under. But, I have four other children and another on the way, and a wife who depends on me to pay the bills and to get this family back on its feet,” he said. “I have to be the Dad, and the Dad is supposed to make things right. That’s what disturbs me the most is that I couldn’t make it better.”

Say a prayer for the Dorchak family, will you?

We made it!

We made it to the scrapbook store and back without incident. The children were very, very well behaved in the store. I'm now $120 poorer, but it was fun. It was a "caventure" as we say around here. I even splurged on shakes and sundaes at McDonald's.

It was a good day.

Hump Day

It's 11:24 am est and I'm still in my pajamas. Dishes are washed, laundry started, just not dressed yet. How did that happen?

I've decided to mount an expedition to a "local" scrapbook store that's supposed to be the best in the area. It's about 45 minutes away. I've got my Google map and I'm going to program the address into the car's GPS, so hopefully we'll make it without getting lost. The store has a play area for kids (I called to check!), so I should be able to shop without too much trouble, right?

Wish me luck.

They may ask me to never come back.

4 year-old humor

I just put my 4 year-old to bed. Here is his best knock knock joke:

"Knock Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Lampy!"

"Lampy who?"

"Banana, banana, banana!"

What a comedian.

Husband Vent

I love my husband, I really do, but sometimes I don't think he really thinks things through.

This morning I asked him if he could cut out of work a little early on Saturday to take Aiden to a birthday party at one of those frenetic indoor party places (Monkey Joe's) so I don't have to take (and watch) all 4 of the kids. He said yes, then kissed me goodbye and started to walk out the door.

He returned a minute later with a concered look on his face. "What time is the party?"

"Three to five on Saturday," I said.

"This Saturday? The 23rd?" he responded.

"Yup," I nodded.

Evidently there is something in the works for Saturday the 23rd (could it be the Harry Connick, Jr. concert? OOooh! I hope so!)

Hubby said, "I can take him, but we'll have to leave early so I we can be home at 5."

"What's going on at 5?" I said, trying to conceal my glee.

"Um, Mama's coming to keep the kids, and..."

I lost him after that. "Mama's coming to keep the kids" is all I heard.

No. Uh-uh. Won't be happening. NO FREAKIN' WAY.

See, last week, my girls spent the night with my mother-in-law. My 15 year-old niece was in town visiting her as well, and the girls wanted to have a sleepover at Nana's new house (5 minutes from ours), so we consented.

My husband took the girls over there last Monday afternoon and forgot to leave a car seat for our youngest, Lillian, who is 2 1/2. Our oldest, 9, meets the requirements to be out of a car seat, so that was not an issue for her. Realizing his mistake on his way home, my husband called his mom. "I forgot to leave you Lillian's seat. Do I need to come back and give it to you?" She answered no, that she wasn't planning to take the girls anywhere.

(Can you predict what happens next?)

The next day the girls came home and the VERY FIRST THING out of my 9 year-old's mouth was, "Nana took us to Moe's for lunch and Lillian was NOT in her car seat!" She was busting to tell me, but not in a tattling way. She was genuinely horrified at what my mother-in-law had done. Needless to say, so was I. Completely speechless. First of all, car seats for kids under 8 years and 80 pounds are THE LAW in this state. Secondly, well.... there are LOTS of secondlies.

I just don't know what she was thinking. Her excuse when my 9 year-old protested? "I don't have anything in this house to feed you." Um, okay. Call for pizza. Leave the 15 year-old with the girls while you go to Moe's alone to pick up the food. OR CALL ME and either get the seat from me or let me come pick up my children before you PUT A FREAKIN' TWO YEAR-OLD IN A CAR WITHOUT A CAR SEAT. My daughter reported that the fridge was full and she tried to tell Nana that she'd eat cereal rather than go somewhere, but Nana was adamant about taking everyone to Moe's. She put my daughter at risk for Mexican food. Can I just scream?

Mad? Yep. Still am. To me, this is unforgiveable. It's not the first time she has put my kids in danger somehow, but by God, it will be the last. I told my husband that I no longer trust his mom alone with our kids. HE AGREED COMPLETELY. So why? Why call her to BABYSIT? What was he thinking? I know he wanted to surprise me, and that touches me, but he knows the babysitter's number, too. I guess because his mom is free, he preferred calling her. But my children are PRICELESS, and if I have to pay someone over having MIL keep them for free, I'll choose to pay every time.

I just got off the phone with our regular babysitter. She is coming Saturday at 5 pm so we can still do whatever it is that is planned. I don't know what my husband will tell his mom, and frankly, I don't care. I want him to tell her that we don't trust her alone with the kids, but I know he'll make up some other excuse. She'll turn it into "Beth doesn't want me keeping the kids" when she talks to her sister and my sister-in-law (her daughter), which is fine, because I know my kids are safer with the babysitter than they are with my mother-in-law. If that's the price I pay, so be it.

Blog Challenge: Stream of Consciousness

Just write. Stream of conciousness. Doesn't matter if it even makes sense. Who cares if it flows. Just start. Just type whatever pops into your brain. Go. Who knows? It might turn out to be your best entry ever!

