Ahoy, Matey!

The foods I have consumed today had an inadvertant theme. I guess I was in a fishy mood today.

I realized this on my way home tonight as I was trying to avoid having a wreck because I was slurping the tartar sauce running down my fingers. YOM, as Rachael Ray would say. YUM-OH.

So here's the breakdown.

Breakfast: Cap'n Crunch cereal (that and a Mountain Dew and you've got yourself the breakfast of champions! Sadly, I have no Mountain Dew. )

Lunch: Jumbo Crab Cake Burger from Ruby Tuesday ('Twas deelish. But from now on, when I hear SpongeBob speak of Crabby Patties, it's this sandwich I will think of!)

Dinner: Double Filet O'Fish, small fries, Yogurt & Fruit parfait from McD's (thanks, Stacy!)

And on a totally unrelated note (HA! At first I accidentally typed, "TOOTally". HOW FUNNY IS THAT? TOOTALLY!):

There's a German in my kitchen.

A German dishwasher, that is. His name is Bosch. James Bosch.

(Not really, but you gotta admit that's a funny line. "The name is Bosch. James Bosch." Get it?!? HEY! QUIT ROLLIN' YOUR EYES LIKE THAT! What? No, I haven't been drinking!)

Oh, there really is a new Bosch ULTRA QUIET dishwasher in my kitchen (Hear it? NO! I can't either!)

My "old" one broke this week. It started screaming like a cat in heat and at one point started smoking (Hey, who gave the cat the cigarette?) Then, it died.

Sears dude came out yesterday and said the motor was blown. Great. He's ordering the part; it'll be here in 3-4 days. He can't physically be here to install it for about 10 days.

Eh. Good thing we were going to replace it anyway.

Spin Cycle

There's nothing like a new spring romance.

And I'm in love, I tell you. LOVE. ENRAPTURED, even.

This gorgeous hunk of machine came into my life a little under two weeks ago. I was introduced to him by two Hispanic men.

He knows I'm using him, but he doesn't care. I load him up with dirty things, AND HE LIKES IT.
He lights up for me when I turn him on. He has the softest little beckoning call when he's done; he doesn't scream like other machines.

Oh, oh, oh.

His name?

Ken More.



He's just delicious.

No.

He's LAUNDRYlicious.

He's bigger than your average machine, and that's why I love him.

My old machine used to only hold two sets of twin sheets. Ken? He can hold FOUR.

That's right. I said FOUR. Jealous?

He's amazing.

Look at his buttons. Don't they just scream, "TOUCH ME! START ME UP!"?!?





He has a sanitary cycle. That means he gets my undies CLEAN.

Isn't he GORGEOUS?

Excuse me. I need a cigarette.

Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da

I hate being sick.

I really hate being so sick that I can't get up and do anything.

I really, really hate being so sick that my husband has to cancel his patients and stay home with me.

Last night I had a stomach bug. I stayed in the bed for a long time, trying to will it away, wishing that the inevitable wouldn't come, but finally it did. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it was coming out of both ends simultaneously.

Ew. I know. It wasn't fun to be me last night.

In the process of losing the pizza I'd had for supper (why, oh why did it have to be PIZZA?) I wrenched my back. Getting back into the bed was a nightmare. Sleep was non-existent.

My sweet husband had his receptionist reschedule all of today's patients (he had a full book!) and he stayed home with me. Well, really, he did all the running around, so there wasn't much staying home for him.

I took a hot shower early this morning, took a handful of pills (Immodium, Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen and my beloved Cymbalta) and then, like I used to do when I was sick as a kid, grabbed my pillow off the bed and got comfy on the sofa.

I slept, off and on, all day long. Most of my sleeping was done on the couch, but when my beloved started boiling peanuts on the stove, I had to remove myself to my bedroom.

I finally woke up around 7 pm, vaguely disoriented and wondering what day it was, but feeling a lot better.

My back is still a little stiff, and I'm still a little queasy, but I think I will live.

I have to live, because I have so much to do tomorrow. Awaiting me is a sink full of dishes to wash (did I mention that my less-than-a-year-old dishwasher is broken?), loads of laundry and minor things to attend to (the missed conference with my kindergartner's teacher, various field trip permission slips, Easter bunny shopping...) This is the worst part about being sick: life goes on while you're down for the count, and no one knows how to run that life but you. Tonight I'll get a good night's sleep and tomorrow, I'll start again.

After all, tomorrow is another day. Lala how the life goes on.

Four Things About Me

I totally Blog-lifted this. The idea isn't mine, but the answers are.

Four Places I have worked:

(1) Samford University, Alumni & Development office (college)
(2) Movie Gallery
(3) Gymboree (the clothing store)
(4) Taylors First Baptist church daycare

Four movies I would watch over and over:

(1) Gone With the Wind
(2) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
(3) Some Kind of Wonderful
(4) Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Four places I’ve lived:

(1) Birmingham, AL
(2) Florence, AL
(3) Greenville, SC
(4) Gardendale, AL

Four television shows I watch:

(1) Grey's Anatomy
(2) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
(3) Lost
(4) Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe

Four places I have been on vacation:

(1) Disney World
(2) Myrtle Beach
(3) Gulf Shores, AL
(4) Charleston, SC

Four websites I visit daily:

(1) Scrapshare.com
(2) Google.com
(3) Dooce.com
(4) GoFugYourself.com

Four favorite foods:

(1) Pasta Purses (Tortellaci) from Portofino's (local Italian place... their salad is awesome, too!)
(2) Fig Newtons (original)
(3) Boiled Cookies (cocoa, peanut butter + oatmeal.... yum!)
(4) freshly made salsa + tortilla chips

Four places I would rather be right now:

(1) In my bed
(2) On a warm beach in a hammock between 2 palm trees
(3) In a hot tub in the mountains
(4) Disney World

Four foods I hate:

(1) liver
(2) brussel sprouts
(3) Hot Pockets
(4) pork rinds

Blog Challenge: Laugh

This week, write about the last time you had a really good laugh. A belly laugh. A laugh that took your breath away. A laugh that starved you of oxygen and gave you a headache. A laugh where you tossed your head back and really let 'er rip.

I laugh at something (usually the children) at least once a day. I can't remember the last deep belly laugh, but since laughter is a way of life around here, I'm not concerned that I can't remember. I can't go a day without laughing at something. It's like a drug.

Yesterday I laughed pretty hard at a stunt pulled by the morning DJs of our local Top 40 station, B 93.7. Hawk and Tom have something they call "Torture Tuesdays" where they dare one another to do stuff or take dares from listeners. Yesterday it was their cohort, Kato, that got tortured.

Here's Kato's dare: go to a local Waffle House restaurant, ask for a seat at the bar, order something messy (like grits) and proceed to eat with your hands behind your back (or, in other words, use your face).

Juvenile? YES.

Gut-bustingly funny? HECK YEAH.

Kato wore a mic so we could hear what was happening.

The reaction was not what was expected at the first Waffle House. Kato ate, asked someone to wipe his mouth (someone did), and nothing was said. He paid the check and left. As a listener pointed out, "The people that work at the Waffle House are probably used to seeing weirdos like that." Yet another listener suggested Kato go to a Waffle House in a better part of town. (I didn't know there was such a thing as a Waffle House in a "better part of town"!)

So Kato moved on to another Waffle House, and the location was revealed to the listeners. This is where things got really funny.

Kato went in, got a seat at the bar where everyone could see, and did his thing again.

Nobody would wipe his mouth.

In the background the staff could be heard urging Kato to sit still, because his "sister Katherine" was on her way. Kato had no clue who Katherine was, but he played along. He kept saying, "I don't want to go with her, man. She can't make me go back there."

Then the staff kinda' ganged up on Kato and tried to keep him from leaving. He freaked out a little and finally got out of there.

Who was Katherine? A listener. She called the Waffle House pretending to be Kato's sister. She explained that her "brother" Kato had escaped from Marshall Pickens (a local mental hospital) and she suspected that he was eating in their restaurant. She encouraged the staff to keep him in the restaurant until she could come pick him up.

Reading back over all of that, it's hard to see just exactly was SO funny, but I sure was laughing so hard I was crying.

I guess you have to hear it; the simple retelling of the story isn't all that funny in print.

Maybe they'll post the audio on the website soon and you'll understand why it's blog-worthy.

All I needed was raisins!

My 6 year-old son, Aiden, has been sick since Monday. He's not missed a day of school all year (the kid loves learning!), so for him to miss an entire week is a big deal. He's been feverish, has vomited off and on (sorry for using the V-word) and has been coughing his head off. My poor baby has just been lethargic and unable to eat much, but in usual Aiden style, hasn't complained one bit.

Yesterday, bless his heart, all he wanted for lunch was a bowl of oatmeal. I was ecstatic that he was asking for food, so darn it, I was going to make whatever he wanted!

Oatmeal! Sure! Comin' right up, sunshine!

I made the first bowl. Blech. It was awful. Too runny. I didn't even serve it to him.

The second bowl was much better. I added the butter and the sugar and the milk and the cinnamon and.... raisins? Oh, heavenly day. We cannot be out of raisins! Mama's boy needs his iron!

My 4 year-old, who basically blames his baby sister for everything, piped up.

"Lillian ate all duh waisins."

I knew that wasn't true, but before I could correct him, Aiden had run over and popped Lillian for "eating all duh waisins". (Fever and hunger make a boy mean, evidently.)

So, I had to punish my sweet, sickly boy for hurting his sister. Nothing like a red-faced, crying, feverish boy to make a mommy feel doggone *wonderful*.

I dug and dug and finally found one tiny snack-sized box of raisins in the pantry. Thank God for small miracles.

After lunch I sent my hubby a text message. "We need raisins."

His response, "Let's go to BJs."

Folks, the man works at a freakin' Wal Mart SuperCenter, where there are raisins aplenty, but he wants to drag 4 children, 2 of which are knocking on death's door, across town to the warehouse club.

I suspect that my husband has an IQ approaching genius, but sometimes I wonder about his everyday thinkin' skills.

(But I LOVE me some BJs, so I was rarin' to go. When a girl ain't been outside of her 4 walls for a week, BJs and a trip to Perkins for supper sounds like heaven.)

I had to bribe the sick kids to go to BJs by promising them a trip to a local toy store to purchase Webkinz (side note: these little furdevils are the techno version of Beanie Babies, and we all know how much those are worth these days...), so they agreed to go.

We had a list of about 10 things to buy. We only put 4 of those things in our buggy, but surprisingly, our total bill was in the $250+ range.

All I needed was raisins.

In addition we came home with a 5 pound bag of frozen flounder, 2 Bathroom Reader books, a flat of Coca Cola (in glass bottles! Be still my heart!), a can containing 100 Slim Jims, 10 pounds of ground sirloin, 3 pounds of bananas, 2 beef tenderloins, a box of Bisquick that would make the world's largest pancake, a megapack of Lunchables, a 10-pack of Chap Stick, Splenda, some kids' Tylenol, some Delsym (world's best cough medicine!), milk, eggs, grapes, 6 boxes of cereal, a flat of Danish, a dozen huge muffins and assorted other things you can't resist buying because they come in GI-FREAKIN-NORMOUS boxes.

(I apologize for using FREAKIN' twice in one blog. Forgive me.)

Why is that? Just because it comes in a box the size of my refrigerator, I feel compelled to buy it. I don't see myself wanting to fill my cart with a dozen boxes of cereal at the regular grocery store; I restrain myself from buying a 14 pounds of dry spaghetti on a regular grocery trip, but at BJs, I can't control myself. LOAD 'ER UP.

Methinks if I quit buying in BULK, I'd quit eating in BULK.

ALL

WE

NEEDED

WERE

RAISINS.

Blog Challenge: Extra Hour

We had an "extra hour" of daylight today. How'd you spend it? Any regrets? If so, describe how you'd spend it differently, given the chance. ('Cause you have another chance tomorrow!)

Ah, Daylight Savings Time.

My friend, my enemy.