I told my son I needed to use this computer "for one thing" about 45 minutes ago (he was playing a game). I hate that when I sit down at the computer I can't do "just one thing". It always turns into more than that, but it's because I always think about something else I need to do before I get up. Yesterday I sat down on the couch and pulled the laptop into my lap around 2:30 pm. When I got up to go to the bathroom at 8 pm, I thought to myself, "I don't think I've been up off that couch since I sat down!" and truly, I don't think I got up in 5.5 hours. Granted, it was a lazy Sunday, and I had gotten up earlier than normal to cook Father's Day breakfast for my husband, so I caught a quick catnap in those 5.5 hours, but still. That's a long time to be on the couch.

Quinn is screaming. He's always screaming about something, or making someone else scream. I wish my kids could just be nice to each other. I get glowing reports from all of their teachers about how sweet they are with their friends, so why do they come home and torture their siblings?!? And why oh why does my older daughter feel like she has to be in charge? Just now she took control of a situation I should've handled, and that's why Quinn is screaming. If she had said, "Mommy! I need you!" I could've come over and settled the problem, but she (I guess trying to help?) played the mom and handled it (albeit the wrong way). I guess that comes from being the oldest. She's quite bossy, and that's her trait I dislike the most.

I feel guilty about Father's Day. My husband always goes above and beyond the call of duty when it's Mother's Day. He shows me a wonderful day, because he knows my love language is gifts. I love giving gifts, and I love getting them, and he gets that. His love language is acts of service, so I try to have the garbage emptied, dishes and laundry done and bed made when he gets home from work, because that's how I can show my love to him the most. That makes gift-giving occasions hard, though, because he's not big on gifts. I cannot match monetarily what he gives me, because I don't have the resources he has, and I feel funny dipping into our joint account for his gifts, even though he wouldn't care. I just feel like it should come out of my earnings for some reason, so I can't ever match what he does for me. As a result, I feel like my Father's Day offerings were lame. I made him a hardback photo book at YorkPhoto.com using a bunch of pictures of him with the kids throughout the years. I paired it with lots of great quotes about being a father and what that means. It was the kind of gift I'd love to get, because I love any kind of gift that expresses feelings (my 2nd love language is Words of Encouragement). I loved the book, and he said he did, too, so I guess it was okay. It's hard to buy for him, because if he wants something, he just buys it for himself. Plus, I don't know a lot about buying computer peripherals or tools, so I skip those gifts, which are his favorites. Anyway... he got the photo book and some new polo shirts (which he always needs) and some Spam singles ('cause he loves Spam and these are great because they're individual servings of Spam that can go anywhere!) That was it. Today is his birthday, and we're heading to his favorite lunch place to buy a gift card so he can have lunch on us, plus we're picking up an ice cream birthday cake in his favorite flavor (Bruster's Foreign Affair), because he adores ice cream cake. We're also having lunch with him at a restaurant hear his work. That'll have to do, because I'm out of ideas. I hope it's good enough, but I always feel like I fall short when it comes to giving him gifts.

I guess I need to go get dressed and officially start my day. I did make pancakes for the kids this morning and used up the last of the Bisquick, so I need to get some more of that. I actually like when I use the last of something. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. Currently I'm trying to clean out my freezer and pantry and concentrate on eating at home more. Every time I use up something or throw away a box, I get giddy. There are so many Dream Dinners and bags of chicken in my freezer, and they need to be cooked and eaten. My pantry is about half as full as it was when we moved in over a year ago, and I'm making a conscious effort to only buy necessities instead of going crazy during a good sale. Good sales and triple coupons are the reasons I have 3 boxes of taco shells in my pantry right now. I gave away a box full of canned goods when the postal service had their canned food drive a couple of months ago. That helped a lot. I love a good sale, even at the grocery store, but I'm awful about following up and actually using all the food. To help, I've started making meal plans so I know each night what I'm going to make. That has helped tremendously. I can't wait until the freezer and pantry are near empty! Then I'll make an inventory and try to be more organized. I know. You think I'm mental. (And I'm blogging about my pantry, so I'm sure you're drooling on your keyboard. WAKE UP!)

'K. Now I really need to go get dressed and give Aiden this computer back so he can finish his "duties" at Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends on CartoonNetwork.com.

Sweet & Sour

Since June 8, divers have been on a recovery mission for the body of a local 3 year-old boy that drowned in Lake Jocassee. He was on the lake with his dad when their sailboat capsized. The boy, wearing a life vest which was believed to have become entangled with the boat somehow, presumably drowned. The lake in which they're looking is up to 300 feet deep in some parts and covered with sunken trees (it's manmade), so the search is difficult.

Every night since June 8 I have sat and watched the local news, hoping to hear that the little boy's body has been found. Every night I shake my head in disbelief as it's reported that the search continues. I could not, WOULD not sleep if I knew my baby's body was in the lake. I hope the search doesn't end. I want them to find that boy's body, because I know his daddy sees the last look on his son's face in his nightmares. I'm sure he replays his actions again and again... "If only I had done something differently..." I know that's what I would do. It would haunt me.

I so want closure for that family. I pray for it each and every day.

Meanwhile, I read this article just a few minutes ago.

While my heart is heavy for the local boy's family, I know the family of the little Michigan girl is rejoicing that she was found alive. Hallelujah! What a miracle!

Hair today...

I found a 1" long hair on the back of my right knee yesterday. I've been wearing shorts pretty consistently since late April, plus I walked around the beach for 4 days with that monstrous hair hanging off the back of my knee. Yick. (Yeah, right. I'm sure no one noticed, but STILL. Yick!)