DST is my enemy because I like my sleep, and giving up an hour of it makes me a wee bit cranky.

DST is my friend, because I love having the "extra" daylight.

While I've never been officially diagnosed, I think I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (whose acronym, S.A.D., makes me laugh!) Having a longer day, or feeling like I do because I'm forced to get up an hour earlier, makes a world of difference to me.

On Sunday we skipped church because my parents were visiting. It's not that they wouldn't gladly attend with us, but we prefer spending the extra time with them. They always visit for such short periods (because they both still work), so any extra time together we can squeeze in is worth skipping church.

Anyhoo... after my parents left, we put Lillian down for her nap. The boys and Camryn went outside to play, joining a neighbor and her friend on her swingset first, then moving to ours. Neighbors were out planting flowers, washing cars, doing SPRING things. I LOVED IT. Another Pleasant Valley Sunday, as the Monkees say.

There is nothing like a warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. It's so inspiring. Windows up, breezes blowing... makes me want to CLEAN. So I did. I spent time in my scrapbook room, culling, cleaning, straightening, organizing, making room for a large comfy chair so my husband can spend time with me in there at night. I smiled every time I threw something away, or got something reorganized, or heard the kids laughing and having a good time right outside my window.

Good times.

Before I knew it, it was 6 pm. My husband cooked dinner, we ate, and then the kids went back outside. (I love DST for that simple reason: the kids have more daylight to be OUTDOORS!)

I went to soak in my tub and watch "In Her Shoes" with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette. It turned dark while I was in the tub, but I couldn't tear myself away from that movie. It was so good. A friend had recommended it a long time ago; I had put it in my Netflix queue, and it had just worked its way to the top.

One hundred thirty minutes after getting in the water, I emerged tear-faced, pruny and happy that I have a great relationship with my sister. That is a true blessing!

Sunshine, spring cleaning and a good chick flick. Ah, the joys of an extra hour!

Poem Blog

When I slipped on my shoe this morning, there was a little toy in it. I growled at first, and then it hit me that one day I will never step on a Lego or Barbie shoe or tiny tire again. This poem flowed out of those feelings.


There's a Nerf ball in my kitchen floor
A tiny tire in my shoe
Orphaned Legos everywhere I look
Empty juice cups, too.

Barbie shoes under my feet
Polly Pocket has lost her shirt
Hairbows, headbands, single socks
Tennis shoes covered in dirt.

The playroom floor is covered in toys
Crayon scribbles cover my walls
Books are scattered here and there
Someone's Crocs are in the hall.

This one is yelling at that one,
Radios blare from every room
Lightsaber battles on my front lawn,
Vader cries, "Mommy!" as he meets his doom.

There are dirty dishes in my sink
Laundry needs to be done
So many things I could be doing
But I'd miss out on the fun.

As long as there are children here
This house will be a mess
One day my house will be tidy
One day I'll get some rest.

I don't want that day to come too soon;
I like having my children near.
It won't be long before they're gone,
And I'll be all alone here.

Longing to step on the Legos
And Barbie shoes that once littered the floor
My children will be grown and have moved away
And I'll wish they were babies once more.

Musk and Gingerbread

Lucky me.

Look what I got to do this morning on top of the 6 loads of laundry I have to finish today. (I was in the laundry room when this happened.)



Ah, make that 7 loads of laundry, with the rugs and washcloths used to wipe up this mess.

I hate the "fascination with all things liquid and cream" phase that kids go through. My other 2 kids went through it, too. Now the 4 year-old is in that phase, but now he has a PARTNER.

Ugh.

I came out of the laundry room and heard water running. I looked towards the girls' bathroom and saw a closed door. When I tried to open it, it was locked.

NOT GOOD.

Here's what I saw (imagine one very guilty 2 YO on the stool in front of the sink and one 4 YO boy hiding behind the door):





Towels in the floor from where the kids had tried to start cleaning:




More tub.





And they got the toilet, too. I don't know if they put anything in the toilet, but when I tried to flush it, it was stopped up. Quinn swears he only put soap in it.



Ah, the joys of motherhood.

On the positive side, the bathroom now smells like men's cologne (from the blue shampoo) and gingerbread. Things could be worse.

Oh, wait. They did get worse.

When I came out of the laundry room after putting the dirty rugs and rags in the washing machine, I was greeted by sticky-handed children. Quinn had found a tube of Vaseline ointment and spread it all over Lillian's feet and hands. They were both greasy from the Vaseline.

At least it wasn't diaper cream.

I have no clean bras

Currently, I am wearing my last clean bra.

(I'm sure you really wanted to know that.)

But I have a good reason. At least, I think it's a good reason. My husband probably wouldn't think that my neglect of the laundry, which resulted in his having to wear the one pair of briefs he owns, is not a good thing. He normally wears boxer briefs, but he has that one pair of regular briefs at the bottom of the stack that is his hint that he's outta clean drawers...

[So let's count here. How many things have I shared that you really didn't need (or want to) know? I think that number is 2. Sorry. And it's still early-ish. Double sorry.]

So, back to the laundry.

It's Saturday, and normally I might have one or two loads of clothes to wash. Today I have a buttload. I have no idea how many regular loads of laundry a "buttload" equals, but I know it's a lot, because I emptied everyone's overflowing hampers this morning. But it's worth it. It's all good.

(Are you ready for the point of all this laundry talk?)

These wise words were spoken by Vincent Van Gogh:

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced."

If you know me, even marginally know me, you know that I love to scrapbook. But I hit a wall late last year. Everything I did was just blah. I was just putting down pictures to get the pages done, because I was worried about getting caught up.

How times change.

Recently I bought a book called Clean and Simple Scrapbooking: The Sequel by Cathy Zielske. I have no idea why I didn't buy the first book first instead of the sequel, but I did. It's done done.
Cathy Zielske says not to worry about getting the mythical land of Caught Up. She encourages the scrapper to enjoy the journey, because once you're there, it's not as much fun.

And a light came on. A voice started calling to me from the scrap room. "Scraaaaapbooook!" it said.

And this week, I LISTENED.