In other news, I started the potty training process with 2 1/2 year-old Lillian this week. She's been wearing (and mostly keeping dry!) her new Dora panties. Her siblings have been like her little cheerleading squad, so she's getting lots of positive feedback for her efforts.

However, she's been in a sugar coma just about every day due to the "potty candy" prize she gets for..... erm..... "producing". I've been using "old" Halloween candy as her prizes, so the candies have been medium-sized. I need to switch to Skittles or M&Ms or jelly beans before she contracts Juvenile Diabetes. The kid loves the sweets!

Once Lillian is in underwear for good, I won't have any more diapers to change! That will be a momentous occasion, because I've been changing diapers consistently since 1998 except for one week when I left the two youngest kids with my parents and took the two oldest to Disney World (and various weekends away with my honey, of course!) That's almost a decade of changing poop and pee. Wow.

June 15, 2007

My summer life is kind of lame.

Today, I slept late (well, until 8 am, which *is* as late as I can get around here!)

I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast (at Aiden's request).

I did a couple of loads of laundry (sheets).

I copied down recipes from a couple of great cookbooks I got from the library yesterday (Maya Angelou's Hallelujah! The Welcome Table: A Lifetime of Memories with Recipes and the Fix-It and Forget-It Cookbook: Feasting with Your Slow Cooker ).

I made tilapia and rice for lunch (which beats yesterday's Lunchable feast by 10 freakin' light years!)

I took a short nap. Under my favorite heavy Coca Cola blanket. On my couch.

I played Webkinz (did I mention that I bought my own frog, whom I named Doc Hopper, and opened my own account?!?)

Now I'm sittin' here on the couch watching Bob Barker's last time hosting "The Price is Right". When that's over, I'll be sitting here watching "THE 34th ANNUAL DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS". Woo. Hoo.

See? I told you. Totally lame!

Totally comfortable.

Totally what I love.

Heading for the Light

I did it! I downloaded Tom, Roy, George and the gang from iTunes and they're playing on my 'puter as I type.



Ah.

Just as good as I remembered!

I've wandered around with nothing more than time on my hands
I was lost in the night with no sight of you
And at times it was so blue and lonely
Heading for the light

Man, I love the Traveling Wilburys. They just ROCK.

Today is a GREAT day.

Ooooh! Ooooh! Ooooooh!

Guess what?

(Tapping my foot in exasperation while you guess stupid stuff like, "You're pregnant!" or "You found $5 in your jacket!" or "You won the complete DVD collection of 90210!")

You're wrong! You're ALL WRONG! You'll never guess what has me so excited! NEVAH!

I got an e-mail.

It wasn't just any old e-mail.

This particular e-mail was from my friends at iTunes. My friends that, each and every Tuesday, love to inform me of new downloads. Aren't they the BEST?

GUESS WHAT IS NEW ON iTUNES TODAY?

GUESS! GO AHEAD! YOU CAN'T! (Well, I *guess* if you get the Tuesday e-mail from iTunes, you might already know... but you keep yer trap shut, 'k?)

OH, I can't even believe it. I can't! I'm slobbering all over the laptop!

iTunes now has the Traveling Wilburys available for download! Every song they ever made! Woo hoo!

If I had an extra $20 laying around, it would be MINE.RIGHT.NOW.

Alas, I must wait until I can make a deposit into my bank account before I can load Roy and the boys onto my iPod. But that day will soon come. Soon, they will be mine.

EAT THAT all you scumsucking eBay pigs charging a king's ransom for old Wilburys CDs! Ha!

Comfort Food

I just made my favorite comfort food for lunch. I made it for myself, because my kids don't care for it.

It's called Tomato Soup Goop, and my mom made it for me when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure she got it off of the Campbell's Tomato Soup can, but she's a good enough cook that she could've invented it herself.

Here's the recipe (well, as close as I can come to a recipe, since it's just something I learned to cook from watching my mom):

1/4 to 1/2 c. chopped onions
2 T. butter
(1) 10.75 oz. can Campbell's Tomato soup, undiluted
1 T. Worcestershire sauce (more or less to taste)
1 T. sugar (I add 3 packets of Splenda)
Dash black pepper
(1) 8 oz. package seashell noodles, prepared according to package directions & drained

Saute' the onions in the butter until the onions are translucent. Add the tomato soup, Worcestershire, pepper and sugar to the onions and butter and stir well. Turn heat down to low and let it thicken. Pour over hot noodles.

I think the Goop is good right out of the pan, but it gets better the longer it sits so the sauce permeates the noodles.

My husband thinks this is too sweet, but it's just one of those dishes that makes me feel good inside. I always eat it with a slice or two of white bread to sop up the extra sauce. Yum-oh.

If you make it, let me know what you think. It's okay to tell me you hate it. I'll still eat it!

Goodwill Hunting

I love Sundays.

My husband is home on Sundays, so I am free to spend my time anyway I wish while he watches the children. Usually, I take one of the kids on a Mommy date. It's never anything planned and almost always involves shopping and private talks. I've learned the most about my kids on those Sunday dates.

Yesterday I spirited my oldest daughter away from home. My goal for the day was a visit to AC Moore; Camryn's goal was to blow the $16 she had burning a hole in her pocket. She wanted to find some water toys, so when we were done at AC Moore we moseyed on down the road towards Big Lots.

Between AC Moore and Big Lots sits a nice Goodwill store that I have never, ever visited. The only time I've ever been inside a Goodwill store, it was disorganized and hard to navigate. That was when I only had one child, and I didn't want to repeat the experience with 4 kids. Yesterday was a perfect opportunity to hit that store since I just had the one child with me.

The store ended up being a treasure trove. Camryn kept repeating, "This stuff is SO CHEAP!" (rather loudly, much to my dismay). We walked out of there with 3 bags stuffed full of clothes for $52.50. My favorite find was an April Cornell dress for Lillian. Camryn's favorite was a brand new American Girl game for $3.

She can't wait to go back and dig for more treasures. Me, either! That was FUN!

Beth-ology

BETH-OLOGY

ARCHAEOLOGY: the study of material remains

What's the oldest article of clothing you still wear?

An AOL t-shirt from 1994. It says, "The more windows you open, the cooler it gets!" I met my husband on AOL in '94, so it has sentimental value. It's covered in paint splotches and probably has a hole or two, but I still wear it on occasion.

What's the oldest article of clothing you won't get rid of?

I have a pile of old t-shirts from high school and college that have sentimental value to me. I'm holding onto them because I want to get someone to make me a quilt from them. I also still have the negligee I wore on my wedding night, even though I don't wear them anymore. They're hanging in my closet. Every now and then my 4 year-old sees it hanging there and asks me if that's what I wore when Daddy and I got married (He thinks it's my wedding dress.)

When was the house/building you live in built?

It was started in October 2005 and completed in April 2006.

What in your fridge needs to be thrown out?

A couple of bottled drinks the kids started drinking and never finished and some Olive Garden leftovers. I try to cook so that there are no leftovers, because we're not big leftover eaters.

BIBLIOLOGY: the study of publication

What are you reading?

Abundance: a Novel of Marie Antoinette by Sena Jeter Naslund. My sister got an advance copy at an ALA meeting about a year and a half ago, and I've been reading it on and off since then. It's been published since I got my copy, and has gotten great reviews, so I'm determined to finish it (because my sister wants her book back!)

Do you have a favorite quote?

"He who laughs, lasts!" Mary Pettibone Poole

What's the most recent music you purchased?

Chanson du Vieux Carré by Harry Connick, Jr. He's comin' to town on June 23rd, and I'm dropping some MAJOR hints about wanting to go. I hope those hints are being received. I've seen Harry in concert twice. He does not disappoint!

What book could you read again without being bored?

Any of the Uncle John's Bathroom Readers. I keep them in the "library" because they're great literature. (Just noticed they're having a Father's Day sale. Go buy couple. You will love 'em!)

CARDIOLOGY: the study of the heart

How old were you the first time you fell in love?

Hmmmm... puppy love was 2nd grade. Real love was August 1994, when I met my hubby. Before that I think my relationships were based purely on physical attraction.

What charities do you have a heart for?

Operation Christmas Child (Samaritan's Purse), our church, Bethany Christian Services and anything else we come across that seems like a worthwhile cause.

What's the best way someone can show their love for you?

I love gifts, but I think I love getting mail the most. A handwritten note with encouraging words keeps me going for a LONG time. I have several hanging on the wall in my scrap room, because just looking at them and remembering the people that sent them makes me happy.

Name five things you "love":

silence, laughter, summer rainstorms, warm embraces, kind words

PHYSIOLOGY: the study of physical function

Are you right-handed or left-handed?

Right, but I wish I was a lefty. I think watching lefties write is so cool. My Aiden is a lefty, and so is my mom. Lillian colors more often with her left hand than her right.

Do you like your smile?

I do, but I've thought about getting my teeth whitened. I don't think I'd ever want them to look too perfect shape-wise, but I could stand for them to be cleaner-looking. I have two calcium deposits on one of my front teeth that are really white, so they make the rest of the teeth look yellowish in comparison.

What's your best feature?

I like my wrists and forearms, but I think my husband would say he likes my eyes the best. I like my eyebrows, too, when they're plucked and groomed.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

My children, an ovary and a fallopian tube.

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?

Smell, followed closely by hearing. I can always tell when a TV has been left on in another room, even if it's muted. I can hear a high-pitched noise of some sort; it's really more an awareness than a noise, though. My kids think it's freaky.

OMNOLOGY: the study of everything

What color do you think looks best on you?

Bright pink

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?

I don't think so. Once I licked what I thought was sour cream off of my finger. It was actually Cortisone cream. I wiped it off of my tongue before I could swallow it.

What's your favorite flavor of gum?

I love Dentyne original (I could chew one piece all day long in high school), but lately I have been enjoying Orbit Bubblemint.

Where's the first place you went today?

The bathroom. At some point today I would like to get dressed and go to AC Moore, though.

Do you stand or sit in the shower?

Stand, mostly, but we do have a cool bench in the shower. That was my husband's idea, and I'm glad he did it. We have two showerheads in our shower: one regular one for standing, and one rainfall showerhead that is pointed directly over the bench. Sometimes I turn the water as hot as I can stand it and just sit there on that bench under that hot rainfall. Niiiiiiiiiice.

AXIOLOGY: the study of the nature of values and value judgments

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?