I have rediscovered my passion for the journey in the pages. I am no longer in a hurry to get pages done to get caught up. I'm enjoying the process, and it has really made a difference.

If I spend 3 hours on one page, it's okay. The world will not stop.

I enjoy creating. There's more of me in a page if I take my time with it, and isn't that part of the reason we scrap? To put ourselves on the page in some way for future generations to know us a little bit?

So I didn't do laundry this week. Every spare minute that I could find, I was playing in my scrap room. The weather has been gorgeous this week, so the sun and the promise of spring and the green of things being reborn really inspired me. It has been wonderful.

And a if a buttload of laundry on a Saturday is the price I have to pay, then that's fine. I don't mind.

'Cause that voice telling me to scrap is silent...for now.

Blog Challenge Update

Remember how I said I was going to ask my kids and my husband to describe me in one word? I did.

My husband said, "Perfect."

He's sweet, but way off the mark.

My 8 year-old daughter said, "Mean". It probably didn't help that I asked her for her opinion right after telling her to get off the phone.

The rest of the kids didn't understand the assignment.

Oh, well.

On another note, I regret to tell you that I will not be able to finish my "Blogs in a Series". I lost my list of great ideas.

So much for being organized.

Blog Challenge: One Word

Have you ever tried to describe yourself in one word? One word that sort of sums up who you are, what makes you tick, what sets you apart. It's not as easy as you think.

As women, we need to spend more time recognizing and celebrating the talents and positive traits we've been adorned with. Whether we're suburban upper-middle class moms or urban, poor, living-the-moment teens - we all have one thing in common: we're beautiful women with amazing talents, unbridled potential... and we're fabulous, baby. Fabulous.

Go ahead. Describe yourself with one word. Then ask three other people to describe you, too. Celebrate yourself. I dare you!

I'm not going to ponder this one. I'm going with my first thought.

Organized

I like when things are all put away in their little places. I enjoy being neat. Messiness makes my head hurt.

My older daughter constantly tells me how organized I am. She loves it when I help her clean up her room. She's helped me tidy up in the playroom before, and every time she tells me how amazing it is that I know where everything goes.

It's a sickness. I know. (And it seems that the sickness isn't in the blood... maybe it's a trait that will manifest itself later in life...)

If you gave me money and told me I had to spend it on myself, I'd head straight for a local store called "Organize It" (or I'd get online and shop at the Container Store). What a fantasy. Boxes and containers and tins, oh my!

If I had a large sum of money to blow, I'd have my master bedroom closet decked out with a super organization system. I'd love to have the fancy hangers and drawers for every little tee shirt and pair of underwear.

You people can keep your fancy cars; I want the Cadillac of closet systems. I want a California Closet. Oh, yeah, baby. Thinking about it just makes me tingle.

So how would you describe me? I don't know if anyone else reads my blog, but for those 2 of you that do, what would you say?

I'll have to ask my husband and my kids to see what their answers are. It'll be interesting. I'll post those results tomorrow, maybe, if I get the time.

I might have to rearrange something. Or buy a container with lots of little drawers. Who knows.

See Spot Pull His Hair Out

I love Target. I really love Target.

I love that you could pick up a gallon of milk, a birthday present for a kid you've never met (but to whose party your son is invited because he's in your kid's 3K class an his mom needs to meet the minimum head count at Chuck E Cheese...), a bra, and a vacuum cleaner, all under the same roof.

But I swear to you, on the tallest stack of Bibles I could ever find, I will not-

-I repeat-

I WILL NOT

Step foot inside a Target store ever again if all four of my children are with me.

Shoot me if I do.

Heavenly day.

I picked Camryn up from a sleepover party. She was grumpy (nothing new there) because I would not let one of her friends come along with us.

Do I look nuts? Four kids at Target is temporary insanity. Five is suicide.

So before we even reached the store I had Moody Dwarf giving me the crossed arms coupled with the evil eye. Dangerous combo, that one.

Aiden and Quinn had pooled their spending money so they could buy one thing together at Target. Aiden had his heart set on something in the Star Wars Lego category. He had $10 and Quinn had $3, but together they could get something bigger.

Yeah. You know how that's going to turn out, right?

I had a long list of things to buy, and I warned Aiden that the toy department might be the last thing on my list. He said, "Okay." No fussing. Just, "Okay".

Yeah. You know how that's going to turn out, right?

So first we hit the dollar spot, where I stopped to talk to a neighbor. Aiden and Camryn started running around (the other two, thankfully, were in the buggy...) I hate that. I HATE IT when my kids act like that while I'm distracted.

I stopped chatting with the neighbor and looked up to see my 8 year-old daughter staring at me wearing these hideous shamrock sunglasses.

I had to laugh. I lost all leverage as soon as I did, too.

("Mommy didn't punish us for running around. Ha. She laughed. I'm a GENIUS, Aiden. GENIUS! I can rock a pair of shamrock sunglasses. That's some lucky stuff there, man.")

Take the parking break off, Mildred, 'cause it's all downhill from there.

Dora underwear. Check.

("Mommy? When are we going to the toy department??")

Belt for Camryn. Check.

("Mooommy? When are we going to the toooooy department??")

Bra for Camryn. Check. (Yeah. I said bra. Can you believe it? She'll be nine on the 7th. NINE.)

("MOMMMMMMMMEEEEEE! When are we going to the toy department??")

In the middle of girls' unmentionables, Quinn says, "MOMMY! I gotta go pee!"

Quinn's like E.F. Hutton. When he mentions PEE, you LISTEN.

We dropped everything and took him to the potty. Just.in.time.

("MOMMMMMMMMEEEEEE! Mommeeeeeee! MOMMY! Is the toy department next?")

New tennis shoes for Quinn. Check.

("Why does Quinn need new shoes?? THIS.IS.NOT.THE.TOY.DEPARTMENT!")

Easter sandals for Camryn. Check. (NO YOU CANNOT WEAR THEM AROUND THE STORE. I don't care if you have a blister. That's why I tell you to wear SOCKS, precious thing.)

("MOMMMMMMMMEEEEEE! I see the toy department!!")