If I was drunk enough and the street was deserted, I might consider it. I've never been drunk, though, so I cannot guarantee that being drunk wouldn't just make me drowsy, and being iniebriated and asleep on a deserted street would not be fun.

Hey, wait. I just noticed that it said half a mile. Hmmm... that's a long walk. Maybe not.

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?

Sure. I have two daughters. That wouldn't be hard, 'cause I kiss them all the time!

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?

Nope.

What value is of utmost importance to you in a friend?

Trustworthiness (the ability to keep my secrets) and reciprocation (I hate when friendships seem one-sided, like one person is doing all of the work to maintain the friendship.)

Would you accept an indecent proposal for $1,000,000?

Nope.

TECHNOLOGY: usage and knowledge of tools

What's the last movie you saw?

I think it was The Holiday on DVD. I currently have Dreamgirls and 50 First Dates from Netflix sitting on my kitchen counter. I can't wait to find a time to watch 'em, especially Dreamgirls.

What's the first website you visit when you log on?

My homepage is iGoogle, so by default, that's it. Next is usually my email account.

What's your ring tone?

I have three. When my husband calls from his cell, it's "SexyBack". When he calls from work, it's "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne and for everything else it's "Jack and Diane" by John Mellencamp.

Would you quit blogging for $25,000?

Yeah, but I'd still keep a journal of some sort.

What piece of equipment do you wish you owned?

Adobe Photoshop. Is that considered equipment?

GENEALOGY: the study of relationships within families

Is there a specific family member you're really missing right now?

My mom and dad. My mom fell and popped her hip out of joint a couple of weeks ago. That means no travel for 90 days. She and my dad were supposed to join us at the beach last week, but the hip injury meant they couldn't make it.

Who is your oldest living relative?

My grandparents, I guess.

Are you named after anyone?

I had two great-grandmothers named Elizabeth. I'm just Beth.

Is there anyone really famous in your family tree?

Yup. Fred Thompson, the as-yet-undeclared Republican Presidential nominee. Freddy is some sort of cousin of my dad's. I don't think we'll be invited to any inaugural balls, though. At least, I hope not. I'd hate to see the Clampetts go to DC.

Crumbs

What Kind of Cookie Are You? Evidently, I am a Black & White Cookie

You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions.When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

Hmmm... that's pretty good for a cookie quiz. How did they know? And where are those Oreos??

Journey

I have had these lyrics floating around in my head today:

I get the joy of rediscovering you
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

It's from "Faithfully" by Journey and while it's not about the relationship between a parent and child, I feel like it applies to me lately.

I feel like I've rediscovered my children. I've always been involved in their lives, but I decided to make a conscious effort to interact with them more during our days together this summer. I've fallen in love with my babies all over again. Who couldn't love faces like these?



We've been watching home videos together over the past few days and nights, and I have to admit, there are a lot of those moments I had forgotten. When you're so accustomed to seeing your kids in their present states day after day, it's difficult to remember what they were like when they were younger. That's why I've loved watching the videos. I have been reminded of how awesome my kids are because I see how far they've come since they were tiny and how precious (and unprecocious) they were when they were small.

I love those kiddos. Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em.

I'm forever theirs....

Faithfully

Doppelganger Family

I grew up in a great family. My mom and dad were (are!) great parents. My sister and I had so much fun as kids; many times hanging out with our parents was more fun than being with our friends! There was always an adventure waiting for us when we were out with the 'rents.

One spring break we went down to Gulf Shores, Alabama. Being that it was March (April?) the weather was not ideal for what a person typically does at the beach. It was chilly, and rainy, and everything you don't want it to be when visiting the ocean.

My mom, being a thrifty shopper, had purchased the cheapest snacks and canned beverages she could find at the store. Our shoreline noshing was therefore limited to carbonated Shasta beverages in flavors like diet cream soda, diet lemon lime and diet black cherry (and this was waaaaay before diet tasted good!), and Lance crackers. Everything was piled into an ancient soft-side plastic cooler in a loud bright orange and yellow floral print. Very inconspicuous (not). Any other teens would have been diving under the sand to avoid being seen in such a situation, but I don't remember feeling embarrassed at all. It was a blast!

Like I said before, the weather was windy and chilly, so we were 4 of about 10 people on the beach that morning. We spread out our stuff and tried to pretend we were warm. It was great kite-flying weather, but not a good time to be in a bathing suit trying to get a tan. Brrrr.

My dad is a National Guard veteran, so he owns these really neat (and warm and weather resistant) camouflage blankets. We had two of them on the beach with us that day. We sat on one of them, and when it started to drizzle, all four of us huddled under the extra blanket, drinking nasty Shasta (aka "Nasta") and eating Lance crackers. Hilarity ensued. It's a memory we dredge up just about every time we're together.

When my husband and kids and I were sitting on the beach during Tropical Storm Barry on Saturday, the people next to us looked like this:



That green thing they're using to block the wind?

Why, it's a green camouflage blanket EXACTLY LIKE the one my family huddled under that day over 20 years ago!

Ain't that a hoot?!?

Nuggets

Things that are making me smile lately:

* Our pool is almost finished! The concrete should be poured late next week.

* My 4 year-old is super snuggly of late, so he's willing to lay down and rest with me in the afternoon. Plus, he LOVES to brush my hair. LOVES it. I love having my hair brushed!