As soon as we saw the toys, Camryn tried to bribe the boys into splitting their cash with her so they could each get a toy. There's a brilliant lawyer in there, I tell you.

I should skip the entire toy department visit. You know how that went if you've ever tried to get a child to find something they want to buy that's within their budget. Disaster.

"NO. You cannot get that Imperial Destroyer. What the freak? NO WAY. That thing is $100 and it has over 1300 pieces! Holy mother of pearl. I'm not crazy. No. NOOOOO! I said no. NO. You only have $13. NO! I will not chip in the rest. NO! A thousand times no."

"Aiden., stop crying. Aiden, sweetheart. No, it doesn't mean I don't love you just because I won't bring home 1300+ Legos that might someday, with any luck and a year of no vacuuming, form a Star Wars ship. And quit taking advice from your sister about using guilt to twist my arm. It won't work."

The boys finally settled on a tube of plastic dinosaurs and a sand mill (Aiden), some bubbles and another sand mill (Quinn).

I swear. I need the Nobel prize for that. That was the Camp Target Accords, I tell you.

I thought it would get better, but pretty soon Aiden started asking for something to drink.

Repeatedly.

Like, three times a minute.

I thought his head was going to explode.

I thought my head was going to explode.

I want my mommy.

Bleh

Today it's raining.

It's cloudy. And dark.

My oldest child didn't want to go to school today. At first she said she felt "pukey sick" (which is our euphemism for "nauseous"). She seemed to feel better after she ate, so I thought I might drop her off when I took the Taco Bell hot lunch out to her school. But she begged to be able to stay home. Evidently she's having a problem with two of the kids in her class, and she didn't want to put up with their antics today.

Okay. I'm a sucker. Stay home.

I had to take the Taco Bell out there anyway. In the rain.

Now my daughter is busy doing her homework, and I'm sitting here typing random things onto the screen.

Bored yet?

In about one hour I have to brave the rain yet again to go pick up my other three children.

Did I mention that I hate cold, rainy days? I think I might have shared that before. Yeah.

My eyes are hot like I have a fever (I do have a dry cough), and I am cold to the bone.

Bleh.

Betty Beauty

I discovered a new blog.

It's a shopping blog, but it's FUN.

Here's the link.

One of the products I discovered: http://www.bettybeauty.com/

I DO NOT think my Betty will ever be ready for that.

Blog Challenge: Countdown (again)

10 Favorites

Color: Red
Food: Cereal
Month: February (it's my birthday month, and it's short!)
Song: Right now it's "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce
Movie: "Gone With the Wind" I watched it with Camryn yesterday (it was on TMC). She loved it. It was her first time seeing it.
Sport: Hands down it's Auburn University football.
Season: Spring
Day of the Week: Tuesday or Saturday (if there is nothing to do)
Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate Raspberry Truffle
Time of Day: afternoon, after the kids come home

9 Currents

Mood: I'm good right now. Frustrated because Quinn is bored and getting into stuff because Lillian is asleep.
Clothes: Jeans and my ScrapShare t-shirt (in Texas orange)
Taste: I have no idea what I taste like right now. (ha!)
Desktop: I'm at the kitchen desk. Silestone countertop in Amarillo Palmira. Pretty clean. No clutter. Maybe it means the desktop picture on this computer. THAT is a picture of the IllumiNations fireworks going off at EPCOT. It's my wallpaper on this computer.
Toenail Color: Some shade of OPI polish put on at my last pedicure, which was on December 23. It's time for another one.
Time: 1:45 pm est
Surroundings: I'm in the kitchen.
Thoughts: Watching the clock, 'cause I have to go get my daughter at 2:30 pm and I would like to get down to my scrap room before that. Doesn't look like it's going to happen, though.
Wonderings: I wonder if my ScrapShare Secret Valentine box is EVER going to arrive. It's almost March!

8 Firsts

Best Friend: Probably Suzanne W. or Dana E. or Kelly T. They all lived in my neighborhood.
Kiss: 7th grade.
Screen Name: Samford95 (My college + grad year)
Pet: Bo & Prissy (cats)
Piercing: My ears, 3rd grade (double pierced in 9th grade)
Crush: 2nd grade.
Computer: Apple IIe way back when I was in elementary school
Home Location: suburb of Birmingham, AL

7 Lasts

Cigarette: never (the smell nauseates me)
Drink: iced tea sweetened with Splenda ("adult beverage" Feb 14th, a Mai Tai at Red Robin)
Kiss: Yikes. Last night before bed, from my hubby. I forgot to kiss him goodbye this morning! I have kissed my younger son and daughter since then, though, so I guess they're my last kisses.
Movie seen at the theater: The Nativity Story
Phone Call: to a book club to cancel my account
CD played: "Crazy Frog" on the way to Camryn's school today.
Gift received: 12 yellow roses from my husband (It was a total guilt purchase because he didn't get me a Valentine gift...)

6 Have You Evers

Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Yep. Twice. I married the last one.
Broken the Law: Yep. Speeding.
Been Arrested: Nope.
Skinny Dipped: Yep, but only in my own pool. Never anywhere else.
Been on TV: Yes, on a local Saturday music video show in Birmingham. It was hosted by a VJ; he interviewed kids from local high schools, and I was on there. I sounded so stupid and Southern.
Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No

5 Things

You've Eaten Today: I've only eaten 2 things today: cream chipped beef on toast (breakfast) and Chef Boyardee mini ravioli with meatballs (lunch). No snacks in between.
You've Done Today: Went to the bathroom, made the bed, straightened the den, folded sheets, sorted clothes to wash.
You Can Hear Right Now: Quinn making monster truck sounds at the kitchen table, plastic Lego wheels turning on the table, my daughter's spy watch alarm going off in another room (MUST.STOP.THAT), Nelly Furtado singing "Say It Right" on Sirius radio, keyboard clicking
You Can't Live Without: my family, iced tea, music, books, scrapbooking
You Do When You're Bored: pick at my fingernails/cuticles, read, get on the internet, take a hot bath, scrapbook

4 places you've been today

To Camryn's school and back, the laundry room, the mailbox, my bedroom

3 people you can tell anything to

Stan, my sister (Brooke), Malinda

2 Choices

1. Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: Hot

1 thing you wanna do before you die

Stay in that suite in Cinderella's castle at the Magic Kingdom in Disney World

Top Ten Things I Would Not Miss (#2 in a series)

The last blog was Top Ten Things I Would Miss if They Were Gone.