* Organizing & putting away new scrapbook supplies. I love organizing and putting away new stuff almost as much as I love buying and using it!

* Not spending so much time in front of the computer means I have more time for other things I enjoy so much more!

* That guy that cut us off on our way home on Sunday was pulled over by a state trooper about 5 minutes after he cut us off. LOVE THAT.

* Schwan's Cream Cheese Pretzels

* The 2 year-old is taking longer naps because of the Benadryl she requires for an itchy rash she's had for about a week.

* My older daughter forgot her Webkinz password AND lost the retrieval code, so she's not using the computer as much (which means fewer fights over computers between her and her younger brother)

* Did I mention Schwan's Cream Cheese Pretzels?

* I don't have to get up early for nuthin' 'cause nobody's doing anything. School's out... for summer!

* General Hospital. Summertime means hot storylines! (I know. I'm a freak, but GH is the only soap I watch!)

* I got a gift certificate for a long spa day as my Mother's Day gift. I still haven't used it. I can't wait to, though. The thought of having a day to myself keeps me cheerful!

* Kool Aid. Grape Kool Aid to be specific. I drink almost as much of it as I do sweet tea. YOM.

* I made a 2-week meal plan so I know what we're having for dinner every night for the next 14 days. Cool.

Ah, summer...

It's that time again.



Summertime.

The livin' is supposed to be easy, but whoever wrote that song didn't have 4 kids to keep happy on a 5-hour trip in a smallish SUV. The song would not have been so mellow, and I'm pretty sure it would've included a lot more screeching and pulling of hair. Think Marilyn Manson sings "Summertime" and you've got the soundtrack for our vacation. When you have little devils like these 2, vacations are work:



My sweet hubby and I took our kids down to Myrtle Beach last Wednesday. The trip started out like this:







We stopped about halfway to the beach, because frankly, it makes traveling with kids easier when there is a break. Mama didn't raise no fool.

Thursday morning, we went to the state education museum, EdVenture. In the lobby of the museum there's a huge boy named Eddie whose insides you can explore. There are even sound effects. That's cool for most kids, but my Aiden, who's 6, is freaked out by noises, so the gurgling of the stomach and the bolts of electricity in the brain just wasn't his kind of fun.



We all had a great 3-hour visit to the museum. I solved a puzzle that my brainiac hubby couldn't fix:



Hey, Fergie! Check out these humps and those 4 lovely little lumps on top of the humps!



We go to the same hotel in Myrtle Beach every year, because my husband has to take classes to keep his license current, and the classes are held in the hotel. We get beach time and he gets hours. It's a great situation for him, really. For me it's like my everyday life, except with sand and sunscreen. There are still meals to cook, dishes to wash, fights to referee and clothes to clean, but I'm doing it all in a small condo instead of my nice, large house. Ah, the things we do to experience the beauty of nature. A little sand in the crotch is good for the soul, no?

When we arrived at our condo, my older daughter, the safety freak, flipped the dead bolt on the main door. When we tried to flip it back to get out, we discovered we were locked inside our room. As fate would have it, we had rented the adjoining suite to make a 3-bedroom condo, so we could exit out of that door. However, if the adjoining door was shut from the wrong side, we would die a horrible death from starvation because we wouldn't be able to leave the room.

Maintenance was called. The 2 year-old and I settled in for a nap while sweet hubby dragged the other kids off to Super Wal Mart to fetch vittles. When they returned almost 2 hours later, laden with foodstuffs, the door was still broken. Maintenance was called again, and came within 5 minutes.

The lock was officially pronounced broken (thanks, Zeb!), and we were offered another abode. The kids and I grabbed pillows and small bags and went down to the new condo. We were told that the maintenance man would meet us down there with the keys. Imagine my dismay when there was neither a maintenance man nor a set of keys awaiting us. Not even a propped door. Nada. We were stuck in the overly warm hallway, belongings in hand, looking very much like vagrants. A few minutes later my hubby came down the hall pushing a grocery cart full of our stuff. If ever I've had a Beverly Hillbillies moment, THAT was it.



Hubby turned around to go get the keys. My 6 year-old started to cry, because he thought we were going to run out of oxygen in the hallway. I guess he equates air conditioning with breathable air, because he was sure we were doomed. I just had to laugh, and when I finished laughing I started taking pictures. Notice that look on Camryn's face. She thinks Aiden is N-U-T-S.



Keys were found and we went inside our gorgeous condo. It was absent of any of the normal wicker beach furniture, the decor in shades of teal and peach, seashells, and big, puffy couches that Aunt Bertha didn't want so someone stuck them in their beach apartment. The new condo was NICE. I double checked to make sure the owners didn't mind my children being there, because it was that fancy. We're talking REAL wood furniture. No glass-topped tables. Real bedspreads. New tile floors. Granite countertops in the bathrooms and kitchen. Stainless appliances. N*I*C*E, y'all.



The beach was gorgeous, as always. I miss the white sand of the Gulf of Mexico that I visited every summer as a child, but I'm growing to like Carolina beaches. I just miss the dunes.



I love parking myself in a beach chair and watching the kids frolic.