So it seems fitting that this one should be titled:

"Top Ten Things I Would NOT Miss if They Were Gone/Fell Off the Face of the Earth/Went Into Rehab and Never Came Back"

I forgot to say in my previous Top Ten blog that these are in no particular order. Number one is no more important than number ten. They're just ordered that way because that's the way they came to me.

(1) Polly Pockets

Moms of daughters, stand with me on this one. Let's rid the world of these little rubber menaces with their shoes no bigger than boogers. I hate these things. My older daughter knows that she will not be allowed to bring any more Polly Pocket dolls, accessories, body parts, teeny tiny wigs, etc. into this home. If she receives any as gifts, they are to remain unopened until we can have them sprinkled with holy water and returned to the nearest Target store.

(2) The Rebel Flag

There are so many things I could say about this, but I won't bore you. Yes, it has a place in history, but it has been abused by hate groups and therefore should not be flown publicly anywhere by any government entity. And that's all I have to say about that.

(3) High heeled shoes

I know some gals like the heels, but they're just darned uncomfortable. Give me my butt ugly but oh so comfy Crocs any day. They're not fashionable, but my back doesn't hurt when I wear them, so I know they work. I wish I could wear them to church without people looking at me cross-eyed.

(4) Valentine's Day

I know my husband loves me, so there really is no need for him to go spend an arm and two legs on Valentine crap. I'd actually be mad if he freed captive flowers by paying the ransom florists want for them on Valentine's Day. So why did I get all in a wad when I didn't get so much as a CARD on February 14th? I dunno. But I was convinced it meant something and I stayed mad for about 4 days or so afterwards, rubbing it in whenever I could. I got him and the kids card each, plus candy (for the kids) and Peeps hearts for my hubby (he loves those Peep things! Ick!) But I got squat. I hate Valentine's Day.

(5) Marilyn Manson

Personally I have never, ever listened to a Marilyn Manson song, but I imagine that it would sound much like chewing on tin foil feels. I can't get past his eyes. They creep me out, dude. If I see his picture in People magazine, I have to cover it with my hand. I can't even bring myself to touch the paper, so I just let my hand hover over the picture so he's not staring at me while I read. I'm afraid his evilness is going to burn my oh-so-innocent skin, so his photograph cannot be touched.

Did I mention he creeps me OUT?

(6) Telephones

I know. It's a bold statement. But I would not miss telephones if they went away. Give me an instant messaging system, some email and a microphone that works through my computer and I'm good.

I hate answering the phone. It always rings when I am the least likely to want to chat. I love caller ID and use it. Yep, I screen. I'm a screener. Love it, use it, will never get rid of it. Mine comes through my satellite TV so I don't even have to get up to check the phone if'n I don't wanna.

(7) Telemarketing

See number 6 for an explanation.

(8) Snow

Yes, it is pretty. I will admit that. But I'm not a person who likes cold weather OR grey days. When it snows, the skies are grey and I get sad and icky. I'm not a winter person.

(9) Judgment

No, I don't mean like the final judgment that is discussed in Revelation. I'm talking about judgment of others. Can't we just all get along? All that "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" and live in perfect harmony stuff? Why do we feel the need to pass judgment on others?

I admit, I'm guilty, and the view from up here is mighty nice, but I hate when someone with an ivory tower higher than mine passes judgment on me. Wow. That hurts. And it reminds me that I do it, too.

I have a love/hate relationship with judgment, so if one day it just disappeared, that would be great. No more worries.

(10) Money

I wish we could all just use the barter system. Money is so overrated.

"Ten Things" (#1 in a series)

Today I'm going to begin a blog series. In the car today I was thinking about things about which to blog, and I came up with so many lists I wanted to make. The list kept getting longer and longer, and by the time I reached Camryn's school I was scribbling furiously so I wouldn't forget any of the topics.

Before I start the serious blogging, I have to relay what I saw on today's backwoods journey.

A mailbox.

But it wasn't any old mailbox.

It was a new mailbox owned, obviously, by a person who is at the same time lazy AND inventive.
You see, instead of fastening the mailbox to the wooden post with whatever rational people use to fasten mailboxes to posts, this person had used the Southern handyman's best friend.

Duct tape.

Brand new, shiny mailbox. Brand new yellow wooden post. Duct taped. Together.

Ahhhh, necessity is the mother of invention. It's also the 1st cousin, evidently.

Now, on with the blog.

TOP TEN THINGS I WOULD MISS... if they went away or were never invented

(1) My microwave

Nothing says, "I love you" to my kids like a nice, warm Hot Pocket for breakfast. (There are some things that should NOT be nuked, though. Fish sticks. Tater tots. A boy's gloves soaked by the snow. You catch my drift...)

(2) Water heaters

I don't know how the Little Family on the Prairie took proper baths. If I had to boil my bath water and/or wash my tushie in Laura's funky stew, I think I'd just prefer to stink (you know they shared tubs back then, right? It was a waste to replace the hot water for each person!)

(3) Cars

I'd probably weigh a lot less if I had to put 4 kids on the back of my bicycle, though.

(4) America's Funniest Home Videos (or AFV as they prefer nowadays)

Once they dumped that "I think my corny jokes are so funny, but I'm the only one laughing," Bob Saget, the show is actually not painful to watch. It's an enjoyable show that my whole family can sit in front of on a Sunday evening. We get the biggest kick out of it! I think I am more entertained by my husband and kids laughing than I am by the videos on the show.

(5) Internet

OH MY GOSH. How did I not think of this one first? I met my husband on the internet. I practically live my life on the web. How did I ever get along without thee, oh fiber optic cables of bliss? I guess Al Gore was good for something (I know, I know. He didn't invent the internet. It was a JOKE. He did invent global warming, though.)