What I think should be outlawed is exertion on the beach (except for the kind it takes to set up a beach chair or a beach tent). Those freaks that feel it necessary to ruin my "slovencation" by parading their toned, tanned bodies up and down the shoreline. You know the ones that don the sneakers and the jogwear and the iPod tucked in the armband, then proceed to jog up and down the beach. I really have no problem with other people exercising, but I really don't want to be reminded of my laziness when I'm supposed to be relaxing, know what I mean? Isn't that why hotels have rooms full of exercise equipment? Go climb the stairmaster and leave me to my nap, please!

And, as if to say he agrees, God sent this rainbow as a sign that thou shalt never jog on the beach again:



Actually, the rainbow appeared on Saturday, when we (foolishly) went out to the beach in the middle of a tropical storm. While he wasn't directly bearing down on us, we did experience the effects of Barry, who was off churning up the waters in the Atlantic.

There were high waves and rip currents and the occasional person making the most of the storm:



And blustery winds that made for chilly weather:



But it was worth it, because the kids still had fun and I got great pictures like this one:



And this:



And this:



We had to leave the beach on Sunday, and it was too stormy to go to the beach or the pool. I had a great time, but I wish we had seen more sun. On the upside, there was a washer/dryer in the condo, so I got to wash all the vacation laundry before we got home! Word up!

We outta there, y'all!

Pomp & Circumstance

There is a graduate in my house.

A kindergarten graduate, that is.



The one with the red eyes is mine. Ain't he a good lookin' boy? (even if it is an awful picture!) And he's now a rising first grader!

My Aiden "graduated" from kindergarten on Friday. I know a lot of people might think 5K graduations are silly and take away from the significance of the high school ceremony (*whatever*), but I loved every minute of the program on Friday.

First, the kids did a little "ABCs of Kindergarten" presentation. Aiden, who is not much of a public speaker, had 2 parts.

A is for.... ART!

Aiden proudly held up his flower picture and said, "Pointillism!" I don't know that many people knew what he said, but his momma did!



V is for VOWELS!

Aiden was A. How appropriate!

After the ABCs, there was a video that required Kleenex. The husband of one of the kindergarten teachers (who also happened to be the parent of a graduate) put together a video slideshow of the kids. He put up a baby photo of each child and followed it with a graduation photo of that child. Then he showed pictures of the kids taken throughout the year and interspersed poems and sayings and Bible verses. Not a dry eye, I tell you (and me without a tissue!) And the best part... we're getting a copy of the video! I can't wait!

While the parents watched the video, the kids donned their robes for the certificate ceremony. The kids were all so cute in their little caps and gowns. I was so proud of my boy, even if it was just kindergarten! I couldn't help but think of what Dr. Seuss wrote. "Oh! The places you'll go!"

I can't wait to see where he goes! What a day!

I scream! You scream!

So yesterday, when I was at the grocery store with the kiddos, I saw someone restocking the Breyer's ice cream in the freezer section.

I was thisclose to saying, "No doubt you have the COOLEST job in the world!"

Woot! Woot!

Give it up for the punny girl!

Yesterday

Yesterday was Monday.

Normally Mondays don't go well for me for whatever reason, but yesterday was a superb day.

I made up my mind on Sunday night that I was going to try to stay away from the computer all day on Monday. I have an unfinished library book due on Wednesday (Next by Michael Crichton) and I was determined to finish it. Plus, I had tons of laundry to do and some house-cleaning to accomplish. I find that the Internet just sucks me in some days, so I was determined to avoid it so I could get some things done.

I ended up checking my email twice yesterday, but I didn't spend more than 5 minutes online each time. Yea, me!

I took my 4 year-old to the dentist and surprised our favorite hygienist with a birthday cake and present (it was her 26th birthday yesterday). It made her day, which, in turn, made MY day. After that, I treated Quinn and Lillian to Happy Meals at McDonald's (which is rare) and they both got cute gingerbread man toys (from the movie "Shrek the Third"). They say, "Not my gingerbread buttons!", which is probably one of my favorite lines from the original Shrek movie. AND... the best part... they have OFF switches, so that when I get tired of Lillian pressing the button repeatedly ("not my, not my, not my, not my, not my gingerbread buttons!") I can just switch the thing off and hide it under the couch cushions. GEE-NEE-US!

After we finished eating, I put Lillian down for her afternoon snooze (she's 4 months away from turning 3, but thank heavens she still loves her naps!) Quinn and I retired to my bedroom, where Quinn played quietly with his new tractor/trailer/truck Tonka toy while I read. After awhile Quinn joined me on the bed and we snuggled up to take our own nap. How sweet is that feeling of warm child snuggled close to you? How sweet does his hair smell? How wonderful is it when he says, "Mommy, I love 'snuggalin' you!"? Bliss. Pure bliss.

I spent the afternoon helping my oldest child with a school project and watching Food TV with my other kids (They love Paula Deen, Giada and Barefoot Contessa.) Then I cooked dinner (grilled steaks!) and we had a nice meal together. The best part of dinner? EVERYONE ate. That's not normal at our house. Normally there is at least one child complaining about the food. It was a Monday miracle!

My husband and I cuddled together on the couch and watched "Dancing with the Stars" (go Joey!), "Heroes" (Adrian Pasdar is GONE?!?!) and "The Bachelor" (I knew it would be Tessa!) on TV (thank goodness for DVR) and then we went to bed.

I think May 21, 2007 will go own in history as my favorite Monday ever.

(And this blog has officially become the one with the biggest use of parentheses.)