(6) Tea bags and Splenda

(Technically that's two, but it's my blog, so shut up.)

I can't go a day without a tall frosty glass of iced tea sweetened with Splenda. I'll probably die an early death because the Splenda is eating up my insides, but I'll make sure everyone at the funeral gets a glass of iced tea, dahlin'!

(7) Elastic

Sometimes a girl just has to get out of her jeans, and it's at that time that elastic waisted pants are a girl's best friend.

Rule #1 of buffet grazing: NEVER wear jeans with buttons or zippers. If you're going to cram salad, soup, mac & cheese, rolls and assorted cakes and pies down your throat, you cannot be wearing anything constricting.

And that's just a little tip from me to you. No need to pay me. Just pass it on, friend. Pass it on.

(8) People magazine

My People usually comes on Friday or Saturday. There are 2 rules about my People: #1 I READ IT FIRST. No one else puts their grubby mitts on my magazine before I do. #2 I must take a long, hot, bubblish bath while reading People, so I can savor each delectable word without interruptions.

(9) The radio, or just music in general

What would life be without a soundtrack?

(10) My camera

'Cause when I'm old and grey and unable to do anything but sit in a chair, I want to remember every moment I lived. Even if I can't remember who I am or who my loved ones are, I want to know that the person in the photographs enjoyed a great life.

Pair of Noids

I am a paranoid person.

My husband jokingly says I have the biggest "pair of noids" he's ever seen.

Case in point:

Saturday night my hubby and I saw Billy Joel in concert.

Tangent: Billy rocked the Bi Lo center. There was no opening act. It was just Billy and a piano and his band. He started with songs from the 70s and progressed chronologically. The crowd was great, and Billy just did his thing and made us all feel like he was sitting in our den playing the piano. It was a GREAT night. Imagine singing "Piano Man" to the original Piano Man along with about 30,000 people who no longer feel like strangers because you've just spent 2 hours with them, listening to the great Billy Joel. What a NIGHT!

(An aside to my sister and her friend Val: get thee to TicketMaster and secure tickets for the concert at the BJCC on 2/26. It's a night you won't forget!!)

So back to my story.

We sat down in our seats about 30 minutes before showtime. A single guy with beer and pizza in hand soon came and sat right in front my husband. No big deal.

I sent my husband to fetch me a pizza (I'd not eaten dinner yet.) While he was gone, the pizza/beer guy got up to leave, too (as he left I got a great glimpse of his buttcrack. He was wearing grey Hanes, by the way.) The guy hadn't yet touched his pizza.

Hubby came back. A yuppish couple came and took their seats right beside beer/pizza guy (I should probably call him crack dealer, 'cause I saw more of his quarter slot than I did his face that night...)

Yuppish guy knocked over crack guy's beer. He went and bought crack guy a new beer.

Crack guy came back. He drank the beer that Yuppish guy brought him. Then he got up and got another beer and drank that one.

This is where my paranoia started.

I suddenly realized that crack guy never touched his pizza. The beer didn't touch the pizza, so I wondered why he didn't eat it.

Also, crack guy was acting terribly strange. He kept bouncing his knee up and down like he was nervous, all the while darting his eyes around the arena. Crack guy never applauded, never acted like he was even into the concert. He didn't even turn his head toward the stage.

He drank a third beer, then left.

In my mind I swear to God I was thinking the pizza box contained a bomb.

When crack guy left halfway through the show, I was almost sweating. I just knew I was a goner. I (seriously!) thought crack guy was sent to plant the bomb and then he was going to remotely detonate it after he got up and left.

See? I told you I'm paranoid. Go ahead. Roll your eyes. I know. It's an illness.

But one day I'll be a hero, and you'll be clamoring to say you know me when they interview you on the Today show.

Just promise me you'll brush your teeth and take the curlers outta your hair before you go on camera. And don't use the word "ain't" please.

Copycat Blog

My friend Stacy copied this blog from someone whose blog she stalks, so I'm copying both of them! I love telling everyone about me, because I'm such a narcissist. HA! (Man... now I have to go to dictionary.com to make sure I spelled that right, 'cause I'm a narcissist and a perfectionist... and I tend to use periods a lot..... like this.... And yes! I did spell narcissist correctly. HA!)

1. Is your second toe longer than your first? Nope. And you know which celebrity has strange toes like that? Reese Witherspoon. I've been a faithful reader of People magazine for years, so I have the scoop, doncha' know. Reese has weird toes. Next time you see a picture of her feet in a strappy sandal, I know you'll agree with me.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? I really love my scrapbooking pens. They're called Zig Writers and I love 'em. For everyday I love blue Bic pens with medium tips (no fine tips, please!) I love a good pen. I always find myself drooling in the pen aisle at Staples.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing? What, and get up OFF THIS COUCH? Let me see if I can get one of the kids to bring it to me... For now, though, I'm going to press on. (Follow up: nothing.)

4. What color are your toenails usually? Half red or dark pink and half natural. I wish I had the time and money to get a regular pedicure. The last lady that gave me a pedi was so nice. She told me to come back so she could work on the deep cracks in my heels. I have yet to return, but I want to so badly.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted? My bank statement. I use a highlighter to mark things off as I reconcile my bank statement in Quicken.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains? They're a very pretty grey, kind of sheer on top with satiny bottoms. I bought them at Target last year after we moved into our house, but they've yet to be hung.

7. What color are the seats in your car? Black leather. No, I'm not looking forward to summer. The car was used and had low miles and enough add-ons to make me look past the black interior.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? Harry was dark grey on top with a white underbelly. I had a cat named Mollie that was solid grey with a touch of white near her trachea; she looked like a Hostess cupcake with cream filling (am I a foodie, or what?) I had a cat named Sally that was 100% black, but no, I've never owned a true black and white cat.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? a package of Creative Memories sticker letters that I was sending to a member of my scrapbooking board as an RAK (random act of kindness).

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? Not that I know of, really. (I just put that "really" there because I hate ending a sentence with a preposition.)