Blog Challenge: Love/Hate with the 5 Senses

I haven't done a Blog Challenge in awhile now. This one seems easy enough.

LOVE:

the SIGHT of the sand and sea -tied- with the sight of my children all snuggled together on the couch reading a book together.
the SMELL of freshly dried clothes that have been laundered with fabric softener and bleach.
the TASTE of homemade cream cheese frosting.
the SOUND of silence. It's so rare to get that in my life; I crave it at times.
the FEEL of my husband's arms around me or my children's hands in mine. There is safety there.

HATE:

the SIGHT of children being berated by their parents -tied- with the sight of roadkill.
the SMELL of burning food or skunk juice.
the TASTE of the stuff my dentist uses to numb my jaw during dental procedures. I jokingly told him it tastes like ear wax (it DOES!) and he looked at me like I had 4 heads. I guess not everyone has had the misfortune of tasting ear wax on the end of a pen you forgot you used to scratch the inside of your ear.
the SOUND of one of my children hurting one another -tied- with the sound of slamming doors.
the FEEL of tears welling up in my eyes when faced with confrontation.

My Life as a Dog

When I was a little girl, we had a dog named Odie. He was a very active dog, very precocious, very exciteable. He was small and black, sort of a mutt mixture that looked like a medium-sized Dachsund. We loved him very much.

Odie liked to follow the kids in our neighborhood to the bus stop at the top of the hill on our street. One morning he did just that, and someone driving too fast turned onto our street and hit Odie. I'll never forget that morning, sitting at the kitchen table eating my cereal and hearing the doorbell ring. I could hear someone talking to my mom at the front door, and then Mom rushed into the kitchen and told us to go to the car. She went and got a box and got Odie.

When Mom got in the car, she was bleeding and crying. Odie was hurt badly. He bit Mom when she tried to pick him up and put him in the box, not because he didn't like her, but because he was in pain.

Odie died. I don't remember if his death was a direct result of his injuries or if Mom just chose to have him put to sleep, but either way, Odie never came home.

At the time I didn't understand why Odie bit my mother when she was just trying to get him some help, but it's ironic to me today. I do the same thing.

When I'm hurt and backed into a corner, I tend to bite. It never ends well, but I do it anyway. I think it's human nature to try to protect ourselves from being injured any worse than we already are.

I don't know what to call this entry

I did something stupid (that I thought was wise) and someone got hurt.

I was hiding in my scrap room, crying and feeling generally miserable.

Guess who decided to visit me?

My 2 year-old daughter.

She used to have a ponytail.

Now she doesn't.


My 4 year-old decided to lop it off while Mommy was hiding.

So, make that 2 stupid things I've done today.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty....

I've been feeling sorta bummed lately, because all of my summer shorts are too tight. I should lose weight (workin' on that), but until then, I cannot go nekkid, and I ain't sweatin' in jeans all summer long.

I cannot remember the last time I stepped foot in the mall. I don't think I even went at Christmastime. I abhor the mall. I like to get out of my car and into a store in about 10 to 20 steps. Any more than that (especially with 4 kids in tow), and shopping officially becomes a pain.

Thank goodness for online ordering. I went to LaneBryant.com and ordered myself a few new things. I got 'em today, and since (at the time) I was still in my PJs, I put on a new outfit.

I got this in Gemini Green and I'm currently wearing it with these in Sandstone (I see that they're on sale for $19.99. I think I'll go back and order 2 more pairs in black!) I'm stoked because (1) the shirt is NOT knit and (2) the pants don't have an elastic waist. I feel like I live in knit tees and elastic waisted pants. As Katharine McPhee sings, "I'm over it!"

The best part?

Every piece of clothing I ordered FITS! NO returns!

WOO HOOOOOOO! I love new clothes!

It's Monday (MONDAY!)

First, let me start by saying that I love Al Roker. He is one of the few reasons I will occasionally waste time watching morning television. I have noticed that old Al is gaining back some of the weight he lost after his gastric bypass. Bless his heart. I can't give up the bread either, Al.

But anyhow, friends and neighbors.... I love that when Al gives the weekend forecast, he says, "Sunday, SUNDAY!" I think that's from an old comedy routine or something to do with baseball. Not sure. Either way, it's one of those things I've come to expect from Mr. Roker. Comfy like a soft blanket.

Today *IS* Monday, which means I should expect the unexpected. So far today, I have had to listen to 2-hour toddler rant about wanting a snaaaaaaaaaaaaack AND I found 4 piles of cat poop and 2 cat pukes in my downstairs (guest) bedroom.

Gotta love Mondays. I only love Mondays because (1) "The Bachelor" comes on and (2) they come before Tuesdays. My husband takes off work on Tuesdays.

I love Tuesdays. Comfy like a soft blanket.

Two things

(1) Why does Fergie (aka Stacy Ferguson) always spell in her songs? Does she feel the need to prove that she can do it?

Hint to Stacy: in "Fergalicious" when will.i.am spells "tasty" he adds an unnecessary "e", so eviDENTly you can't spell as well as you thought, "dutchess" (yeah, that's spelled wrong, too, dear.)

(2) When you have your sunroof open, don't try to clean your windshield if you're going 50+ mph. You will get wet.

** That last comment is for anyone, not just Fergie. I'm pretty sure that (a) she's driven wherever she goes so she doesn't have to worry about cleaning the windshield and (b) she does not read this blog.