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? I don't use the ATM. I don't even know my pin number. I cash a big check at the beginning of the month, so I always have cash on me, and if I don't, then I don't need to be shopping (or I use my debit or a check).

12. Who is the last baby that you held? That's a hard one. I haven't held a baby in a long time. I guess I'd have to say my friend Stacy B's daughter. She has a baby girl named Sophie that I held very briefly at a scrapbook workshop in November.

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No, even though I do have roots in Alabama and currently live in South Carolina. You would think I'd know at least one pair of twins with rhyming names!

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? I really prefer mint, but I use Close Up because that's what my husband uses. He's such a creature of habit. He uses Close Up toothpaste, wears Speed Stick deodorant/anti-perspirant and has a standing favorite at nearly every restaurant we go to. Since my husband does 75% of the grocery shopping, we only have Close Up.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? 2001 Oldsmobile Silhouette mini van in a lovely shade of maroon. The kids called her Ruby.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators. Neither. War Eagle! Love my Auburn Tigers.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags? May 1999. Camryn was 17 months-old. We left her with my in-laws and went to Atlanta to spend the day at Six Flags. It was a disaster. The park was only half open, because there wasn't enough staff to fill the summer jobs (most of their staff is comprised of students, and schools weren't out yet.) We got our ticket and parking money back and went downtown to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch. We were served by a transvestite waiter named Michelle whose Adam's Apple was bigger than my fist. Fun day.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? No. Not in this house. In our old house there was either wallpaper or a border in almost every room.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow: an umbrella from the kids' Fisher Price Little People stuff that should be in the playroom and not laying in the den floor. Lillian was licking it like an ice cream cone earlier, crazy nut.

20. Last person to give you a business card? The guy that came to inspect our house last Tuesday.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? Creating Keepsakes magazine (I finally subscribed.)

22. Closest framed picture to you? a set of Charleston prints hanging on my den wall.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you? Lastnight. We celebrated Valentine's Day at Red Robin.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare? No

25. How many e-mails do you have? Two. One is a business (Longaberger) address for customers to email me and the other is personal.

26. Last time you received flowers? I dunno. My husband has a patient for whom he changes a medically necessary contact lens every month. He doesn't charge her (she could put it in herself, but she's afraid of putting her fingers in her eyes.) So, she just brings him little treats now and then. Most of the time she brings flowers, and he passes them on to me. I would never have known, but a friend of ours that works with the patient spilled the beans. I thought he was just being nice and bringing me flowers!

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? Yes. God's word says so.

28. What are you listening to right now? Just a minute ago it was Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" but now Prince's "Kiss" is on. Love the iPod.

29. Do you play air guitar? Nope. Air drums, usually on the steering wheel in my car. Remember my Tide To Go blog? Yeah.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee? I don't drink coffee. My mom used to awaken me and my sister when we were kids, and she had the worst coffee breath. It kinda turned me off of coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? No. I'm really not a knick knack person.

32. What is your high school mascot's rival? Hmmm... my high school mascot was a rocket. I guess the closest rival would be either a Wildcat or a Blue Devil.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school? Either Laura Kimbrell (via email) or Randy Dale (in person at my wedding 11 years ago). I didn't even go to my reunion. I didn't really care to see anyone I went to high school with.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? Yesterday after I shopped at Hobby Lobby. I keep a pump of it in the car.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? Nah. There are too many other things I want to learn to do. I do love me a good drumline, though. I could listen to drumlines for hours.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room? White. I love my mini blinds! They're durable foam wood; they look like plastic, but they don't discolor like plastic. The blinds and the room darkening shades for the bedroom were ordered before we even moved into the house. I don't get people who have no window coverings. I don't want the neighbors or looky loos peeping in on me in my red flannel PJs! Once it's dark out, the blinds get closed.

37. What is in your inbox at work? Hmmmm... if my work is being a stay-at-home mom, then my inboxes would be laundry baskets and sinks full of dishes. Right now I have 3 loads of laundry to do and a dishwasher to empty and refill with what's in the sink.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? either the Sunday crossword puzzle or the comics or the USA Today weekend insert. I don't remember. We did get a paper today, but I haven't yet read it.

39. What was the last pageant you attended? Pageant? I guess that would be Miss Rendezvous 1991. I was the editor of the yearbook my senior year and we sponsored the pageant.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Little Caesar's, Monday night (I just realized we had the same thing last Monday night, too. I love that Hot & Now.)

41. Have you ever worn a crown? Do the paper ones from Burger King count?

42. What is the last thing you stapled? Instructions for a scrapbook swap I joined.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi? Once, but never again.

44. Are you ticklish? Highly. Never, EVER touch my back without me knowing you're there. It sends my muscles into spasms.

45. Last time you saw fireworks? July 4th.

46. Where is question number 46? I looked back at Stacy's blog and she's missing #46, too. Must be highly classified.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call? My housekeeper. She left a message this afternoon when my daughter was on the phone with her best friend (we don't have call waiting). I called her back tonight.

48. Last time you parked under a carport? I've never owned a home or lived in a home with a carport.

49. Do you have a black dog? No I'm not really a dog person. We just have the one cat now.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge? Of course I do. I recently found Bread & Butter gherkins at Big Lots. Next to sweet gherkins, Bread and butter pickles are my favorite!! I was so excited that the pickles on my burger at Red Robin tonight were bread & butter. They're the yummiest! I'm also a fan of sweet pickle relish; there is a food service sized jar in my fridge (a gag gift from my husband, which is funny, 'cause relish makes him gag...) I also love dill pickle spears and those big honkin' dill pickles. Yum. Now my mouth is watering!

51. Do you find Dan French irresistible? Who the heck is Dan French?

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? My children all have gorgeous blue eyes, each a varying shade. That is their daddy's genes coming out. My eyes are boring green.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck? Last night on I-85 on the way home from dinner.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? The name rings a bell but I'd have to Google it to refresh my memory. Singing group?

55. Do you have a little black dress? The word "little" describes nothing in my closet. I have a black dress, yes. It ain't little, though. It's more like a "big black tent".